Here we can all be heard for a little while

Wellyboots6

Don't be embarrassed WaS, it happens more often than you think!

Waves_and_Smiles

I would love another alien pic, melly!

Aw, sorry you have to go through that Flybaby. I have IBS, too but usually go the other way! It's just so embarrassing and poor Wasp had to clean everything up because I was fast asleep straight after washing. I didn't even realise why he was telling me to wash. I want to curl into a small ball and hide.

Thank you so much, Calley. You would think I would be used to it by now but when the catatonic episodes happen I forget that I have ever had one before. My thinking is so distorted that I lose any rational thinking and it is just one big panic. It felt like it went on forever but it was only 40 minutes. Honestly, it felt like days.

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Thank you so much, Calley. You would think I would be used to it by now but when the catatonic episodes happen I forget that I have ever had one before. My thinking is so distorted that I lose any rational thinking and it is just one big panic. It felt like it went on forever but it was only 40 minutes. Honestly, it felt like days.

I doubt its something that you get use to. Cut yourself some slack you are not very well.

You were out of it and had no idea what was going. So please be kind to yourself.

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, Calley. You are right, I do need to cut myself some slack. I just get so annoyed with myself because if I am not worried over something my chemicals stay relatively stable but it is such a fine balance that anxiety causes an imbalance very quickly. There is nothing that can be done because I can't take as many anti-psychotics as I need for full stability because I react so badly to medication which makes me a whole different kind of unwell. So I am always on the edge of psychosis and it takes very little to push it over. I feel utterly useless though, I keep thinking that after dealing with this for 20 years that I should be coping better by now, but on the other hand no amount of therapy can fight a biochemical imbalance. In that way it is just like a physical illness.

I shall stop whining.

jobbingmusician

Oi! You are still blaming yourself a bit, though, saying that you caused it by worrying about the budget. I'm afraid your chemical imbalance is pretty much outside your control, and I bet you tried to stop yourself worrying!

Just to reiterate - you are NOT responsible for looking after anyone. No-one is going to die if you forget about them. Not people, not animals, not anyone. And no-one ever HAS died as a result of your actions. The one time in your life you thought it was going to happen, you took prompt and pretty heroic action to ensure that it couldn't!

I'm pretty poo-resistant - it doesn't worry me if I have to clean up after people. One of my members of staff can hardly bear to even say the word poo!

It is making me chuckle, though, having the words poo and squish in the same thread. Think about it.....

Having said that, though, I love the idea of squishes for different occasions, ranging from a pinkie squish to a full body one!

Pyxis

(((((((((((WaS)))))))))!))

Ok, WaSsie. Firstly, you need to know that nothing and nobody has died because of you. No babies, no badgers. Not your mother. No-one.

Secondly, you can't help what you do when you're in that catatonic state. You certainly can't help it when body functions go AWOL as a result of that state. If it helps, I also have a little problem; when I need to go I really need to go, and I'm talking bowel. When it first happened, I didn't realise so didn't heed the urge, and so made a bit of a mess. It's not serious, just a bit of laxity, again due to high forceps during childbirth, and hasn't happened since because I take notice of any urges, but it did happen! And I was fully conscious! So don't you mind! Stuff happens when you're ill!

WaSp loves you.....when you love someone, you look after them, and do what you have to do. If the situation were reversed, you'd do the same for him, no?

So your job now is to get back on an even keel.

Thank you so much for posting about that experience. We really appreciate your honesty, and it helps so much to know what you're going through.

Have a good rest and enjoy the colouring......we'll need to see some pics of what you do!




Edit. You think you should be coping better by now?
You think you should be coping better by now?

Look here, you! You ARE coping brilliantly! You are not being sectioned, you are not being admitted to hospital, you understand your problem inside out, you are managing extremely well!
You've started having day trips, you've had a little holiday, you've been up North to see your teacher friend! Slowly but surely you're improving your life against huge odds!
Think you should be coping better indeed! Huh!

calleyw

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Thank you, Calley. You are right, I do need to cut myself some slack. I just get so annoyed with myself because if I am not worried over something my chemicals stay relatively stable but it is such a fine balance that anxiety causes an imbalance very quickly. There is nothing that can be done because I can't take as many anti-psychotics as I need for full stability because I react so badly to medication which makes me a whole different kind of unwell. So I am always on the edge of psychosis and it takes very little to push it over. I feel utterly useless though, I keep thinking that after dealing with this for 20 years that I should be coping better by now, but on the other hand no amount of therapy can fight a biochemical imbalance. In that way it is just like a physical illness.

