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Alzheimers & Bereavement.

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  • thriftyemma
    thriftyemma Posts: 335 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    My grandfather-in-law had a severe form of dementia for the last 4 years of his life. His decline was rapid. I think it took everyone by surprise, so we were never sure of the right way to approach things.

    When his sister died, suddenly of a heart attack, he was told. It broke his heart. Then he promptly forgot. He was reminded several times, and each time followed the same pattern. After being told on one occasion, he asked to go to the funeral. At the funeral, he behaved like an unruly child, jumping on the chair, singing silly songs, asking who the funeral was for. It was very upsetting for the rest of the family. After that, the decision was made to not mention his sister's death again.

    He remarried later in life, and not long after his diagnosis, he forgot who his wife was. She would come and visit, and he would ask who the little old woman was (in his mind he was a young man). When he was told it was his wife, he would laugh incredulously! She would continue to visit until she became too ill, (she also suffered from dementia) and she eventually passed. The decision was made to not tell him, and he did not go to the funeral. He passed himself nearly 2 years ago, not knowing who any of his closest family were.

    I think it depends on how severe your Uncle's Alzheimer's is. I agree with previous posters who suggest telling him once, and see if he retains the information. It would give him the chance to grieve. If he quickly forgets, reminding him daily would be torture for the poor man. I do not pretend to understand what it is like to live with Alzheimer's or dementia. But I can imagine being told anew every day that a loved one had passed would be agony.

    Whatever decision is made OP, I hope your Uncle's time on Earth is as peaceful and happy as possible.
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