Never realised how much this would hurt

Newname_2

Thank you all, no his name isn't Kevin, would be freaky if it was though!

Marleyboy you've given me hope for the future, its almost strange to be childless in your thirties where I live so its nice to hear of someone who did it all later!

Gavin83

Did your partner actually want children?

Newname_2

Yeah, he wanted two boys apparently, maybe he was put off because I joked that there were more girls in my family so I'd probably have girls. We discussed all this after he proposed last year, we decided to wait until my studies were over because we thought it would be easier. Although now I wonder if he really did want children, he's always known since we got together that I wanted them, although obviously as much as I want children I wanted to be in a settled relationship first so its not something I threw at him on the first date. I thought we were doing the mature thing and actually planning for children but it seems a bit coincidental that this has happened the same year we planned to start trying, maybe he never wanted them and hoped I'd forget?

VfM4meplse

OP, I really feel for you.

It's about the lowest time for you atm, your dreams for the future have been wrecked. Unfortunately you have to go through this trauma and doubt, it's horrible I know

Tempting as it is to lock the world out, you need to make positive choices from here on in. Concentrate on getting yourself to a better financial footing - this will at least keep you busy - and for heavens sake stop torturing yourself with thoughts of what could have been. This is not your fault, try and accept that fate has a better plan for you!

FBaby

I really feel for you. You did all the right thing to have what you ultimately wanted. It is so tough to have to face seeing all your dreams collapse in one go.

What you need to hang on though is the fact that good fortune can also happen extremely quickly. I experienced it, when indeed I really didn't expect it any longer, and the same happened for some of my single friends. Unfortunately, you can't control it so you have to focus on what you can control to make your life as happy as can be. Do try to plan ahead, but not what you can't change yourself. Don't put your life on hold, don't live just to wait for your perfect man to come. At the same time, don't let the years go by without giving yourself the chance to meet new men.

Most likely, you will one day come back to post here, saying that you've married and are now pregnant and that reading back your OP, you are so so grateful that your fiance dumped you because otherwise, you wouldn't be happy as you are now.

chiefie

Try and take solace that you are not alone and you will get through it in time. I spent a very dark 12 months thinking I was left on the shelf, all my mates were in couples in fact the whole world seemed to be. When I stopped looking so hard for someone that's when it happened. Had my two lovely kids and recovered. Life is strange and unpredictable good luck

Newname_2

Thanks all, the thing I'm worried about is that im going to get very lonely, I've worked it out and after paying bills and putting petrol in my car and feeding myself I'm actually not going to have hardly any money left. So while I would like to get out there and enjoy my life, I won't be able to afford to, also Im not really the type to go out on my own and as my friends are all settled down this is leaving limited chances. I've done everything I can think off, selling stuff, checking what extra help I can get, I always shop in the cheapest places anyway but it looks like I'm going to be skint, apart from trying to take a second job I don't know what else to do. My friend (who's married) said that she used to enjoy the single life, but I think single life is just fun if there are other single people around you and if you can afford to go out.

Sorry I'm just really down right now and I can't see how this is going to get better.

zarf2007

Newname wrote: »

Thanks all, the thing I'm worried about is that im going to get very lonely, I've worked it out and after paying bills and putting petrol in my car and feeding myself I'm actually not going to have hardly any money left. So while I would like to get out there and enjoy my life, I won't be able to afford to, also Im not really the type to go out on my own and as my friends are all settled down this is leaving limited chances. I've done everything I can think off, selling stuff, checking what extra help I can get, I always shop in the cheapest places anyway but it looks like I'm going to be skint, apart from trying to take a second job I don't know what else to do. My friend (who's married) said that she used to enjoy the single life, but I think single life is just fun if there are other single people around you and if you can afford to go out.

Sorry I'm just really down right now and I can't see how this is going to get better.

Are there any opportunities in your line of work to maybe move to another company & increase your salary? Or perhaps take a 2nd job which involves meeting people which would increase your circle of friends and acquaintances?

Tbh it will hurt for a while, and although people will be sympathetic it doesn't take away that feeling. In time this will fade and you will start thinking of the future rather than mourning the past. Do you have family nearby that can offer support?

Rowan_moon

It seems like you were really focused on your goals before this took you off course. You are studying to be able to have the career you want, you have found somewhere to live, you are working and paying your way - do not underestimate those achievements and give yourself a big pat on the back. It takes time to get over the end of a relationship and can feel like a bereavement so let yourself cry, ask for support from friends, be gentle with yourself.

You can have the great career, meet someone new, create the life you want but it just takes time.

Ive worked as a Hypnobirthing practitioner for 10 years with people preparing for birth and can say most of my clients have been late thirties to mid forties so you have plenty of time for babies if that is what you choose.
Things will get better for you.

Gaia2014

Hi Newname

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure there is anything I can add that hasn't been said already - all very good advice. All I can say is, I can totally empathise with your situation because I went through something similar not so long ago.

Time is a great healer. I also get the bit about wanting children and feeling lonely but having limited funds with which to socialise - I started a thread on this particular subject actually (maintaining friendships... on the DFW board).

Just wanted to say you're not alone and hope things start to get better for you. Although I still identify with feelings of loneliness. I'm beginning to get to the point now where something needs to change.

In my particular circumstances, I have learned is that it is important to have some interests, hobbies, goals outside of a relationship. So that when you meet that special person your happiness isn't dependent on that person being around all of the time. I did a lot of things with my OH so that when we separated I lost my social life too.

You sound like a really strong person. You will get there.