Never realised how much this would hurt

jess1974

I am almost 41 single with 3 kids and to top it off my parents are both dead....sometimes i feel so alone its scary x

VestanPance

OP your story isn't entirely dissimilar to what I encountered a few years ago.

My ex-wife pulled the break up out the blue after 18 years together (10 married) and it turned out she'd been having an affair with someone from her work. She tried to come crawling back a couple of months later saying shed made the biggest mistake of her life, but I told her where to go.

I decided to go it alone from there on in. I don't do dating, or casual relationships or anything like that. With that I also accepted that I was never going to have children. I found the loss of the extended family tough to deal with at first, as I got on very well with her family. In particular no longer seeing my two young nephews. Like one of the other posters both my parents are no longer with us, so you do get a sense of having nothing and nobody to rely on.

Personally I adapted to that and now accept everything is on me, and I need no help or assistance from anyone.

PoorPonyMom

Hugs to you.

Not really any advice to offer except to second the bar work suggestion.

When I was single I took a job in the local british legion. I was a member anyway and knew a few people there. I used to work the function room which was great lots of parties and if it was fancy dress sometimes we got to dress up too! Met lots of great people and cheap drinks when not working. Also got paid to do it! Very fun period of my life (I was in my late 20s, was only about 4 years ago)

WIN79

Hello OP, not much else to say that the others haven't wonderfully advised, but i was in a similar position to you almost 18 months ago now. 34, married for 3 years and the relationship ended, just like that. I couldn't see the woods for the trees for a while but picked myself back up and am now seeing a wonderful man and im quickly approaching 36 :eek: but i still hope for children and have certainly not thrown myself on the scrap heap yet. I know its hard at the moment and you will feel down but try not to panic as things will work out for you. I wish you every happiness for the future.

neatheyc

VestanPance wrote: »

OP your story isn't entirely dissimilar to what I encountered a few years ago.

My ex-wife pulled the break up out the blue after 18 years together (10 married) and it turned out she'd been having an affair with someone from her work. She tried to come crawling back a couple of months later saying shed made the biggest mistake of her life, but I told her where to go.

I decided to go it alone from there on in. I don't do dating, or casual relationships or anything like that. With that I also accepted that I was never going to have children. I found the loss of the extended family tough to deal with at first, as I got on very well with her family. In particular no longer seeing my two young nephews. Like one of the other posters both my parents are no longer with us, so you do get a sense of having nothing and nobody to rely on.

Personally I adapted to that and now accept everything is on me, and I need no help or assistance from anyone.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Was just wondering how you feel your spare time and what do you do to prevent any loneliness?

purpleshoes_2

Meet up has a lot of social groups, Im in a few and I run one and there are lots of people in their 30s and 40s who are members, all age groups in fact.

VestanPance

neatheyc wrote: »

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? Was just wondering how you feel your spare time and what do you do to prevent any loneliness?

I've just turned 43. My spare time is spent training (running, swimming, cycling). I take part in endurance events and during peak season can spend most of my spare time training. I do the vast majority of those sessions by myself.

Other than that I tend to play my guitar quite a bit. I read a lot. Watch the odd show on TV, but more of a boxset binge than a channel flicker. Travel when I have the time off.

Outside of work I'm by myself 99% of the time. I guess I'm used to it now. I don't really give much thought to it.

neatheyc

purpleshoes wrote: »

Meet up has a lot of social groups, Im in a few and I run one and there are lots of people in their 30s and 40s who are members, all age groups in fact.

Cheers. I have joined a few of the options on meetups, but so far, to be honest, not much has interested me.

I will still keep an eye out and take the plunge. Doesn't help that where I live, the nearest ones can be a distance away.

purpleshoes_2

neatheyc wrote: »

Cheers. I have joined a few of the options on meetups, but so far, to be honest, not much has interested me.

I will still keep an eye out and take the plunge. Doesn't help that where I live, the nearest ones can be a distance away.

You could always start a local group yourself.

Newname_2

Hiya everyone, thank you for all your replies, I've been pretty much working non-stop so haven't had chance to reply. I have been feeling a bit more positive the last few days, mainly because my house is actually to start looking like a home.

Thank you for your suggestions about bar work. Im going to ask locally to see if there's anything around, would be ideal for me as I don't mind working weekends and don't have any holidays planned this year so thank you for suggesting that.

This is going to sound a bit silly but what is meet ups? Is it a website? I've never heard of it before?

I am feeling a bit better now, As soon as I'm settled in my home I'm going to start back at the gym, those endurance challenges have always interested me strangely enough but right now I wouldn't have the fitness for it so I think I'm going to look into doing one next year so it would give me something to work on and concentrate on. I think I need to do what your all pretty much advising and find something to fill in my spare time.

Thank you all for your comments and suggestions, I do really appreciate it, it's nice to hear from others who have been in my situation and you have all helped me feel better, thank you.