Never realised how much this would hurt

Newname_2

zarf2007 wrote: »

Are there any opportunities in your line of work to maybe move to another company & increase your salary? Or perhaps take a 2nd job which involves meeting people which would increase your circle of friends and acquaintances?

Not at the moment, I haven't worked there long, Im still in my probation period, but I'm showing that I'm eager and I'm grabbing all the overtime available. I am looking for a second job because I know I'm going need the money so I'm hoping that I will find one that will increase my social circle.

marleyboy

Newname wrote: »

Thanks all, the thing I'm worried about is that im going to get very lonely, I've worked it out and after paying bills and putting petrol in my car and feeding myself I'm actually not going to have hardly any money left. So while I would like to get out there and enjoy my life, I won't be able to afford to, also Im not really the type to go out on my own and as my friends are all settled down this is leaving limited chances. I've done everything I can think off, selling stuff, checking what extra help I can get, I always shop in the cheapest places anyway but it looks like I'm going to be skint, apart from trying to take a second job I don't know what else to do. My friend (who's married) said that she used to enjoy the single life, but I think single life is just fun if there are other single people around you and if you can afford to go out.

Sorry I'm just really down right now and I can't see how this is going to get better.

OP, just think of all the NEW friends you have found on here. Even that is just one drop in a vast ocean. No point being negative, you have to focus on all that is positive else you will never make time to enjoy yourself.

Newname_2

Rowan_moon wrote: »

It seems like you were really focused on your goals before this took you off course. You are studying to be able to have the career you want,

Yeah I'm still focused on my career, which is why I'm still trying to concentrate on my studies, in the hope that something good will come out of this.

I know I need to look forward in life and stop thinking of what could have been but I'm just finding it difficult, I thought I had found the one and that my life was sorted, now there's loads of uncertainty. This uncertainty could lead to exciting times but I had all these plans that I'm just not going to be able to do now. I know there's loads of people who don't get to travel or have a social life but Im worried that without a social life I'm just going to get really lonely, I can't become a crazy cat woman because I'm allergic to most animals lol!

SavingPennies_2

Newname wrote: »

Yeah, he wanted two boys apparently, maybe he was put off because I joked that there were more girls in my family so I'd probably have girls.

Gender is determined by the father's chromosome, so whether you had boys or girls would be entirely down to him. Though this would be a rather stupid reason for him to leave you anyway.

FBaby

Do you have any opportunities to make new friends through your studies? Or even at the college/Uni you are going to? How about work? If you are new, it might not be obvious yet, but there may be people there you could become friends with.

My advice would be to try to stay away from nights out to meet new people/potential partner. It does end up being expensive and you won't forcibly meet the people who share the same outlook then you.

Have you considered joining a running/drama club. Even if you are not into those things at all, you won't be the first who starts from scratch. How about helping in festivals, helping in sporting events (the atmosphere is brilliant and you would get to meet interesting people, even if you don't actually participate in the sport).

There is no denying that it is hard to meet new people, let alone new potential partners without spending much money at all, but it is not impossible and you can really have fun in the way.

Newname_2

I have made friends with the people on my course, but as its mainly full of mature students like myself most people are working alongside. They also have families and none of us really live near each other so we don't really socialise away from the course, I get it, they need to get home to look after their kids. I was never worried about being single before, until I looked around and realised I was the last one.

Its weird, when I was in my twenties and all my friends were settling down I didn't want it, I was too busy enjoying myself, and then the nights out got less as more people coupled up and I started to want it myself, then I met him, fell in love and now I feel like I've lost everything.

I feel really silly feeling like this, honestly I used to be the type of woman that would find it strange when people talked about broken hearts, thought it was a teenage thing. Im looking forward to living on my own for a bit, but also worried that I'll start to feel isolated.

I will look in to your suggestion about joining some sort of club, right now I won't have time with studying and working but hopefully when the course has finished, although my main priority will have to be working as much as possible and making as much money as possible.

When I say about going out its not really to meet new people, I know its difficult to meet people on nights out because usually people are drunk and sometimes only out for one thing. I just mean to go out and have a good dance, a few drinks, enjoy myself. But after working out my budget after bills, this doesnt look like its going to happen anyway, I know I should count myself lucky that Im not going to starve and that I can afford to pay bills.

Do you know I used to love my life, always going new places, on nights out all the time and I never thought I'd be the one stuck in my thirties with nobody.

FBaby

You are most probably right in everything you say BUT...if you start focussing on all the things you can't do rather than what you could possibly do even if it might not be so easy, then psychologically, you will feel much better about yourself.

I am in a relationship, working full-time and looking after kids, but I have two single friends and I do go out with them. Ok, not as often as they probably would like, but regularly enough that we remain close friends.

In terms of being able to afford a good dance and a few drinks, if it means a lot to you -which you should rightly so, you do deserve a minimum of a social life - then you should start to see how you could budget towards it. I started saving £2 coins and couldn't believe how much money I got after a few months, even though I don't use cash that often. Look at what you could maybe give up that would mean that you could go out once a month. Don't hesitate to be totally honest with your friends. If one of my two single friends told me she would love to go out together one evening, but really couldn't afford it, I would suggest I pay for it and would have no issue at all with it if I knew that she really trully couldn't afford it.

