Kids or no kids at my wedding?

jgriggle

Your wedding, your rules. However be prepared to lose some friendships over this. Not inviting kids is a bit like only inviting one half of a married couple.

At best you're basically saying to your loved ones "we don't trust your children to behave themselves, and we don't trust you as parents to make sure they do". At worst you're saying "we don't like your children".

Most parents are sensible enough to remove young children from the ceremony/speeches if they start acting up.

The best weddings are fun, chaotic gatherings of family and friends, young and old. A wedding is after all supposed to be a party.

If you do decide to invite kids, consider putting together 'party bags' with colouring books, stickers etc. to keep them entertained during the speeches etc. Consider hiring a giant Jenga/Connect4 set.

mandy0404

Personally, I understand it from both sides. When I got married I didn't want any kids because I'd been to weddings where babies screamed through the ceremony and secondly, to accommodated all kids (we counted 30) would have been a nightmare. It's your wedding and you should make the rules - just be fair. Explain is to your friends and family so it doesn't come as a surprise - they will understand your choices because the day is about you - not them. To be honest many parents might like to relax without their kids for a day!

If your friends and family don't accept this then it is a choice that they have to make - they shouldn't put unnecessary pressure on you because if you allow one exception that will not be fair on the other parents who have accepted no kids.

I have been to wedding with my kids which was lovely; I have had to decline a wedding because my kids were too young (and not invited) so my husband went alone, and I have been to a wedding without the kids (as they were not invited and stayed with grandparents) - although I was not impressed when a baby of a similar age was sat next to me at the table!

The choice is yours - just be fair.

julie777

do what you have to do!

starmanuk

Just a thought. Could you provide a room for the kids with some supervision? Maybe ask parents to contribute a bit to the cost thus saving them a bit on baby sitting and ensuring your friends with children are able to come to your big day?

ZsaZsa

I wouldn't (and haven't been) offended, as all the weddings we've been invited since we had children have been adult only. Unfortunately this means we haven't been able to attend as we simply don't have anyone to look after the children. But, as has been said already, it is your wedding and entirely up to you.
Please remember though that lots of children do know how to behave, my are perfectly well behaved in restaurants and family occasions (fortunately for us, or my husband and I would never be able to go anywhere!!)

Ebenezer_Screwj

It's your wedding you can invite who you like. Personally, I wouldn't invite children to attend ANY social event, they are such a wretched nuisance, due solely to the fact that parents no longer bring up children with any sort of discipline or even basic good manners.

SVW

Somebody earlier said that weddings are public events and anyone can be there, invited or not. This may be true at a church or register office, but many weddings are held in private venues and I doubt that anybody can turn up. And also this is not an attitude to encourage - why would you want to spoil somebody's wedding day by turning up when you have not been invited?
My daughter is getting married this year and the venue is licensed for 120 people so they are restricted to that number. Their first guest list came to 156 people, so they started off by removing all children from the list which brought it down by nearly 30. Many of their friends with children relish a 'day off' but the children have grandparents that they can stay with so this does not entail extra cost. They then had the difficult decision of removing some friends from the list to bring the numbers down to 120. If you are a parent the choice is yours. Decline the invitation if you will not go without your children but please do not put pressure on the bride and groom to include your children. They are not obliged to invite anybody and I know how difficult my daughter and her fianc! are finding it. They are sad that some friends may feel that they cannot attend but they feel it would be worse to make an exception for one or two people and risk antagonising the other parents who have been told that their children are not invited.

happyinflorida

My suggestion would be, as you don't mind if children are at your wedding, put on the invites, that due to cost if parents want to bring their children they will have to pay for them. I think that is more than fair in view of the enormous expense a wedding is in todays world!

kells99

I would be interested in peoples thoughts to my current dilemma.
My partner has two older children, each of them have a young child too (ages 2 and 3). I would have no issue inviting them if we ever saw his kids and their kids, but we only see them when it is their birthdays, their kids birthdays or Christmas. I do invite them round and try to arrange to see them throughout the year but they are always busy.
My partner has no opinion on the matter when I have broached it with him, my future sister in law thinks I have to invite them, my own sister says not.

weasley_2

As has been said a lot - your wedding, your rules. However, I would add that you also have to realise that your friends now come with kids attached - they have changed, moved on, grown-up etc. If you invite your friends, you invite who they are now, not who they used to be.

At our wedding we made no distinction about kids, but asked people to let us know if they were bringing theirs - we then set up a 'creche' room with table where qualified child-minders took care of them, fed them etc just during the meal/speeches - parents popped in to see how they were as and when they needed to and one or two stayed with their parents throughout the festivities - it went off fine. The kids had kids food, which was cheaper and they were happier.