is my husband hiding money?

Mister_aaa

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I cant begin to tell you how much I appreciate all your help.
We argued until late at night. He said the tax reduction was my fault for going back to work in the first place. I pointed out I needed to go to work as at the current time I was only living on £10 a week.
He said when I was receiving my wage last year I didnt give him any si he isnt going to give me any of his.
I told him if last year at any point he had been living on such low money then of course I would have given him money, but at the time we both had roughly the same amount of free money.
I mentioned about splitting up and he said he wont be leaving our home and I cant make him. Which is true.
I will have to accept things as they are for now and plan for the future when my children are older.
I am weak and suffer badly with depression and just cant fight especially when I know I cant win.

Next time he goes to work, change the locks.

Get rid of this idiot selfish moron.

TBagpuss

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I cant begin to tell you how much I appreciate all your help.
We argued until late at night. He said the tax reduction was my fault for going back to work in the first place. I pointed out I needed to go to work as at the current time I was only living on £10 a week.
He said when I was receiving my wage last year I didnt give him any si he isnt going to give me any of his.
I told him if last year at any point he had been living on such low money then of course I would have given him money, but at the time we both had roughly the same amount of free money.
I mentioned about splitting up and he said he wont be leaving our home and I cant make him. Which is true.
I will have to accept things as they are for now and plan for the future when my children are older.
I am weak and suffer badly with depression and just cant fight especially when I know I cant win.

No it is not. If you decide to split up, you can ask a court to transfer the tenancy into your sole name. Also, as you are renting not an owner, you can look at moving elsewhere. I appreciate that that is daunting and has its own challenges, but one thing to consider it whether things are likely to improve - why will anything be any better when the children are older?

His attitude stinks, as does his implication that this is your fault, or that his behaviour is reasonable. He has told you he has about £60 per week disposable income yet expects you to manage of £14 and can't see that that is in any way unfair?

Please don't believe his attempts to make you feel that this is your fault.

Obviously all relationships are different, but his financial control, and the way he is putting you down and seeking to blame you for what ought to be a joint issue are concerns - you may find it helpful to take a look here http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/recognising-abuse/ or here http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence and see how much of this looks familiar.

Consider looking into whether you could increase your hours, so that you can become more independent (it may make it easier for you to find alternative accommodation, if you do decide to move on,)

Also consider RELATE - if you can persuade your husband to go with you you might find they can help you to find ways to communicate more effectively and to work on building a relationship which works for both of you, not just for him,. If he won't go, you may find it useful to go alone initially.

Good luck.

Guest101

TBagpuss wrote: »

No it is not. If you decide to split up, you can ask a court to transfer the tenancy into your sole name. Also, as you are renting not an owner, you can look at moving elsewhere. I appreciate that that is daunting and has its own challenges, but one thing to consider it whether things are likely to improve - why will anything be any better when the children are older?

His attitude stinks, as does his implication that this is your fault, or that his behaviour is reasonable. He has told you he has about £60 per week disposable income yet expects you to manage of £14 and can't see that that is in any way unfair?

Please don't believe his attempts to make you feel that this is your fault.

Obviously all relationships are different, but his financial control, and the way he is putting you down and seeking to blame you for what ought to be a joint issue are concerns - you may find it helpful to take a look here http://www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-women/recognising-abuse/ or here http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200410001&itemid=1272&itemTitle=What+is+domestic+violence and see how much of this looks familiar.

Consider looking into whether you could increase your hours, so that you can become more independent (it may make it easier for you to find alternative accommodation, if you do decide to move on,)

Also consider RELATE - if you can persuade your husband to go with you you might find they can help you to find ways to communicate more effectively and to work on building a relationship which works for both of you, not just for him,. If he won't go, you may find it useful to go alone initially.

Good luck.

Just quoting the bit in red. The court would need a reason to make him homeless. That reason doesnt seem to exist.

BigAunty

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I mentioned about splitting up and he said he wont be leaving our home and I cant make him. .

Is the tenancy agreement in his sole name or in joint names?

Shelter has a relationship breakdown section which gives an outline of your rights and options.

It is true that if he is the sole or joint tenant, then he has the right to occupy the property unless you or the landlord has a court order that says otherwise.

Have you considered moving out and getting your own place? Sometimes with a joint tenancy, the person wishing to remain has managed to persuade the landlord to make the tenancy agreement in their sole name but this is a more risky/fraught process. In a joint agreement, either tenant has the right to serve notice which ends the tenancy for all and then its up to either tenant to try and negotiate a sole tenancy in their name so they can stay on.

