Here we can all be heard for a little while

Georgiegirl256

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

It was Black Veil Brides

Motely Crue were amazing! They put on an awesome show! If you can go see them on the farewell tour, then do it as it will be great!

I'm sorry you're struggling with things atm hun Its difficult when things like that happen, i've been there myself in a previous relationship, we pretty much ended up hating each other (not saying that will happen but he needs to understand the impact how he's treating you is having not only on you but the relationship as a whole)

The way I'm feeling at the moment, I can see it going that way. He's sitting there ignoring me now. If I say something I'm nagging, so I'm just sitting here seething. :mad: If it's me, and I've done something, then tell me!!

I don't think I've ever heard any BVB's music?

System

Seethign in silence isn;tt a great feeling is it? I hate being ignored by someone. I prefer to talk things through. One of my exes used the silent treatment on me and it just made the resentment build and build. Maybe its a man thing?

This is one of BVB's songs (one of my faves) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0EQlIzPowM

LostSoulForever

Blimey, this thread moves fast these days - few days offline & it's moved on nearly 20 pages :eek:

whitewing

georgiegirl,

you may be more sensitive to it all because you are grieving.

I know a bit how you feel. I'd comment to DH about how grumpy he was and he'd snap back that he wasn't grumpy!

I told him the other day that he could go and stay at his mum's for a week while he decided if he wanted to be with us. He was somewhat surprised and said that he thought I was blowing everything out of proportion.

My niggles were all valid, but they completely didn't take into account all of the good things he did for us (mainly because he was so grumpy about them too, lol). I don't think he realised the effect he was having.

You don't have to ignore your feelings but I don't think that perhaps it is the right time for life-changing decisions.

Georgiegirl256

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Seethign in silence isn;tt a great feeling is it? I hate being ignored by someone. I prefer to talk things through. One of my exes used the silent treatment on me and it just made the resentment build and build. Maybe its a man thing?

This is one of BVB's songs (one of my faves) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0EQlIzPowM

I like that! Will have to check out some more of their songs!

I'm the same, I prefer to talk and hate being ignored. I understand some people aren't like that, and don't want to talk, but just don't treat me like sh*t.

whitewing wrote: »

georgiegirl,

you may be more sensitive to it all because you are grieving.

I know a bit how you feel. I'd comment to DH about how grumpy he was and he'd snap back that he wasn't grumpy!

I told him the other day that he could go and stay at his mum's for a week while he decided if he wanted to be with us. He was somewhat surprised and said that he thought I was blowing everything out of proportion.

My niggles were all valid, but they completely didn't take into account all of the good things he did for us (mainly because he was so grumpy about them too, lol). I don't think he realised the effect he was having.

You don't have to ignore your feelings but I don't think that perhaps it is the right time for life-changing decisions.

I know, I'm not planning on anything for now.

I thought that (about the grieving) but tbh I think it's been gradually building up over a long time. Obviously I have my down days and miss my Dad terribly (and would give anything to have him back), but I'm just getting on with life as usual, because that's what you have to do and it's what my Dad would have wanted.

I do think it's made me open my eyes more and realise that you only have one life and that it is for living. Even after what has gone on these last few years, I've still got an enthusiasm to go to new places and try new things whilst he is getting worse and to put it bluntly, needs a rocket up his a*rse. He really is pathetic sometimes.

I realise I'm sounding like a heartless cow atm, but maybe my eyes have just been opened and if he doesn't change his tune....well, who knows?

calleyw

Sorry to hear that some people are struggling.

I think once you live together you tend to take things and each other for granted.

The please and thank yous that you once said to each are gone.

Not all but a lot of people stop making the effort to look nice for themselves, let alone each other and do nice things for each other. As you are to busy worrying about paying the bills, making sure the kids get to school etc etc etc

We forget who we are. I know that myself. As after my husbands stroke I become Mrs Smith. I never took my husbands name and it was easier then trying to correct them.

I was a carer and not a person in my own right. It use to drive me nuts when people would ask about my husband first and they might ask how I was doing.

I always ask how the carer is doing first then about the person they are caring for.

I still don't think I am back to the way I was before his stroke but would say about 75% back. I want to be silly and big kid but something stops me from being like that all the time.

Yours

Calley

Georgiegirl256

Sounds like you've had it hard Calley. People do often overlook the carers and never think to ask how they are and how they're coping.

Well, he's just stropped off upstairs without a word. If I haven't done anything wrong, then whys he ignoring me? Why make me feel like I have? Probably because I dared ask him what was up with him. Why can't he just tell me what the hell is up? I feel like shouting "grow up you child!" but am restraining myself, and sitting here crying instead.

Waves_and_Smiles

Big hugs, Georgie. We are all sitting right there with you. I totally understand why you are upset, I would be very hurt. Would it work if you wrote him a letter explaining how you feel? I used to do that during the first few years of my relationship with WaSp, he used to be a huge sulker and would sit in silence and refuse to talk about issues. After much eventual talking I realised it was because he didn't think very highly of himself so whenever I said I wasn't happy he saw it as confirmation that I thought he was horrid in general which wasn't the case at all. I was trying to say one thing he did upset me, he interpreted it as I hated everything about him and was about to leave him. I found out a couple of years ago that he kept the letters, in fact he carries one in his wallet. He's a soppy thing, really.

I am also a talk it out person, not a sulker at all and it really used to upset me to get the silent treatment. What I did learn though was if you can do it, try to ignore it. Sulking only works if the other person notices. So I used to try to carry on as normal and eventually WaSp would respond because he got bored! We laugh about it now and he has become a talk it out person, too and I have learnt to say specifically what I am upset about so that he doesn't think it's everything.

Well done on the festival, MU! Try looking at it at how well you did cope with that many people there! I would never have managed the train journey! There were happy times in the weekend and you have some good memories from it, you did really well!

Pyxis

MessedUp....Sounds like you got a lot out of the festival, one way or another. It was a bit of an eye-opener for you.



Georgie, thanks for that.
It sounds like a long talk might be in order. There might be something really worrying him. Or maybe you are both getting a bit fed up with each other. Whatever it is, a good long talk might reap dividends, if only to stop resentments festering?

Birdie85

Big hugs Georgie, it's awful being stuck in limbo like that, in the midst of an argument but you're not sure what you're arguing about! My DH can be quite immature about dealing with his feelings so when he's not feeling great he goes all quiet and sulky and takes it out on me. This is how his Dad treated his family so it's kind of understandable, but very annoying for me! At least now he'll be a grump for a day or 2 then once I snap at him about it it shakes him a bit and he'll come up to me a bit later to tell me what's wrong. It's only taken 9 years to get to this stage though! Hopefully in another 9 years he will tell me what's wrong before he gets the grumps!

Would a couple of sessions with a counsellor help you both? Or is he one of these men who refuse to accept any help from someone like that because 'everything is fine'?!

Calley- good point about people stopping making the effort after years together. I still try to make an effort most days as does my DH because it shows that we still love and respect each other to want to look nice for each other. On maternity leave I noticed that many of the friends I made looked like they'd been dragged through a hedge backwards most days and complained that their OH's had lost interest in them; I always tried to have at least brushed my hair, slapped some mascara on and put clean clothes on. It made me feel better and it made DH appreciate that I hadn't just morphed into a Mum overnight. I am Me first, and always will (at least try to) be!

Glad you had a good time at the festival MU, even if there were downs too. You did really well to cope, I wouldn't be able to deal with queing for hours, sleeping in a tent, sharing toilets with strangers, hanging out all day in a muddy field and being stuck in a huge crowd so well done!

Has anyone heard from Tea? I'm worried about her!