Kids or no kids at my wedding?

coolreb1

It's your day invite who you want...but don't be offended if people decline, leave early or don't stay overnight as they have to get back to their children! I'm going to a wedding where this is the case, accommodation is at the venue and the couple are charging for accommodation to cover some of their costs. They have recently been complaining people are not staying over as can only get evening babysitters so the wedding costs have gone up.
Personally we got married last year and invited all kids (3 breast feeding babies even came on hen do) as I wanted everyone to be able to attend. All children were well behaved and had a great time dancing to the evening Ceilidh, I also provided colouring books to keep them amused at dinner.

Georgieworgy

That's not strictly true. A wedding ceremony held in a registry office or church is a legal and public ceremony and can be attended by members of the public however your wedding reception and any other associated parts of the day are entirely private and under your control.

cashewnut

coolreb1 wrote: »

It's your day invite who you want...but don't be offended if people decline, leave early or don't stay overnight as they have to get back to their children! I'm going to a wedding where this is the case, accommodation is at the venue and the couple are charging for accommodation to cover some of their costs. They have recently been complaining people are not staying over as can only get evening babysitters so the wedding costs have gone up.
Personally we got married last year and invited all kids (3 breast feeding babies even came on hen do) as I wanted everyone to be able to attend. All children were well behaved and had a great time dancing to the evening Ceilidh, I also provided colouring books to keep them amused at dinner.

Glad you had a wonderful wedding day!



Is the other wedding you're talking about a country house type place with lots of bedrooms or something? One of my colleagues is getting married later in the year at such a venue and if guests don't fill the rooms then they have to stump up an extra £300 for each room (the price being for two nights' stay).

irishrugbyfan

We are getting married in November and have decided on a blanket ban on all kids under 16. This is both because we are not running a crèche and I am not paying for them. This may sound selfish but you have to consider that not only is there different food (not just smaller portions as we are having speciality food that kids won't eat) but also entertainment of varying forms for them. Every wedding I have been to recently had involved a child crying during the ceremony and either ruining the atmosphere of forcing one of the invited guests to take the child outside and therefor miss the ceremony!

Everyone we have spoken to has agreed with us, most saying they are looking forward to a child free day/night. My OH's cousin has kicked up a fuss but that's because they think they are the only people on the planet to have had a child: the focus would be on the child all day and not the newly weds!

Georgieworgy

I manage wedding ceremonies in a private venue. I have sat through a lot of weddings and the one thing that always ruins it are people's kids. You expect that people will have the decency to keep their kids quiet during one of the most important and special moments of your life, but I find that they won't and they have absolutely no concept of their precious little one spoiling the ceremony. I have seen it a lot and it has convinced me that I am not having any kids under 10 at my wedding. Some may be good but why risk it?
At one wedding a couple walked their toddler around the room while the ceremony was going on pointing at things and chatting with the child so loudly that you couldn't focus on what the registrar was saying, it was unbelievable! Another one had a wooden toy and spent the entire ceremony banging it on the floor and screaming. All I know is, you can't have that special moment again and if your friend's kid ruins it then you will probably dislike them for a long time after. Invite them to the reception by all means but not to the ceremony. Also I find that most parents, except those with new-borns want to let their hair down occasionally and a wedding is a good time to do this. Those who say that child care is expensive obviously haven't planned to have a life after children. sometimes doing things in life costs some money and if you're tight, don't buy a big present it's the thought that counts.

Sianlis

Totally understand your dilemma. It's your wedding day and you need to enjoy it. We didn't invite children to our wedding as there would have been loads plus the venue was by an open lake! All were over one though so knew it would be less of an issue for the parents to leave them.
Now I have a child (who I love very much despite what I'm about to say!!) with two weddings to go to this year, I'm really looking forward to some child free weekends to spend with my husband!

Saying that we had two weddings when he was 2 months and 4 months old, he flat refused to drink milk from a bottle so I couldn't be apart from him for more than 2-3 hours at a time. One wedding was local so my fab parents ferried him to and from the venue for me to feed him and once the formal bits were over the couple were happy for him to stay. The other wedding was further away so we asked the couple if he could come as other children were invited, we also said any sign of screams we'd whisk him out of the room super quick. They declined and I had to stay home, it was their day though so their choice.
I hope you have a fantastic day and many wishes for a long and happy marriage!

zagfles

Weirdest invite we had was where the bride asked my daughter to be bridesmaid, seems she had this idea that you must have a child bridesmaid and she didn't have any relations she trusted! This was about a year before the wedding.

A month or two before the wedding we get the invite, only made out to me and my wife. Obviously our daughter was invited as she's a bridesmaid, but what about our son? Phone up to query. Neither are invited the reception!!! Strictly no kids at the reception, we were told, something to do with them not wanting certain relatives' kids there.

It's not like it was close to home either, about 40 miles away, and they expected my daughter to be bridesmaid yet not attend the reception, what did they think we'd do, a 80 mile round trip to take her home between the ceremony and reception? Take a babysitter along with us? Err...no.

We gave them the choice - she's at the reception or she's not bridesmaid. They relented, and she was the only child there.

I did think about insisting our son comes too for the cheek - but it's the last place he wanted to be - he was quite happy to spend the day at his mate's house!

duchy

lizbec wrote: »

Weddings shouid be family occasions,yet more and more I hear about children being excluded because - shock,horror - they do things like eat and cry and therefore interfere with the picture postcard perfection of the occasion which seems to be expected these days. And why is it more expensive? Unless you're planning a reception which costs stupid amount per head.
We gift married 25 years ago,at a registry office,and the reception was held at a local family friendly pub. I loved the fact that my nieces and nephews were there and,as adults,they have fond memories of that day. It's one of those occasions that cements friendships and families.
If it really doesn't fit in with your plans then how about a cheaper and more inclusive get together in the evening,to which children could come?

My idea of hell a wedding in a pub - I don't drink and wouldn't want to share my day with the locals in the pub (I used to work in the licensed trade so I know exactly what it can be like). That doesn't mean I can't appreciate why some people like to have their post wedding party/reception in a pub. s and that is fine. I went to my brothers reception in a pub and enjoyed it but that doesn't mean it was right for me anymore than my sitdown dinner reception for my lwedding would have suited him.

A wedding is the one party you are likely to have that is just for the couple and reflects their personal taste and choices. Goodness knows there are likely to be at least ten birthday parties per child to invite children to in the future after all.

If you want a pub knees up- have one, if you want something more dignified do it and invite those you want who are happy to share your celebration and not tell you your hospitality wasn't good enough and you should have done it differently !!.

izzy65

I was the noisy brat at my aunts wedding, nearly 48 years ago but as it was adays trip away my mother wouldn't of even thought of not taking me, my own wedding my oh's aunt took her two kids who weren't invited they were both very well behaved and the hotel did a great job fitting them into the seating arrangements, and at my sons wedding there were double figures of kids and it was great,the caterer did a kids menu that was really well priced, so op just do what ever suits you:)

duchy

The point seems to be that parents shouldn't be miffed at the bride and groom but with parents who have given all kids a bad name by not teaching them how to behave appropriately.