Shelter also has a section on homelessness which details how a council should deal with an application to be housed. Those with dependents are considered a priority. Shelter will be able to tell you if a relationship breakdown qualifies as a trigger to be defined as homeless by the council. In England, the council may find homeless households either a private tenancy of at least a year or offer social housing. It's different in Scotland. This may require the household to stay in less than desirable interim accommodation and not necessarily in the exact area.

Also, many councils operate deposit guarantee schemes that offer deposits to landlords for tenants that can't afford them. Perhaps on the benefits board, they would be able to advise you the best way to come up with the 1st month's rent and deposit.

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I will have to accept things as they are for now and plan for the future when my children are older.

So perhaps endure this unequal relationship where you are not considered worthy of support and respect for another 5 or 10 or 15 years then?

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I am weak and suffer badly with depression and just cant fight especially when I know I cant win.

It's not about 'winning', its about being free. Are you receiving medical or emotional treatment or support for your depression? Or your arthritis?

Does being dominated by your partner and tired out from being solely responsible for running the house contribute to this illness?

Mojisola

BigAunty wrote: »

So perhaps endure this unequal relationship where you are not considered worthy of support and respect for another 5 or 10 or 15 years then?

And just what will you be teaching your children about the way adults interact with other and how a normal relationship between two parents should be?

How happy are their future relationships going to be if they emulate their father?

TBagpuss

Guest101 wrote: »

Just quoting the bit in red. The court would need a reason to make him homeless. That reason doesnt seem to exist.

The court would need a reason to make an occupation order, if Op applied for an injunction.

However it is also possible to ask a court to transfer a tenancy when parties divorce or separate, in the same way as a court can order a transfer of a home which is owned. The application is made under the Family Law Act and the court could take into account the needs of the children as well as the needs of each party.
This kind of application is made most commonly where the parties have agreed that the tenancy should be transferred but the departing partner needs it to be done via a court order so they are not classed as having made themselves homeless, but it does not have to be agreed.

OhWow

mumof4littleguys wrote: »

I
He said the tax reduction was my fault for going back to work in the first place.

Your husband needs a reality check. It it isn't a "tax reduduction", it's a benefit reduction. Child Tax Credits are benefits for some children so that they aren't disadvanted by their parents low income. You getting a job meant you both paid more towards your children yourselves and then needed less from the benefit system.

You could also point out to him that this benefit money for the children should be spent on the children and not paying to put a roof over his head. As the main breadwinner, he should be paying the rent too.

OhWow

BigAunty wrote: »

Quite possibly the fact that the UK has one of the highest rates of lone parenthood in europe may be related to the fact it has one of the highest rates of benefits paid to them might be a factor.

I don't think anyone doubted that.

Since that report was published in the EU, the UK has withdrawn/ing all benefits from non working single EU citizen parents. Rules for EU citizens working and claiming UK benefits have changed since that report too.

The same for the non-EU citizens single parents of an EU or UK child, who used EU rules to live in the UK. This decision was recently ruled in favour of the UK after the UK was taken to court by benefit claimants.

With these and the UK welfare changes being rolled out and more to come, in a year or two a report in the EU on single parents may show a differnt pattern?

WillowCat

OhWow wrote: »

I don't think anyone doubted that.

Since that report was published in the EU, the UK has withdrawn/ing all benefits from non working single EU citizen parents. Rules for EU citizens working and claiming UK benefits have changed since that report too.

The same for the non-EU citizens single parents of an EU or UK child, who used EU rules to live in the UK. This decision was recently ruled in favour of the UK after the UK was taken to court by benefit claimants.

With these and the UK welfare changes being rolled out and more to come, in a year or two a report in the EU on single parents may show a differnt pattern?

I don't think Big Aunty was referring to EU citizens in the UK claiming benefits.

In the UK, UK citizens are more likely to be lone parents than in other EU countries where their own citizens are lone parents.

On the plus side our generous benefits allows people like the OP escape from what seems like an abusive relationship, and remember the OP is working, and is likely to increase hours as the children get older.

On the negative side it also allows having babies while alone to be a valid career choice for a certain sector of young ladies.

Guest101

WillowCat wrote: »

I don't think Big Aunty was referring to EU citizens in the UK claiming benefits.

In the UK, UK citizens are more likely to be lone parents than in other EU countries where their own citizens are lone parents.

On the plus side our generous benefits allows people like the OP escape from what seems like an abusive relationship, and remember the OP is working, and is likely to increase hours as the children get older.

On the negative side it also allows having babies while alone to be a valid career choice for a certain sector of young ladies.

I agree with most of what you said. And really just a general point. It seems these days that relationships are either 'good' or 'abusive'

Has the word dysfunctional been removed from the dictionary? It seems that a relationship is abusive as soon as one party isnt happy with the other party.

In this case it's financial - though i agree the split could be better i did highlight my point earlier regarding that. But this seems someway off of what i would describe as an abusive relationship.