Standing up for Pregnant lady

benjus

I think this question makes more sense when viewed from the perspective of the pregnant woman. For the sake of argument let's assume that she does travel this route frequently and knows how the trains work, and that while she'd rather arrive asap nothing particularly bad is going to happen if she's 5 minutes later.

So she arrives at the station and sees a full train about to depart and an empty train due to depart in 5 minutes.

Should she board the full train and ask/expect someone to give up their seat for her, or board the empty train and wait 5 minutes?

Kaye1

I teach my children that kindness costs nothing. I stand if people need a seat, last week I helped an elderly lady load her car, I give my neighbours extra eggs for free.


Why? Because I believe that the majority of the population are generally good kind people, and that is how I want my children to behave.


About a year ago, my car completely died on a busy junction (electrics went). I had a baby in a car seat and it was on a slope. I managed to roll it back down the slope and could do no more. I was causing traffic chaos. Three burly looking lads jumped out of their car, probably aged 20 or so, came over and pushed my car out of the way. Then one of them opened the bonnet and had a look at it for me. They spent about 15 minutes helping me, because they could see I needed help.


I was very grateful and thanked them profusely. Did they need to help? No. Did they need to stay and try to fix the car? No.


Did you need to stand for the pregnant woman? No. But it may have been kind to offer if you are able. Because sometime you may need a helping hand too.

Golfcat

Honestly, I think she should have waited for the next train - if it was obvious there was one and there was a spare seat (assuming she wanted a seat, therefore she clearly got on the full one and didn't need it!)

Flyonthewall

benjus wrote: »

I think this question makes more sense when viewed from the perspective of the pregnant woman. For the sake of argument let's assume that she does travel this route frequently and knows how the trains work, and that while she'd rather arrive asap nothing particularly bad is going to happen if she's 5 minutes later.

So she arrives at the station and sees a full train about to depart and an empty train due to depart in 5 minutes.

Should she board the full train and ask/expect someone to give up their seat for her, or board the empty train and wait 5 minutes?

Or maybe she knew all that and thought "I can't manage to stand for 5 minutes waiting for the next train" or maybe she knew all that but thought the train would have some spare seats and it turned out there were more people on there than she first thought.

Golfcat wrote: »

Honestly, I think she should have waited for the next train - if it was obvious there was one and there was a spare seat (assuming she wanted a seat, therefore she clearly got on the full one and didn't need it!)

Yeah, but it may not have been obvious (at least not to her) and as aleady mentioned there could be numerous reasons why she didn't wait.

FBaby

benjus wrote: »

I think this question makes more sense when viewed from the perspective of the pregnant woman. For the sake of argument let's assume that she does travel this route frequently and knows how the trains work, and that while she'd rather arrive asap nothing particularly bad is going to happen if she's 5 minutes later.

So she arrives at the station and sees a full train about to depart and an empty train due to depart in 5 minutes.

Should she board the full train and ask/expect someone to give up their seat for her, or board the empty train and wait 5 minutes?

Who in their right mind who has no reason to take the first train would prefer to get on a pack train and hope that someone give up their seat although there would be no garantee of it happening, or having to argue with someone to get their seat over just getting on the other one?

It is obvious that if she picked the first train, it is because there was a good reason for it, whatever it was.

lollyb84

Haven't read all the replies, but I had several situations during my pregnancy which required me to get on busy trains. Early pregnancy - I just stood if there were no available seats, there was no need for me to request a seat. Mid pregnancy, I either stood or sat on my bag (or the floor on one occasion on a particularly busy commuter train). I tried to avoid getting busy trains after about 6 months - if a train was busy, I'd just wait for the next one. At 36 weeks pregnant (and clearly so), I had no choice but to get one. I stepped into the carriage and there were no seats. Everyone seated that I could see avoided eye contact with me, so I approached someone who had their back to me, apologised and asked if he minded if i took his seat for 10 mins. I explained I understood he had paid for his seat as much as I had, but I was struggling and I couldn't sit on the floor or I'd never get back up again. To be fair, the gentleman in question jumped up straight away, apologised that he hadn't seen me, and subsequently refused to take the seat back when I offered after I had sat down for a short while. I did thank him rather loudly for still having manners.

I would add - that there were other times in my pregnancy I was offered a seat and I refused because I was able to stand.

So back to the OP - yes, I think you should have offered her your seat. If she was OK to stand, she may have refused but you have no idea why she was getting on that train and couldn't wait for the next one. Perhaps she had a hospital appointment to get to, or an important meeting.

SailorSam

A remember a similar thread to this quite some time ago. The question then put forward was if you were on a train with your young kids and another passenger had to stand, would you tell your kids to get up. I was surprised that time by posters coming back to say ...... No. the kids had paid for a ticket so they were entitled to a seat.

skattykatty

What I understand from the OP is that s/he didn't actually see that the woman was pregnant. Not sure when s/he realise the woman was pregnant and not sure why, once they knew she was pregnant, what difference it would make which stop she got on at. It doesn't make a difference to how pregnant she is! Perhaps once OP realised the woman was pregnant, some guilt set in and s/he tried to justify not offering a seat. Though if OP has difficulties, then why get up anyway?

Whether someone is pregnant, elderly, has mobility problems, balance problems etc...I would hope that if they need a seat they would ask. Like others have said, you can't always tell who needs help just by looking.

geerex

You did the right thing OP - why should you be put out when you've done the sensible thing and planned ahead just to give up the thing you'd planned for to someone who lacked the intelligence to do the same?

People are idiots, they don't use their brains. My local station is a terminus and every day, you see the same people heading for the first open door they see and standing for 50 minutes in a packed rear coach. The front coaches are empty. Not only would they get a seat, they may even get a table to themselves! The irony is that they still need to walk the length of the train at the other end, the walking distance is still the same.
I probably wouldn't have given my seat up either, in the vain hope that maybe she'd learn for next time. Doubtful though that may seem.

Indie_Kid

SailorSam wrote: »

A remember a similar thread to this quite some time ago. The question then put forward was if you were on a train with your young kids and another passenger had to stand, would you tell your kids to get up. I was surprised that time by posters coming back to say ...... No. the kids had paid for a ticket so they were entitled to a seat.

Going by that logic, those of us who don't pay because we have a disability or are elderly, shouldn't get a seat then. How lovely.

Actually, I've never understood why young children (<4 years old) need their own seat on a bus? Why can't they sit on their parents lap?