Here we can all be heard for a little while

mellymoo74

WaS have a hug off me, a smeary kiss of Froo, a nose lick of Boo, a head rub of Tomcat and a wave off Alan

Pyxis

((((((((((((WaS))))))))))))))£


If you're not careful, Flybaby will squish you! :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you! Ok, I shall write it down because in the spirit of the thread I always said I would be honest and it might help someone. The whole time the following went on I was sitting on the sofa mostly unable to move in a catatonic state, the other locations and what I did in them aren't real. The whole thing is a massive huge crotch biting penguin about catatonic schizophrenia.

After waking I looked at my hands and they looked like someone else's hands, I just didn't feel like me and the flat felt unfamiliar as if it was based on where I live but there were subtle differences? Like being on a stage set of my flat? Colours were extremely bright and hurt my eyes and sounds were magnified. I kept having odd thoughts of people I didn't know flashing through my mind, one face kept melting like it was made of out wax. I could hear WaSp's voice but he sounded a long way away and I couldn't hear his words properly.

I told him I was fine because I was scared and it felt like I couldn't tell anyone what was happening or something very bad would happen to them. Funnily enough, not that something bad would happen to me, but something bad would happen to anyone I told. I had to protect WaSp. Then suddenly I was back in bed and looking at the window. There was a buzzing sound and melting face man was at the window and staring at me as his face dripped. Just as fast I was living at my mothers house. I was hiding in my bedroom and knew she was coming to get me. I had to give her medication to calm her down but I was afraid to leave my room because I knew she had a knife. I walked over to a drawer and opened it and there was a dying baby inside. I had forgotten to feed the baby and it was dying because of my neglect. I cried and screamed and knew that I must feed it but I was scared to leave the room because my mother was outside.

I was then back in bed and woke up. I knew that I was stuck in a nightmare and must stop it repeating. I picked up some scissors and cut my arms, hoping the pain would wake me up. I couldn't make myself bleed though so I had to keep going deeper. Then I was back in my mother's house. I had to feed the baby as quickly as I could. I ran into the kitchen to look for food but all of the cupboards were empty, then I heard my mother screaming. I ran into the living room and she was collapsed on the floor and I knew that she was slipping into a diabetic coma so I quickly grabbed her insulin and injected her with it. She sat up and her eyes didn't look her eyes, they were cold and glassy. She told me that I was about to be arrested for her murder and she knew that I had injected her with poison. I was sobbing and saying that I was trying to help her.

I 'woke up' in bed and thought that I was still in my nightmare. I ran to the window and began screaming in an effort to wake myself up. I could hear WaSp's voice but it was distorted as if he was talking through a tunnel and I wasn't sure if it was real. Then I was in a big field by a tree and a funeral was taking place. It was the funeral of a badger. I realised with horror that I was supposed to be taking care of it so that it didn't die and I had failed it while being so busy trying to wake up from dreams. This was the real world and something had died because of me. I cried my eyes out and then 'woke up' sitting on the sofa. I could still see the field superimposed over this, the real world. The field looked transparent and I could see the contents of my flat through it. Wasp was telling me to take a pill so I did. He then took me to the shower and told me to wash myself, I had no idea why but I did it. I was crying and very confused at this point. WaSp took me into the bedroom and told me to go to sleep and slept within minutes.

This is the embarrassing bit. It turns out that I managed to pee and poo myself whilst in a catatonic state, I can't believe I just admitted to that. This has only happened twice before and I absolutely hate it and am so ashamed. WaSp has cleared most it up, poor man but my embarrassment knows no bounds. I really don't like myself right now. Apparently he had to pin me down because I screamed and tried to get to the window. I also ripped my top and yelled at him that someone was choking me.

I am back in the correct world now but very shaky and anxious and very drowsy from the pills. I was sort of expecting this to happen because I had caused a chemical imbalance with panicking about the budget. If things work as normal this should be the end of it because the amount of anti-psychotic I took and will take for the next 5 days should correct everything. I feel as if I have been dragged through a hedge backwards. It just felt like the worse nightmare but far more real. These states never become less terrifying.

End penguin

Wellyboots6

I would offer a hug WaS but as I don't do physical contact, I shall wave and smile

Hubby has someone coming over to train him tomorrow for a new job, so I have been cleaning and cleaning. Also got the health visitor coming Wednesday.

Even managed to brush Little Sod, got a carrier bag full of fur off him! It's an achievement as brushing him is like trying to brush a 3 headed snapping alligator!!

Flybaby

and here I come with my friendly squish - and the good thing about squishing is that you can full body squish - or just have a little finger squish for gentle comfort **links little fingers with WaV and offers round the cheesy breadsticks**


Katy - does sound like horrid place to work, but also seems a genuine reason for asking you to not take holiday. You are in a v. difficult situation hon! Let us know what CAB say.


Even I like those shoes and that is saying something!!!!


Calley - yea to good hubby news and getting a good walk in.

oldestgnome

Glad you are through the worst of it and WaSp was there.

(((WaS))) you have nothing to be ashamed about, it is part of the illness.

Are you able to do something to feel a bit better? Any daim bars left? How about some colouring.. I dropped some millionaires shortbread off in the fort earlier

Good news Calley

I bought a bridesmaid dress for my friends wedding, it is also my goal dress, it is 2 sizes smaller than I am now! Wedding is in the spring.

Waves_and_Smiles

Awww, thank you and wave and smile is very welcome katy! I will be fine in a few days, as I said in my explanation above it never gets easier because it all feels so real at the time. It is far more vivid than a nightmare and now I have the added embarrassment factor! I also missed my carer because I was sleeping by the time she arrived and trying to do anything with me after 300mgs of anti-psychotics is pointless. Now I have side effects from the amount I took, too. Yay?

Colouring sounds like a good idea, oldestgnome! I am sure that there is chocolate around somewhere, too. I am still so drowsy but I can't sleep anymore so gentle things and treats to occupy the next few hours would really help.

Flybaby

WaS - so brave of you to post and thank you so much for your honesty.


Just in case knowing this makes WaS feel better - you are not alone -....for different reasons as I have IBS, but there have been times when I have been caught short as I get about 10 seconds notice from my body that it is time to go to the bathroom, and twice it has happened when I was out. So I can really empathise with you on the complete embarrassment - massive big squish.

mellymoo74

WaS would you like another alien pic?
Remember artist friend we have the OH burpday alien

calleyw

WaS,

Even bigger hugs. How horrible and the whole thing must have been terrifying. Don't feel ashamed. As there was nothing you could do and it happened. You were under extreme stress.

Please take care.


Yours


Calley