Kids or no kids at my wedding?

pabenny

How would you feel if you were invited to a family event and were told no partners?

If you are concerned about the cost, make savings elsewhere or invite fewer guests. You can spend a fortune on a wedding - or you can do it very thriftily and many of the 'essentials' are completely non-essential.

Some of the posters have expressed concerns about noisy children or babies. Responsible and considerate parents understand this and they are usually the most concerned if their infant starts to be disruptive, and will take the child out of the room.

xHannahx

As a parent we would and have in the past politely decline a wedding invite if it said no children. Our time off work is spent with the kids.
One of them admittedly changed her stance when half of her guests declined, highlighting childcare costs or that their days off work are spent with the kids. She was young and didn't realise or understand the implications to parents not being able to bring kids until half her guest list declined the invite.

pennypinchUK

It's your day - do what you want. Most parents will understand the issue, and accept it.

bazzyb

Weddings are public events, so anybody can turn up whether you invite them or not.

kitkate81

Not at all! I think a wedding is an adult affair. We had the ceremony, dinner, speeches then a disco until late. You wouldn't invite kids to a meal in a restaurant then a nightclub!

We had 2 nieces and two babies and wrote something in the invite along the lines of 'as much as we love you children on this occasion we are unable to accommodate them at our wedding, we hope you understand'. This didn't stop anyone coming and most said how much they enjoyed a night off baby sitting and could let their hair down!!

Fujiko

xHannahx wrote: »

As a parent we would and have in the past politely decline a wedding invite if it said no children. Our time off work is spent with the kids.
One of them admittedly changed her stance when half of her guests declined, highlighting childcare costs or that their days off work are spent with the kids. She was young and didn't realise or understand the implications to parents not being able to bring kids until half her guest list declined the invite.

I find it hard to believe that working parents spend all their days off work solely with their children! Do they never go out with other adults, or do they expect always to take their children with them? Do they not have an arrangement for someone to baby-sit? They might be lucky enough to have a family member who would do this, otherwise a reciprocal arrangement with a friend

I am sure I am not the only person who has had what should have been an enjoyable meal, for example, ruined by children rushing around and the parents obviously oblivious to the disruption they were causing. How much worse at a wedding? At both our and our daughter's wedding we made it clear that children were not invited. We did not offend family nor did we lose any friends!

I recently had to attend a funeral service which was constantly disrupted by a baby crying - finally taken out by its mother - and by other older children. Point made?

Lady_H_2

I do agree to an extent that it's the couples day and they can do whatever they want but both sides need to be reasonable about it, for example the couple can't then be annoyed if parents of young children decide not to attend. We have a six month old baby and have been invited to 4 weddings this year that she is banned from. To make matters worse my husband is best man at one, an usher at another and I am bridesmaid. I find this particularly frustrating because they are essentially taking away the option of not going so pretty much dictating that we have to leave our young baby at home which I would much rather not do until she is at least a year old.

xHannahx

Fujiko wrote: »

I find it hard to believe that working parents spend all their days off work solely with their children! Do they never go out with other adults, or do they expect always to take their children with them? Do they not have an arrangement for someone to baby-sit? They might be lucky enough to have a family member who would do this, otherwise a reciprocal arrangement with a friend

I am sure I am not the only person who has had what should have been an enjoyable meal, for example, ruined by children rushing around and the parents obviously oblivious to the disruption they were causing. How much worse at a wedding? At both our and our daughter's wedding we made it clear that children were not invited. We did not offend family nor did we lose any friends!

I recently had to attend a funeral service which was constantly disrupted by a baby crying - finally taken out by its mother - and by other older children. Point made?

We don't have any childcare options, my mum passed away so haven't that option. No other family locally.

You wouldn't lose us as a friend by not inviting the children, nor would we take offence, we would be apologetic that we couldn't attend due to having children and no childcare options. The cost of a babysitter is out of the question due to tight finances.

Its also unfair to tarnish that children all run round like you describe. We recently took our two for a meal aged 2 & 4, and they sat so impeccably behaved the proprietor of the restaurant discounted the cost of the children's meals off our final bill. The key is keeping them occupied take them something to keep them quiet during proceedings.

I do agree a funeral is not a place for young children though, and wouldn't dream of taking my girls to a funeral.

GwylimT

Its up to you as it is your wedding, I personally wouldn't attend a wedding without my children, unfortunately some people don't point this out for a long time. I was a friends best man but he didn't tell anyone there was a no children rule until eight weeks before meaning myself the best man had to pull out, an usher did and one of the bridesmaids.

fab_and_frugal

My youngest child is 18, and none if them have ever been to a wedding! Over the years we've been invited to maybe 9/10 weddings, & they've all been "no kids". There have been times when we've just not been able to go (twice) but generally we've had enough notice to make arrangements, even if it's been only attending part if the day it evening.

Something I would say is it's either "no kids" or not, I am much more offended if there are other kids running around (exc immediate family if course!) when I can't bring mine than I am if its a blanket rule for all guests.

Congratulations btw