Kids or no kids at my wedding?

burnoutbabe

Cimscate wrote: »

Having said that I think it is entirely up to the poster what she does at her wedding, as long as she explains the reasons are mainly financial not personal should be fine. Could you have an option that people can pay for their own kids if they really want to bring them? Good luck

you can't ask people to pay for their kids!

Most venues have a limit, so you have picked the venue based on the maximum for that venue, adding other people in usually is not possible.

Distantsun

Hi, congratulations!

I think it's fine for you to decide what you want, but like others have said you have to accept people with children might not be able to attend.

Not because they don't want to, but because childcare can be expensive and it is a lot to ask people to look after children, especially if they are small. In planning your wedding there are some things you can think about that can make it easier. My friends wedding was on a Friday, and she invited my parents (our only nearby family). she thought my sister could look after my daughter even though she lived 3 hours away and would need to take annual leave. As it was my partner stayed at home but a Saturday wedding does make babysitters easier if you want parents to come.

Babies don't cost anything! Check with your venue, but most babes in arms don't count towards guests. Ok they can cry, but the vast majority of parents shoot out of the room/church if they make a noise. If the mum is feeding it is very difficult to leave them for a longer period of time even if they really want to share your special day, and having a kid does result in a tangle of emotions there is no defined point where everyone is happy to leave them.

duchy

bylromarha wrote: »

Feel I need to stick up for kids here.

Being part of an active church with 2 universities in the city means that my 2 kids have been to an average of 3 weddings a year since they were born.

Not once have they run around, or cried in the service, or been a pain, or ruined the day for the couple, or been a distraction in any way, shape or form. They have been trained from day 1 to behave appropriately in different scenarios. As a parent, I have been prepared to keep them quiet during the quiet parts with books, silent toys and the like. When they were teeny, I kept a close eye and whipped them out if I suspected they were going to cry.

3 different weddings the bride and groom came over to say hi and comment on how well behaved the kids were.

Yes, some kids are a pain as their parents allow them to be. However, I don't remember the kids at our wedding doing anything to ruin our day.

If you know the parents, then you know how they parent and if their kid is a handful or not.

Once again (and whether it is perception or reality is a whole different matter) your children's behavour was considered unusual enough that the bride and groom commented on it - which implies they expected less (of children in general not your in particular )

My son is on the autistic spectrum and finds even now as an adult social events with lots of people very uncomfortable but as a parent my job was to make sure his discomfort didn't impact on other people by keeping an eye on him, taking him outside at early signs of discomfort before it escalated - having a breather and then returning, I really don't understand parents who don't take their kids out at the first sign instead of waiting until the child is noticably disruptive . However fact is a significant number of parents don't do it - and I can understand completely why it's easier to say no kids if you have friends or family who simply don't see that their little cherubs acting out isn't appreciated by everyone else and can't/won't do anything about it.

lizbec

duchy wrote: »

My idea of hell a wedding in a pub - I don't drink and wouldn't want to share my day with the locals in the pub (I used to work in the licensed trade so I know exactly what it can be like). That doesn't mean I can't appreciate why some people like to have their post wedding party/reception in a pub. s and that is fine. I went to my brothers reception in a pub and enjoyed it but that doesn't mean it was right for me anymore than my sitdown dinner reception for my lwedding would have suited him.

A wedding is the one party you are likely to have that is just for the couple and reflects their personal taste and choices. Goodness knows there are likely to be at least ten birthday parties per child to invite children to in the future after all.

If you want a pub knees up- have one, if you want something more dignified do it and invite those you want who are happy to share your celebration and not tell you your hospitality wasn't good enough and you should have done it differently !!.

It wasn't a knees up at all and no one was forced to drink alcohol. It was a perfectly "dignified" celebration in a reception room at a local family friendly pub!
I'm not suggesting they shouid have it in a pub if that's not what they want. My point was that the whole wedding culture has become ludicrous and people are obsessed by creating the perfect day. I feel weddings shouid be family occasions,unless of course you decide to exclude everyone except a couple of witnesses. It's all very well saying,sod what people think,but we don't live in a vacuum and people's feelings will be hurt. I'm talking about children within the family - maybe children of friends are a separate issue. Just my opinion:)

meknowalot-51

Your issue seems to be the cost so tell them that each child is going to be £50,or what i think is a much better idea is to have a ban on all kids/teens.Some teenagers can be a nightmare where as others can be perfect rollmodels for their age in manners and respect.This to a large extent is all down to parenting and a reflection on homelife.You say,"except babies"i would say especially babies,think of the noise.Like most couples nowadays you could already have kids of your own which is going to make things a bit awkward.This wedding is your day and people will respect whatever decision you both make so don't feel bad.The adults you invite will be able to relax and have some proper free time,enjoy the day and life.

