Here we can all be heard for a little while

calleyw

whitewing wrote: »

calley,

I have been let down millions of times over millions of things. There is truth in the saying: fall down 6 times, get up 7 times.

I really need to not let other peoples actions effect me.

need to start being mindful. And being grateful for what I do have.

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

I log on the first thing I see is no golden showers in the fort. Ok, laughing my head off already.

Aw, Calley big hugs. I really hope that this evening is better for you.

Dragonette, that is great news, yay for little fire lizard! It does make you feel relaxed, doesn't it? That is how I feel when I go into the inside world. The reason why is that when you converse with other parts of you it taps into your subconscious so you are looking deep inside your own mind, kind of like meditation. Keep going! I am so glad that it is working!

That is brave if you, Indie. Can we help at all with cooking? I can no longer cook for myself but I know a lot about how to cook food properly, it is all in my brain, it just doesn't work in practice! Please know that you can always ask if we can.

Congrats on the job offer Melly, boo about the other stuff. Have a hug.

I wanted to thank you all for allowing me to talk about my friend. It made me very happy to do so and I am still left with a good feeling. It got me thinking how little I recall happy memories. I blocked myself from doing so because whenever I remembered something happy my brain would always hunt for something negative about it and the voices would chime in with why I had somehow ruined it. That isn't happening so much right now so I am going to make more of an effort to remember happy times.

Wellyboots6

Well done Melly!

HBS, I used to do a Today's Good Things list as my status evey evening on Fbook when I was having a really bad time. It helped me look back over the day and realise that even if a lot of rubbish things did happen, that good things happened too.
I did have to start introducing rules though, such as not using the weather more than 3 times a week, not using food more than 3 times a week etc to make sure I varied what I was looking at otherwise it became a lot of 'sunshine' and 'such and such for tea' lists!

Pyxis

Oh God, now what does golden shower mean?
Is it to do with urinating?
(plods off in exasperation to google)



Edit. Well, I don't care. Though what possible pleasure that could give anyone, beats me. I suppose if you're a masochist it might. Anyway, Golden Showers are hereby being reclaimed as lovely drops of golden light, so there! (stamps foot)

Indie_Kid wrote: »

Le sigh. I've now had to finally give in and ask my parents for help. Or will do when I'm around theirs on Sunday. I'm sure I'm not actually cooking some of my food properly and I'd rather not get social services involved.:(

Yes, let us help, Indie! What's the problem with your food?

Indie_Kid wrote: »

OU (open university) have some free online courses. I can't remember the website address, sorry!

There's also FutureLearn, which is part of the OU. I'm near the end of a 4-week music course thing.

https://www.futurelearn.com

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Aw, Calley big hugs. I really hope that this evening is better for you.

Not really another night spent on my own. Followed by a weekend spent on my own.

I think I am kidding myself to think that I will ever have another relationship again. Something I need to forget about it at all me thinks.

To damaged and broken. Nothing ever seems to go my way. And I can never have what I want. No matter what I do its wrong. Can't seem to win.

Yours

Calley

calleyw

Pyxis wrote: »

Oh God, now what does golden shower mean?
Is it to do with urinating?
(plods off in exasperation to google)

Yes on someone during sex

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

Hahahaha! You may not want to look up golden showers, Pyxis! How are your bumps and bruises today?

I use this place for free online courses- https://www.edx.org/course

It is where I found my Bioethics course. They also have free courses in Mindfulness and other psychology based classes.

Please do come on here lots, Calley if you think it will help. We will keep you company! I know it isn't the same as someone in real life but we do care. You aren't broken, in a lot of ways you are a very well-rounded person indeed, you have just been hurt so much. You really do have so much to offer and we all see that. Have another hug.

Here is a far TMI story just for the fun of it. I slept with someone once who just before the end rolled over onto his back and asked for a golden shower. I burst out laughing on the spot and couldn't stop. The relationship didn't survive....

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Please do come on here lots, Calley if you think it will help. We will keep you company! I know it isn't the same as someone in real life but we do care. You aren't broken, in a lot of ways you are a very well-rounded person indeed, you have just been hurt so much. You really do have so much to offer and we all see that. Have another hug.

Thank you. I know it deep down that I am.

But when you been hurt, messed about and let down so many times. Its just hard to believe anything else that there is something wrong with you.

Yours

Calley

Pyxis

WaS, Too late! I did! But I've reclaimed it now! See my edit above!

Swelling is mostly gone, but bruise is ginormous! I have to be careful how I sit as part of it really stings and hurts if it gets compressed.

The big toe is still rather painful though, but that's because I already had a problem with it!

Knee didn't suffer from the fall, and it's slowly improving, but I keep off it as much as poss and don't walk too far.

All slow but sure!

Hopefully, I'll sleep better tonight. Can't sleep on my right due to a collarbone problem, and last night couldn't sleep on my left due to humungous bruise, so didn't sleep well at all!

What a wreck!..............however.........
I had a lovely lunch out today........my friend drove me. In a lovely Arts and Crafts hotel with a lovely view! And it was a gloriously sunny day!
I decided I needed to be treated, after all the war wounds, and it wasn't a fast day, so I had BBQ rump steak with grilled vegetables and a rather nice salted caramel knickerbocker glory with pretzels and popcorn! It was yum!

Now I'm drinking kiwi and lime cider!

Waves_and_Smiles

It is, you become conditioned to thinking that there must be something wrong with you, I have bought that T-shirt. There truly isn't anything wrong with you Calley. I promise you that if I could think of a way where you could change something about yourself and find someone and friends tomorrow I would do. You are fine, you are loving, caring, funny and intelligent.

You have just had your confidence severely knocked and you are tired, what with your ex and all the care and effort you have put in for your husband. You have had a lot of plates to juggle these last few years, of course you are going to feel down and unhappy. That isn't anything wrong with you, it is a totally healthy reaction which anyone would feel. It takes time to get yourself together again after that, give yourself time and please, give yourself a break. You are doing really well.