I shall stop whining.

Don't ever think you are whining.

I can understand that its very hard for you. And I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make you better. You are coping the best you can in the situation. Better than I ever would.

I actually find everyones story on here very interesting.

This penguin might be upsetting for some.

Penguin

I have touched on it before by my grand mother was what was called a manic depressive or now its called Bi-polar. She was a very quiet and unassuming woman. She was on so many drugs she would rattle.

When I was in teen she was admitted to the local mental hospital for a couple of weeks. I visited and it broke my heart.

She also had only what I can call is the most barbaric thing in the world. Electric Shock Threapy. I know that it broke my fathers heart that his own father would allow them to do that to her. He said she looked so ill afterwards. And even now it makes me want to cry to think about it.

Also worries me incase I have increased risk because of having a grand parent who was bi-polar. Maybe its time for me to re-visit my past and look at my highs and lows.

Maybe I am missing something. Who knows.

Penguin Ends

Please take care.

Yours

Calley

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you both, you are both right. Thinking about it I have also has catatonic episodes when I have been happy so it isn;t always caused by me worrying. It seems sometimes it just goes wrong for an unknown reason.

The entire episode was based around me causing harm to other things, even at the start when I couldn't tell Wasp what I was feeling because something bad might happen to him. So much of my thinking is caught up in my fear of hurting others, although I never have. Without a doubt it is my biggest phobia and it does come out when my chemicals go awry. The odd thing is now I feel a huge amount of guilt as if I really have harmed something, even though I know it wasn't real. I just feel awful and as if I am selfish and neglect everyone and everything. I shall tell myself to shut up and stop hanging myself for something I didn't do.

I am however giggling at poo and squish in the same thread!

Aw, Calley big hugs. I am sorry to hear about your grandmother. That type of treatment has never been considered for me because my mental health condition is biochemical based so it wouldn't help at all. Things can run in families but not always. There are often a lot of factors that have to be in place before conditions are correct for a problem to develop. In my case I did inherit my mother's paranoid schizophrenia (she didn't have catatonic schizophrenia), but I also have autoimmune disorders which directly affect my hormones and my social environment growing up was very bad. It is possible that if all of these things hadn't come together that my condition wouldn't have been triggered.

jobbingmusician

Pyxis wrote: »

(
Edit. You think you should be coping better by now?
You think you should be coping better by now?

Look here, you! You ARE coping brilliantly! You are not being sectioned, you are not being admitted to hospital, you understand your problem inside out, you are managing extremely well!
You've started having day trips, you've had a little holiday, you've been up North to see your teacher friend! Slowly but surely you're improving your life against huge odds!
Think you should be coping better indeed! Huh!

Love this! So true! If you don't believe it, WaS, read post 1 again and think about how far you have come.

Also there is an opening chapter in a book which I love. I can't remember the book - perhaps someone else can? It describes a middle aged or elderly couple who have a really really fab relationship. And then tells you about that relationship. They are a middle-class couple who married early in the 20th century and were very shy of each other when they got married. Then they went on honeymoon - and got really awful food poisoning. They spent the next 2 weeks in a state of complete incontinence, and fell far more deeply in love as a result, and were never again self-conscious about any bodily functions (and of course had a fab sex life as a side effect). So there you are, that's what happens when you share a poo problem with your partner!

calleyw

I have just looked up some the symptoms of Bi-polar and spoken to my husband.

He said that I often talk very fast and jump around on different subjects.

I do have grand ideas that don't come to anything. I have half finished house and garden. Have weeks when I get by on little sleep and feel great and do loads. And other weeks nothing.

Also the depression and I did get really bad at work. I think it was getting to the point that my boss was going to sack me if I did not leave.

Losing my temper a lot easier then I use to. Doing stuff I would never normally do. I cringe at some of the stuff I have done.

Done a couple of on-line tests and it seems to suggest the possibility of being bi-polar.

Not sure what to do now. I have a dr's appointment on wednesday. And I am sure that Dr's hate patients coming in saying they think they have ebola LOL!!!!

Yours

Calley