Kids or no kids at my wedding?

cashewnut

BrunoM wrote: »

What a lot of obnoxiously opinionated people on this thread! Although I suppose you did ask for opinions
You should decide which you'll enjoy more and do that version.

What opinions have you found obnoxious?

[Deleted User]

I wish there had been a "no children" rule at my niece's wedding recently. we missed all their wedding vows thanks to a screaming baby 2 rows back - and the parents just sat there trying to soothe it rather than taking the baby outside. (She later confided in me that she HAD wanted a childfree wedding but a couple of her friends had objected; it did make me wonder whose wedding it was).

Mal25

As long as you're consistent and don't invite any of your friend's kids then you can give good reasons - size of venue, cost etc. Your friends should understand though inevitably some probably won't. In fairness it may exclude some who won't be able to come, especially if they have very young kids and no family nearby to look after them.

ajr77

My husband already had a son from an earlier marriage. It would have been very lonely for him if we hadn't invited any kids. Fortunately the vicar's two kids were either side in age, and another friend had two kids one the same age and one a bit older and they all had their own table together (with the other two sets of parents). They were as good as gold.

rdone

I'm getting married next year and we're only having close family children. I don't want my wedding turning into a creche!!
If they're not understanding then tough, they don't deserve to be there and see it as money saved!

duchy

bylromarha wrote: »

If they did expect less, maybe it was because they'd had loads of people telling them, maybe on a moneysaving forum, that it was a big mistake having kids at their wedding as they were going to ruin their day

People saw us and our kids week in week out on a Sunday and knew how our kids behaved. Any sane person wouldn't have expected a massive difference in behaviour at a wedding to that which they saw every week.

Or maybe they'd attended a wedding where children *were* disruptive and they were worried they'd suffer the same. Often it isn't friends kids as we tend to pick friends who think the same way we do about child rearing - but family -where the fallout if offence is taken can be a lot more destructive.

You've taken this personally - but it isn't about you and your children. An awful lot of children haven't learnt how to behave at a dinner table at home -let alone in public. It's the same in a ceremony-go to any church and there will be families who will take their kids out when they get restless and others who will sit there oblivious when their children disrupt the service.

One size simply doesn't fit all and snarking at people who don't agree with you is a bit intolerant. As parents you (and I) feel our kids need to behave in socially acceptable ways- but not everyone thinks that way (or has the same expectation of what is acceptable behaviour). I was considered a "strict" parent as I was very consistent -partly because my son did better with consistency with his disability and partly because I was raised that way too-but like you I would get complimented on his behaviour -because it was perceived as exceptional and not how *some* other children behaved or were taught.

Ido think it depends on who your guests are - a younger , first time married couple with no kids wedding has a different demographic often to a couple who have lived together already and have several children already or have step children (and have a different level of tolerance to kid behaviour)

Corona wrote: »

I wish there had been a "no children" rule at my niece's wedding recently. we missed all their wedding vows thanks to a screaming baby 2 rows back - and the parents just sat there trying to soothe it rather than taking the baby outside. (She later confided in me that she HAD wanted a childfree wedding but a couple of her friends had objected; it did make me wonder whose wedding it was).

I wonder how many people at Corona's niece's wedding were influenced by that baby's parents choices -and when it comes to their own wedding will want to avoid that happening to them. I know when I was planning my wedding things I'd seen at other weddings influenced my choices (more what I didn't want than what I did want).

Sally22_2

At our wedding ceremony, we are having just my niece and nephew who will be nearly 5 and nearly 3 and a friends newborn (who will be approx two weeks old!)

At the evening reception, all kids are welcome but I think some of the adults will like the evening to themselves and not bring them but it will be their choice!

masterofnumbers

I'm getting married in December and so far there are 11 children and 3 babies on the way which is a bit scary!


I trust that if the babies are upset that their parents will take them out and all the children are either relatives or very close friends offspring so I know what they are like at weddings having seen them at so many. Still a bit nervous though!

Gloomendoom

bazzyb wrote: »

Weddings are public events, so anybody can turn up whether you invite them or not.

This is only partly true. Only the ceremony is a public event so anybody can attend, invited or not. The post ceremony shindig is private... unless you want it to be otherwise.

heartbreak_star

I'd probably have no kids at the ceremony (but if I got married I'd want a very small actual ceremony) but have them for the reception

HBS x