Kids or no kids at my wedding?

duchy

I do think it's only fair to be clear early on - and not to get upset if people decline if it is a no kids wedding especially if the wedding is some distance away.

I had a no kids wedding - not because I hate children but because we had a registry office wedding followed by a sit down meal - no evening event/disco etc and most kids would have been bored. Our friends had no issue with it - one cousin did (threw a tantrum because his 12 year old had never been to a wedding -I'd never met her btw). In all honesty had I known her I'd have invited her as 12 is old enough *just*but although he lived fairly locally he had never brought her when he visited (he was divorced and the kids lived with him) so she was a stranger.

He did the diva "If my child isn't welcome then I'm not welcome" which rather backfired on him when he got told OK we'd take him off the guest list - His side of the family were big on emotional blackmail - mine had no time for it.

I do agree if you have a no kids rules then it should be a blanket rule -(bridesmaids and page boys aside) to avoid people feeling that *their* child wasn't invited but someone else's was.

keithinfife

I think it depends. I get why people don't want kids (though I don't agree with the comment that weddings are for adults only) but at the same time I do think it adds to the day.

I think you might have to have different rules for different people, though. For example, while I might be a bit more understanding about "no kids" for a friend's wedding, I would be hurt and offended if it applied for a family wedding. Why? Well, my child is as much part of the family as I am, and if you exclude her from the wedding then you might as well just exclude me too.

You're always going to be on difficult ground with this. I would suggest that if you don't expect a lot of kids, and you know the kids who would come to be well behaved, then just roll with it (remember, well behaved kids mean the parents are more likely to enjoy themselves too!) If your friends and family do have a lot who would come, then you could say "no kids" but be prepared for people to decline, and for some people (probably most likely family) to be very unhappy about it.

Jordo

We had a strict no children invite clause for our wedding: no one dropped out, a few people left before the end that's it - everyone loved it and it was a much cooler, adult wedding - go for it!

NRTurner

At our wedding we were happy to allow kids - the venue catered for under-12s for half-price and babies didn't cost extra, so financially it wasn't much of an issue. We provided age-appropriate activity bags over dinner for the kids, instead of favours, which seemed to keep them quiet.

Other friends have said no kids and this doesn't seem to have been an issue, but most people in my friends group are only just starting to have families now.

Since your main issue is cost, have you tried negotiating with the venue about cheaper childrens' meals, for example? You could also consider asking parents to contribute to the costs if bringing kids; after all, they may end up having to pay for childcare either way. You know your friends better than us and whether this would be appropriate.

At the end of the day it is your day and your decision. Everyone's different!

wiltsguy_2

no kids, you are holding your wedding, your big day-not a childrens party!

ButterflyLC

I am getting married 2 weeks on Saturday (EEEK!!) and IMO you are overthinking this. We decided on 60 guests and kids (as we don't have any) didn't even come into the discussion for us. We both have 6 aunties and uncles each, so start adding the husbands and wives too, you start to lose space. I mean that's 30 people alone if you add the wedding party and not the siblings! Also, I am 26 and most of the kids I know are young enough (2-7 yo) to run about and cause havoc, something that I didn't want. I want my day to go perfectly without worrying about other people's children. I made it clear on my invitations who was invited and kids didn't even come into discussion with the guests either. The only time it did was when my friend asked as she wanted to make sure they weren't invited so she could get a weekend away!:rotfl:I have a strict no kids rule in place and only one person has pulled out because of it. We only have our 2 small nephews who are 1 and 18 months as they are close family and so small I'd never ask my sister or sister in law to leave them behind. Invite who you want to your wedding, some parents will be glad of the break. Most of the time there are 2 sets of Grandparents that may well babysit at the weekend anyway. Don't stress out, you are making an issue out of something that isn't actually an issue at the moment. Also bare in mind that if you say yes to one child, the other parents will wonder why their child wasn't invited. Make sure you have one rule for everyone and stick to your guns on it. IMO if you don't have kids, you shouldn't have to worry about catering for other people's kids. If you are even considering having no kids there then don't do it.

purpleweasel

pabenny wrote: »

How would you feel if you were invited to a family event and were told no partners?
.

Partners are surely different from children???

We have friends/relations with children ranging from a couple of months to 18 or 19 so at what point do they stop being "children"? If all the children are around the same age you could do a blanket exclusion (or hire a childminder for the day) but it must be harder if there is a range of ages to decide a cut-off point?

ps people need to read the original post, it does say "except babies"

Pussinboots_2

We recently went to an Adults only wedding, it did not bother us at all that our children were not invited. I think it depends on the venue, if its a local community hall and self catering then yes children could be catered for but if its a more formal hotel/restaurant then thats different. We all know how expensive these more formal locations charge and the wedding we went to was £60+ per adult and £35+ for children which can push the budget of the newlyweds. Any good friends would realise this dilema and not be offended. They could always offer to pay for their children if they have no other option. When invited to events we never assumed our kids were automatically invited and always asked before we gave our answer. Dont be made to feel guilty its your special day, its a tricky one but your decision should be respected.

Augustus_the_Strong

If, as you say, so many of your friends now have kids, you would do better to include them.

At our wedding we had a stand-up reception for about 120, followed in the evening by a sit-down dinner for about 40. Kids were at both, no problem. At the dinner all the kids sat at their own table, presided over by the eldest, who was about 14.

It's nicer to be inclusive if you can - just takes a bit of pre-planning.

tain

How much do kids really cost? Their food is less than half of adults food. Is your venue charging full price for them? If so, that's pretty poor form for them.

We've got over 30 kids coming to our wedding (I've got 15 nieces and nephews alone!), and other than bouncy castle hire, it's costing us very little.

And selfishly, it means an extra 5-10 more couples can now come, meaning more presents. Far outweighs the price of a little more food and a bouncy castle.