MSE News: Are you secretly hurting your spouse by looking after the family finances?

Former_MSE_Paloma Posts: 531 Forumite
I've been Money Tipped! Newshound!
edited 21 November 2023 at 11:59AM in Marriage, relationships & families
"My other half deals with the finances. I don't know anything about it." I've lost count of the times I've heard this ...
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Are you secretly hurting your spouse by looking after the family finances?


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  • michaels
    michaels Posts: 27,993 Forumite
    Photogenic Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post
    I try but DW refuses to accept any knowledge on the grounds that if she doesn't know about it then why should she moderate her spending according to our household income....
    I think....
  • Turtle
    Turtle Posts: 999 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary
    michaels wrote: »
    I try but DW refuses to accept any knowledge on the grounds that if she doesn't know about it then why should she moderate her spending according to our household income....

    Wow that's quite childish. Does she stick her fingers in her ears and sing so she can't hear you?!

    I look after all the finances in our house (apart from his sole current account) and my husband wouldn't buy something expensive without 'asking'. He knows I wouldn't lie, so if I say we can't afford something that's fine. I do worry how he'd manage with all the accounts that aren't just his though, I've told him where the spreadsheets are and I'll keep my fingers crossed that nothing happens to me!
  • nicing
    nicing Posts: 28 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I do try to involve my husband whenever possible, but he says he is just not good with these things. I have a spreadsheet with all our financial commitments etc, and we sit together every month or so, so that I can show him how we are progressing. I do try to make sure he knows, so that I know he can keep up to date for our kids sake, should something happen to me.
  • verysillyguy06
    verysillyguy06 Posts: 37,692 Forumite
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Lotta strange questions on this forum: Surely the question is irrelevant? If you want to know, you do finances with your that case, you surely hurt yourself?
    You have the right to remain silent.Anything you do say will be misquoted and then used against you ;)

    Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.

    Bruce Lee
  • Tigsteroonie
    Tigsteroonie Posts: 24,954 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary First Post Photogenic
    I could write a one-page bullet point list for Marley, it still wouldn't make any sense to him, finances will always be a complete mystery :rotfl:
    :heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls

    MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote

    :) Proud Parents to an Aut-some son :)
  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279 Forumite
    Xmas Saver!
    my parents are the generation where the man does all the money dealings and the woman just has a savings account, after over 50 yrs of marriage they've gone along with the arrangement.

    But when my father got took ill last yr (cancer), he spent 1 month in hospital 100 miles from us (happened on holiday) she was a fish out of water, and it was left to me to pick through it all, since then I have all accounts on online banking, even now although dads in remission she still doesn't deal with banks.

    I think couple should work together, even if the 2nd person just sees a spreadsheet. x
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
  • enthusiasticsaver
    enthusiasticsaver Posts: 15,585 Ambassador
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper I've been Money Tipped!
    I have always looked after the finances due to the fact I used to work in a bank and my husband shows no interest in it. I do show him spreadsheets and he has copies of where our savings are and passwords etc but he is just not interested in budgeting etc but I make him look at what we spend and what we have coming in every 3 months.

    We have joint current accounts but most of the savings are in my name as I pay lower rate tax and he would not bother to move savings accounts when the interest rate drops. He says he is no good at all that but I think it is just laziness. He is good at other things though like DIY which I am hopeless at.
    I’m a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on the Debt free Wannabe, Budgeting and Banking and Savings and Investment boards. If you need any help on these boards, do let me know. Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any posts you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button, or by emailing All views are my own and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.
  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker
    Some couples very sensibly play to their strengths. The only time a partner can be "hurt" is when there's skulduggery going on.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • Delree
    Delree Posts: 540 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    I work in rent arrears collection and the amount of times I've had a bloke on the phone say "the missus deals with all that" is unbelievable. People need to take more responsibility.

    I've recently sat in an office with a husband and wife revealing how much debt they're in to the husband. The husband was having a go at his wife but I stopped him and told him that willfull ignorance does not absolve him of blame. He's as much to blame for this mess as his wife and instead of shouting they should team up and work with me to solve it. They didn't. They're funeral.
  • jayII
    jayII Posts: 40,693 Forumite
    I do ours but I insist that OH has a basic grasp of what is happening and where various savings pots are. He'd probably manage, just to do the basics if he ever needed to. I think he finds my fussing with money cute. *rolleyes*

    I also sorted all my mum's various pensions, did probate and so on, when she was widowed. She's since learnt to have a basic grasp on her finances and online banking. It would have been much easier for her if she'd shared the responsibility with her husband from day one.
    [FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot] Fighting the biggest battle of my life. :( Started 30th January 2018.
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