How to handle very nosey (and quite pushy) friend

barbiedoll

Money_maker wrote: »

What did you say? Better than your husband :rotfl:

I told her to mind her own bloody business!

I know that men think that women spend all of their time gossiping about their sex lives to their friends. I've never spoken about my sex life to my mates (apart from moaning when I didn't have one!) and none of my friends talk about their sex lives to me. I don't want to hear about it! :eek:

(Obviously, we gossip endlessly about other people's sex lives!!)

bagpussbear

It sounds like you both have different expectations of this friendship.

You like to see these friends only occasionally, and like to do it on neutral territory, and not go into much depth about things going on in your lives.

They (well the lady more from what you are saying) wants a closer, more in depth friendship, and probably feels more natural to her to see you more, ask personal questions and be more intertwined in your lives.

Nothing wrong with either here, you are just looking for different things in friendships I think.

She seems quite an excitable person, maybe that is why she asking about your holiday. I find it a bit odd that you wouldn't tell her to be honest, it's not a massively personal thing is it.

I think, if you want to keep the friendship, then you need to be more clear about where you wish them to draw the line on some things (they obviously don't get gentle hints!)

So if the questions come up again about how you manage on your money, say something along the lines "don't be offended, but I really don't like to talk about money or my work ok" and change the subject.

But also I think you need to recognise that not all questions are being nosey, that they can be people taking a genuine interest in our lives because they like us and enjoy our company.

fierystormcloud

barbiedoll wrote: »

One of my (ex) friends was like this. She asked me how much my engagement ring cost, she asked me how my husband was "in bed" and she also asked me how much he earned. We had been friends for many years and she considered herself "one of the family". Even my sister doesn't ask me how much my husband earns!

I found that the only way to put off the never-ending questions, is to answer each and every one with an outrageous, implausible and very obvious lie.

For instance, when she asks how you manage by only working 3 days a week, get your husband to jump in with something like..."Oh, she's got a very rich admirer who sends her money for naked webchats"

When she asks about the NY trip, tell her that you're waiting for repairs to your private plane to finish.

When asked who you voted for, tell her that you're not eligible to vote, but you cannot say why due to the Official Secrets Act.

You get my drift?

As for her moaning about you going to the pub without her, just ignore her. She has absolutely no right to muscle in on your social life so don't even think about meeting her any more than you want to. And definitely don't invite her round any more. If she asks why, just tell her that your one of your husband's venomous snakes escaped from a tank and you still haven't found it! :rotfl:

LOL :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I loved this post. How funny it would be to actually say all these things. :rotfl:

Indie_Kid wrote: »

There's taking an interest in your new friends and being pushy. This couple are clearly being the latter. Why does other peoples' financial situations matter?

Exactly. It's utterly absurd to say we are insecure and paranoid. Nothing I said in my OP suggested that. How anyone could come to that conclusion just baffles me! Yes they ARE pushy, and like I said, the thing that is a bugbear at the moment is her fishing to find out when our trip to new York is. And we are not 'keeping anything' from them; we just haven't booked it yet and don't know when we are going.

PlutoinCapricorn wrote: »

Some people 'share' everything (TMI) and expect others to do the same. They lack the concept of personal privacy.

That is true actually. When we were out once, she felt the need to tell me that her coil was 'lost' somewhere up there. :eek: I have no idea why she felt the need to tell me this. Me and my husband have a theory that she just wanted us to know that even though her and her husband are middle aged (and 8-10 years older than us,) that they still have sex. :rotfl:

Thanks for all the responses everyone. I think I just needed a rant and a moan, and the responses did help.

Georgiegirl256

fierystormcloud wrote: »

the thing that is a bugbear at the moment is her fishing to find out when our trip to new York is. And we are not 'keeping anything' from them; we just haven't booked it yet and don't know when we are going.

Well tell her that then, it might stop her from asking.

Some people are just extremely [STRIKE]nosy[/STRIKE] inquisitive and I can see why some people might see that as an invasion of privacy (which it is IMO), but others might see it as her being interested and friendly, and not mind the questions. I think it comes down to a clash of personalities.

justme111

Your life must have not do many friends if you want to stick with that one for entertainment despite seeing her with such a despise. I can only hope my friends will let me know if I ever irritate them to such an extent and even then don't speak about me with such animosity.

Indie_Kid

I was thinking the same thing.

I'm wondering if she's asking about New York because she wants to go to? That's the only time I've actually ask my friend about going away. (I have actually said I do want to go)

fierystormcloud

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Well tell her that then, it might stop her from asking.

Some people are just extremely [STRIKE]nosy[/STRIKE] inquisitive and I can see why some people might see that as an invasion of privacy (which it is IMO), but others might see it as her being interested and friendly, and not mind the questions. I think it comes down to a clash of personalities.

Yeah you're probably right. She is nosy as heck, but probably means no harm, but we see it as being plain nosy.

We have several couples who we are friends with (5 in total,) as well as our individual friends, and this couple are the only ones who grate on us a bit.

Should have said, they do it to several other couples too. When we were in the pub the other week, she was asking this couple who live near her, if their brother (the man's brother) needed a place to stay when he came to visit, as they have several spare rooms. In addition, they keep asking the doctor (who lives 2 streets from them,) for dinner! (He has so far declined!) They also volunteer for everything and then whine about it when their 'turn' comes, and renege on their promise to do stuff!

So I think they are just very needy and very clingy and need attention; where we are not clingy and needy, and don't need anyone. We like the company of people sometimes, (on neutral ground,) but we don't need anyone. They clearly do. Like I said, they are not bad people, and we get on OK with them, but they are definitely different to us in many ways.

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I'm wondering if she's asking about New York because she wants to go to? That's the only time I've actually ask my friend about going away. (I have actually said I do want to go)

If she wants to go, then she can always books a trip herself, she is a big girl. She doesn't need to keep bugging us about our trip. She has literally asked us half a dozen times in as many weeks when we are going, and when we are booking it, and why we haven't booked it yet!

justme111

She probably sees you as lovely but stuck up and inhibited and is on the mission to convert you

fierystormcloud

justme111 wrote: »

She probably sees you as lovely but stuck up and inhibited and is on the mission to convert you

LOL, well ya never know!!!

Thanks everyone for your contributions. I appreciate them.

Night all. :wave:

FatVonD

When she suggests coming round to yours just say 'God, no, I'm stuck here 4 days a week what with only working 3 days, I want a change of scenery'.