Do make the time to socialise as indeed, it is easy to fall into the trap of living to work and not see the years go by. One of my single friend is guilty as sin. She admitted to me that she works very long hours so that she doesn't come home to think about how lonely she is. The problem is, she is so dedicated to her job, she does very little else, so not surprisingly, she isn't really meeting anyone. it can become a vicious circle.

neatheyc

Newname wrote: »

Hiya everyone, I've set up a new profile because I just want some advice.

Im 33 and up until recently was in a relationship for 4 years. A few weeks ago I got home from work and he told me that he wanted us to split up, said he didn't love me anymore. We were engaged, though hadnt made any plans for getting married, we were going to start trying for a baby sometime this year. This came completely out of the blue, the day before we had been discussing holiday plans, when he left for work that morning he kissed me goodbye and told me he loved me, so I was stunned, I still don't know exactly what happened because he's refused to discuss anything with me. I do know that there is nobody else involved because we live in a small village and I would have heard by now. All I've heard about him is that he seems miserable, but I've got fed up asking him to meet me and I've given up and decided to try to move on.

At first I completely broke down, he was the first time I had ever been in love, I kept crying all the time and couldnt eat or sleep, then I went through a phase of just wanting to eat junk all the time, so I've put on weight in the last 2 weeks, going to start eating healthy tomorrow to try to get back to the way I was.

When we were together I was living in his house, so Ive had to move out and find a place by myself, I was working part time and studying part time, my job is a minimum wage one which was fine while I was living with him. I'm studying for something which would give me a chance of a great career and I was volunteering alongside, this experience was to give me something to put on my CV to help me with my new career once I was qualified.

Now Im living on my own I've obviously had to take more hours in work and I had to stop my voluntary work, I've still managed to continue my studies thankfully, and Ive worked out all my earnings and I know I can afford the bills but its not going to leave me with much left to have any sort of social life.

Im honestly scared about the future now. All my friends are either married or settled with kids and I feel like the last one left. All I've seen today are photos of my friends enjoying their time with their children and Im worried that its just never going to happen for me, I want children so much it actually hurts, I was so looking forward to us starting a family. We also had some plans for the summer and now I just dont want summer to happen, I know all I'll be doing is working and going home to an empty house. All the travel plans we had are not going to happen and even if I could persuade someone to come with me there is no way I could afford to go anywhere now. Yes I know I can arrange the odd night out with a friend by they have their own families to think of.

I know I need to take some time to heal from this and then maybe try to meet some new people but even with working as many extra hours as I can Im not going to have much left after bills to have nights out. Also Im trying to take on as many shifts as possible so that combined with my studies means I wont have much time to go out either.

I just have this fear that Im going to end up alone, and the thought of never having children kills me. Even if I do somehow meet someone else how do I know he wont do this to me, I mean 4 years with someone, plans for the future and now Im left with nothing? I know I can manage on my own because I have always been independant and Im looking forward to not have anyone else to clean up after and having a house that I can completely decorate myself but I dont want to be on my own forever. I was not really in a serious relationship before him and now I miss it, I never thought this would hurt this much, I almost feel silly to be feeling like this.

Thanks for letting vent, if anyone has any advice or if you know the winning numbers to the lottery that would be great! Thank you

Know exactly how you feel! I am recently single and approaching 39. On my own, no kids. Depressing.

I really hate seeing all the family photos of my friends on facebook!

alternativeid

Newname wrote: »

I was never worried about being single before, until I looked around and realised I was the last one.

I feel really silly feeling like this, honestly I used to be the type of woman that would find it strange when people talked about broken hearts, thought it was a teenage thing. I'm looking forward to living on my own for a bit, but also worried that I'll start to feel isolated.


When I say about going out its not really to meet new people, I know its difficult to meet people on nights out because usually people are drunk and sometimes only out for one thing. I just mean to go out and have a good dance, a few drinks, enjoy myself.

Do you know I used to love my life, always going new places, on nights out all the time and I never thought I'd be the one stuck in my thirties with nobody.

These points are exactly how I feel. Exactly! I was perfectly happy for years until he suddenly decided he didn't love me anymore and now I'm the last single one. I try to ignore it and pretend to be happy and hope that one day it won't be pretense anymore.

I don't think I have any advice for you as I'm also in a lot of pain but you are not alone in heartache. I want to believe that I will find someone to love again, even if it's not quite the same.

I think the first thing I am going to do is learn to make new friends first, which is a lot harder than people think. I did recently make one on a course I did and have met up with her a few times. She's not exactly the going out and drinking kind but having a new friend is a start.

meritaten

Newname wrote: »

Not at the moment, I haven't worked there long, Im still in my probation period, but I'm showing that I'm eager and I'm grabbing all the overtime available. I am looking for a second job because I know I'm going need the money so I'm hoping that I will find one that will increase my social circle.

if you want a part time evening job which could make you new friends then try bar work. not the night club scene (its too busy - you don't get to know the customers), but the sort of pub which has a regular crowd about your age. most pubs are on the lookout for honest reliable bar staff.