Shell5bell5

Of course I agree with the thought of 'it is your wedding, do what makes you happy'

Is the reason for the 'no children' purely from a cost point of view? I would think all parents would understand as weddings cost so much money as it is.
It just saddens me to hear of stories where children are being allowed to run riot and interrupt a ceremony.

In my own experience, including my own wedding, there have always been children there, and not once have any been noisy or disrespectful.
I must have been to at least six or seven weddings and at each one the children were well supervised and not allowed to just roam the ceremony or cause havoc.
Where are the parents or is this just the norm in some families?

There was only ever one wedding where we were not allowed to bring the children and we politely declined. Only because it was impossible to get a babysitter.

All the others have been lovely with a warm family atmosphere, and not a bouncy castle or craft table in sight! It's a wedding not a kids party!
If a bride thinks that this is what she needs to provide these days, no wonder kids are not invited.
I'd have been mortified seeing an inflatable castle at my wedding.

Each to their own but I can sympathise with brides today if they are given information like this. Children are just as well behaved sat a table, chatting to other children, drinking a glass of juice and singing along with music or dancing.

walby1993

I really hope all the people on here think that "children would ruin a lovely day" or that they are "brats" don't have children as they clearly don't like them very much...

I have been to four weddings since my little boy was born and he was invited to three of them. For two of the weddings we took him, as they were both close family (my parents and my SIL) and we had been invited all day. My DS behaved impeccably at both (one when he was 4 months old and the other when he was almost 18 months). He didn't cry during either ceremony or speeches, nor did he run around during the meal. I planned things that I knew would keep him quietly amused for those times and he loved being involved with the day (seeing family, clapping when the ceremony was finished, having a meal with everyone and dancing in the evening).

The third wedding was an old uni friend who said my LO was invited as she didn't have to pay for under 2s but other kids were full price :eek: which she felt was a rip-off (I agree) and it would have only affected one or two people anyway. We decided against taking him as, although we had been invited all day, it would have been a very long day (it was an hours drive from home) and we fancied just going as a couple.

The fourth wedding was an old friend who made it very clear that children wasn't invited. I was offended but only because she made it clear that her reason was because of how much she dislikes children. We wouldn't have taken our DS anyway as we had been invited for the evening only and I wouldn't start leaving the house to go out at 7:30pm with him when he goes to sleep at 7pm.

So, to answer the OP question, if you don't want children there then that is fine. Most parents won't be offended at all unless you tell them that the reason is because their children would "ruin your day by misbehaving, screaming and crying".

Daisies

I bet you won't even notice if there are any kids at your wedding during the ceremony. We had 15 children at ours, out of a total of 60 guests (14 of the kids were under 6), and I was so immersed in my wedding bubble of happiness, that all I was aware of during the service was my husband, and the vicar standing to the side of us! I have no idea how the children behaved, but it was a 45 minute service and there didn't seem to be any problems.

We were thanked afterwards for providing activity packs, which the children were given as they entered the church. This doesn't need to be expensive - I just bought packs of plastic wallets at Tesco, and crayons/pencils, colouring books from Poundland and divided them up between the wallets depending on each child's age. It worked out at about £10 in total for 14 packs.

Obviously, it's up to you who you invite to your wedding, but it would have made ours very difficult if we hadn't invited the children, as many of our family/friends live 3-4+ hours journey away from us. TBH it never occurred to us not to invite them. Weddings are about family and it would have seemed strange not to invite them.

We had an afternoon tea reception at a local pub, which worked brilliantly as it meant many families didn't need to stay overnight, which made it cheaper for them to come to the wedding. We had a table of children's finger foods - cherry tomatoes, bread sticks, chicken things, cucumber, celery, which went down really well, and which the pub didn't actually charge us for as we were paying per head for the adult buffet food.

Triangle

I love my boys more than anything but the thought of a rare day off from them to go to a friends wedding - time to relax and have fun - sounds like total bliss!

bylromarha

duchy wrote: »

Once again (and whether it is perception or reality is a whole different matter) your children's behavour was considered unusual enough that the bride and groom commented on it - which implies they expected less (of children in general not your in particular )

If they did expect less, maybe it was because they'd had loads of people telling them, maybe on a moneysaving forum, that it was a big mistake having kids at their wedding as they were going to ruin their day

People saw us and our kids week in week out on a Sunday and knew how our kids behaved. Any sane person wouldn't have expected a massive difference in behaviour at a wedding to that which they saw every week.