Here we can all be heard for a little while

heartbreak_star

YAY! Thank you Flybaby

HBS x

tootiemac

Apologies everyone but I need to communicate how I feel and this is my therapy (and it’s pretty long)

It has come to my attention recently that at some point in the past, without me noticing, I have become the “interchangeable” friend.
I never noticed it before but this week it has become obvious to me, I am the “friend” people talk to when they need something.
In this day and age where social media friendships are the normal, it’s easier than ever to keep in touch, even just a simple like on Facebook and you’ve made that connection for the day.
But yet here I stand a person with roughly 110 Facebook friends and my life feels emptier than it ever has.
Funnily though the media claims that this emptiness is caused by our generations addiction to social media, it isn’t there that my feelings arise.
Facebook connects me to the world I thought I had it is the real world that lets me down. I have never been a “popular” person but I have a good core group of best friends and others in a wider friendship group and it is here I feel lost.
I am let down by the people that physically surround me, those who see you as a filler when no one else is around and abuse the friendly generosity you freely give away.
It has spread further to the point where I am unsure I want the life I have and the wonder has crept in, is the grass greener? Can I start over and be someone else?

I think the final sign of this transition was on my walk into work this morning, I’m well-liked by most and I’m known for my willingness to help wherever I can but it appears to be this that has caused my transition.
For the past few weeks our team numbers have been reduced due to the yearly holiday season, this then resulting in me being invited to breakfast with another in my team.
The normal breakfast time of this person having been delayed by there being no one else around to go earlier, meaning that they are still waiting to go after I get into work.
On the whole I never seen being invited as a special thing but after 2 weeks of these invites I thought it was now the normal morning routine, that a delay of 10 minutes on the departure for breakfast had been accepted.
Yet this morning as I climbed the stairs to the office I was met by the early group off to breakfast, unable to simply turn around and join them due to rules and with no invite forth coming to do so, I continued my journey to my desk.

This evening I face yet another of these situations but this time I am already highly aware of my position in their group.
You see I am a member of a weight lose group and have been for quite a while, this has meant I have become a “helper” and as always you start with the bottom and work your way up.
Yet after 3 years I haven’t moved past the 2nd rung, although I am trained in all aspects of the “helper” jobs I am stuck on the menial while others climb over me to the more exciting jobs.
Now I know how people view these groups but the support you get normally boosts your ability to stick to the plan and I did losing a great deal of weight.
But things changed and after being unable to make 3 events being hosted by others in the group I am now on the outskirts of this as well.
I have put a fair bit of the weight I lost back on and yet I haven’t heard anything from the group leader no support, nothing! I’m Lost!
I hang around afterwards to try and seek help but get ignored in favor of other members, I try to involve myself more only to get ignored.

It appears I am invisible unless they need something from me and yet I’m screaming that I need something from them only to hear an echo of myself.
With the threads of doubt spreading further to the point where I am unsure I want the life I have and the wonder has crept in, is the grass greener? Can I start over and be someone else?

Flybaby

HBS - big squish to you to feel better soon.

mellymoo74

(((HBS)))

Cloriseptic, lockets and ice cream lobbed in fort as I run away (cant get ill audits coming *eek*)

Pyxis

Hello Tootiemac, and welcome to the thread!

I can relate totally to what you're saying!

You feel as if you are on the outside looking in, the kid with their nose pressed against the sweetie-shop window, but never the kid who gets taken inside. Oh, you might get the sweeties that the others don't want!

I haven't found the answer to this. I can be very outgoing and ebullient, but it totally depends on the situation. I can also be very introverted and quiet and shy. Again it depends on the situation, and how vulnerable I feel. I can also be very friendly, and I'm sure I am a caring person, and where I see a need I try to help out. Yet I can also feel very excluded. A lot of this is due to ADHD, I'm sure, and the rest is just me!

The problem is finding people on our wavelength. Sometimes these people are the 'rebels', sometimes the 'geeks', sometimes the just downright eccentric!

Sometimes it depends on where we live.

There are times when I think we might even be in the wrong cultural group/country, but I have no idea what the right cultural group or country might be!


It will be interesting to see what other people on here think!

Miss_Mario

*pokes head in*

Can I come in and join you all? I've been reading the thread (and the previous one and even the end of the one before) but it's taken a while to work up the guts to post.

I have ongoing mental health issues that I'm only truly starting to come to terms with, frankly I'm beyond terrified of the impact it has on my life and no one around me really understands what I'm talking about, even though my girlfriend tries her hardest.

This looked like a nice place to wait out the storm. I can bake a pretty good cookie as well, if you don't mind me hanging around for a while?

calleyw

I could have written what Tootiemac said.

Only wanted because they got nothing better to do. Be it someone I thought I was dating and so called friends.

I have no answers. I found the easiest solution is not to bother with people.

means you can't get used or hurt but does make it lonely!!!

Yours

Calley

dragonette

I'm starting to wonder if my dissociation might be closer to DID/MPD. I don't think I have well defined other voices, but when I'm dissociative it isn't always me that speaks, I'm in the back of my mind hiding from whatever triggered me. Something for me to think about

dragonette

Hugs for everyone who doesn't feel like a priority, come into the fort and have biccies with us

calleyw

dragonette wrote: »

Hugs for everyone who doesn't feel like a priority, come into the fort and have biccies with us

I will bring jaffa cakes and oreo's

Yours

Calley