How to handle very nosey (and quite pushy) friend

CRANKY40

The holiday one is easy. Just say you don't discuss your holiday dates as you don't want people knowing that your house will be empty.

lynsayjane

I had to have an awkward chat with a pushy friend recently also. In our case it kicked off when I was made redundant, I found out that her friends (whom I know but wouldn't class as my friends iyswim) were told about it despite my not even telling my family yet (my friend works with lawyers and I required one). I then confided I was thinking about relocating and was then discussed and put in contact with a recruitment agent in my current location and suggested for a job I was grossly over qualified for and not in the ideal location (I'd have had to cross the city, two rivers makes for terrible traffic). I understand feeling sad about a friend moving away but to actively push them to stay is poor.
The most embarrassing though was while waiting for an appointment with the lawyer she actually contacted him to chase him on my behalf. If she had told me that to her face I'd have likely slapped her, that is so far beyond the bounds of friendship it's scary.

Sadly, despite the conversation being had I've discovered that she's still discussing me with others (in the latest case my attempts at weight loss), she clearly didn't understand when I said some things are my story to tell. While I may now be civil to her, her actions have destroyed what was a close friendship.

I don't have anything more to add to your situation than what's already been said, but I do think explaining your feelings on this would help maintain the friendship but more on the level you wish it.

pollypenny

Apart from the comments on finance, I'd say she's just making conversation.

I was out with friends last night and we talked about holidays, including when we are going. China in June.

PasturesNew

This isn't really about their behaviour and your preferences. It boils down to one thing: you don't actually like them. You're happy to be nodding acquaintances, but not friends.

All you can do is hide/ignore them, or find them new/suitable friends, or find new friends to replace them (if you need friends at all).

They won't change; you won't change .... if you liked them you'd not be irritated by them.

Domayne

I've been asking everyone at work today who they voted for in the general election, even though I never voted myself - Nobody has been funny about answering, but is this a socially unacceptable question? :cool:

PasturesNew

Domayne wrote: »

I've been asking everyone at work today who they voted for in the general election, even though I never voted myself - Nobody has been funny about answering, but is this a socially unacceptable question? :cool:

That's just annoying. If you don't care enough to bother to vote yourself, then (after the event) why on earth would you be interested in how people voted? Don't you have any "proper work" to be getting on with?

Domayne

PasturesNew wrote: »

That's just annoying. If you don't care enough to bother to vote yourself, then (after the event) why on earth would you be interested in how people voted? Don't you have any "proper work" to be getting on with?

Nope, hence why I can be on MSE all day
I asked if it was socially unacceptable because a few people have mentioned people asking them about it as if it were a bad thing...
I don't watch x-factor or big brother either, but when people talk about who they voted for, I chat with them and take an interest...it's called making conversation?
I don't actually CARE who they voted for, but it's something to talk about - rather than the same old crap than the weather! :mad:

Kaye1

Domayne wrote: »

I've been asking everyone at work today who they voted for in the general election, even though I never voted myself - Nobody has been funny about answering, but is this a socially unacceptable question? :cool:

I would never ask. When the pollsters (is that the word?) asked me how I voted, I tell them it's my business. I would say about 50% of my friends keep it private, and 50% don't.

PasturesNew

Domayne wrote: »

Nope, hence why I can be on MSE all day
I asked if it was socially unacceptable because a few people have mentioned people asking them about it as if it were a bad thing...
I don't watch x-factor or big brother either, but when people talk about who they voted for, I chat with them and take an interest...it's called making conversation?
I don't actually CARE who they voted for, but it's something to talk about - rather than the same old crap than the weather! :mad:

Etiquette has always said there are some things one simply doesn't discuss. Politics is one of them.

So, you're inventing things you don't care about in order to speak to people that .... well, you've nothing really in common with.

... and people wonder why my social skills are lacking. I'd just not speak to anybody than invent subjects about which I knew/cared nothing, simply to talk to people!

fivetide

pollypenny wrote: »

Apart from the comments on finance, I'd say she's just making conversation.

I was out with friends last night and we talked about holidays, including when we are going. China in June.

That's what I thought!


OP, what do you expect to talk about? Just the weather every single time you meet up?


You have also said you don't want to tell them about your voting preference because they will 'judge' you on it. Yet, you have already judged them by saying so which makes it a bit hypocritical.


Seems to me like they are just trying to be friends. If you and your OH don't like having friends say so and just speak to each other!


Some of the responses posted have been funny but I don't see there is a need to be rude, sarcastic or insulting to the other couple in real life.