Kids or no kids at my wedding?

DigForVictory

When we married, my huge family expected to bring everyone, but also to meet up with extended family members who were frankly figures of myth & long-drive stories. So where children were brought, they knew they would be on show & behaved beautifully. Some parents thanked us for inviting everyone but just the parents accepted, delighted to have a little time to see family without children in tow.

For us, we got some wonderful extended family photographs, and a very happy day, but I can see it could all have been Very Different. (Ah small cousin in smart suit only just visible under his mother's lovely wedding hat - she was so proud of it that he wanted to try it & his dad [with camera in hand] persuaded her. Decades later, he's still "the one in the hat".

Your day, your call, but your relatives!

bye_bye_band_G

I also think that weddings are meant to be about family, new and old getting together, and I enjoy seeing the children of the family at them.

My daughter got married last year and was considering not asking the family children, both from the view of cost and also some notion about it being a day for adults. My husband and I were making a substantial contribution to the cost of the day, and while we'd originally intended the money to be spent exactly how the young couple wished, in the end we did have to point out that we'd like some of our contribution to be spent on inviting the children.

There would have been friction in the family if they'd not been invited, and some of that would have been directed at us as notionally 'hosting' the event. Our names were at the top of the invitation.

It was a lovely day and everyone in the family enjoyed dancing with the kids at the disco and watching them play outside on the lawn at the reception. They added to the enjoyment of the day.

So, I think a fairly wide view of what the family as a whole would enjoy, especially if they're helping with paying, doesn't go amiss. Shoot me down in flames, but it's not JUST about the bride and groom!!

Having said that, I think friends' children are a different category and if economies need to be made, you could do something in that area.

fabforty

kells99 wrote: »

I would be interested in peoples thoughts to my current dilemma.
My partner has two older children, each of them have a young child too (ages 2 and 3). I would have no issue inviting them if we ever saw his kids and their kids, but we only see them when it is their birthdays, their kids birthdays or Christmas. I do invite them round and try to arrange to see them throughout the year but they are always busy.
My partner has no opinion on the matter when I have broached it with him, my future sister in law thinks I have to invite them, my own sister says not.

Personally I would invite them (I commenting on post that I have quoted, not the OP). Unless there has been a big family falling out (which it appears not), not inviting your children and grandchildren to your wedding is asking for trouble. Your partner may have no opinion (now), but wait until his children react as many children would if they were not invited to a parents' wedding - suspect he will have plenty to say.


For the OP, I have three small children. I wouldn't be upset about an invitation that excluded children, but due to childcare I probably wouldn't go. As long as you won't be offended by some parents not attending then it's your day, do what you want.

brewerdave

Both our daughters invited couples only ,no children -most people understood.
Our niece is getting married shortly and we didn't even warrant an invite to the wedding-just an evening invitation -its all getting too ridiclously expensive for a young couple esp. if their parents can't afford to contribute much.

Kirstyf_2

I think it's completely up to you who you have at your wedding, especially if numbers and expense is a major factor. I agree you should let people know early on if there's a no kids rule as there's always a certain level of logistics involved.

I think location and the type of wedding you're having is also important. My kids (aged 1 & 3) have been to two weddings where they could be whisked away to bed once tiredness threatened to cause temper tantrums. My cousin got married in Central London last year and all four of us were invited but I ended up going alone. The journey alone would have guaranteed the presence of at least one grumpy, overtired toddler who would certainly have ruined the reception, if not the ceremony as well. We didn't have any other babysitter available so my husband stayed with the kids and I had a great time catching up with family and old friends.

Just_caring

We are renewing our vows next year and only inviting family children, 2 grandsons & 3 great niece & nephews aged between 18 months & 9 years, we have mentioned this when giving out "Save the date cards" and are hoping people aren't offended, if they can't attend the late afternoon ceremony we are hoping they can join us after 8pm for the evening celebration. It's our day and we are celebrating it the way we want too.

GDK_DJ

Congratulations first of all. It's a tough one, but for one parent who controls there child there is 9 that don't. I have many horror stories to tell as I've worked in the industry for years. I'm rather lucky at times as I was previously until this year a children's entertainer as well as working with weddings, I can normally get them on my side by the time the first dance comes (give the kids jobs - couple of disposable cameras and of course give them a very important job starting a massive round of applause) but when I'm providing music for the ceremony etc I can't do a thing about it.

If it's pure cost side of things try and negoiate with the venue - you get nothing for been shy!

GlamGirlie

We said no children, and everyone had a blast.

Our view was, it's OUR day, if people don't know us well enough to know we don't like children, or they think it's "rude" to not invite the children, then they don't have to come to the wedding!

We made it clear in the sheet that accompanied the invite (with hotels, directions on etc) that whilst we knew many of our friends had children, we thought they would appreciate a rest from them and an opportunity to party late into the night and for that reason invites hadn't been extended to include children.

We didn't do one of those daft poems though, I think they're a bit chavvy.

Stick to your guns, you'll have a far better day. :beer:

74jax

AT our wedding we invited some kids and others not.

Close friends and their kids were invited (if we liked the kids) other close friends with kids we didn't like weren't invited.

Some family kids were invited, again some others were not.

Totally depends on who you want to invite and who you don't.

BrunoM

What a lot of obnoxiously opinionated people on this thread! Although I suppose you did ask for opinions
You should decide which you'll enjoy more and do that version.