Nice People Thread No. 14, all Nice and Proper

michaels

PasturesNew wrote: »

Re people's building woes.... I think I've decided what I want .... I now need to get an architecty type to stand in the space and nod appropriately and make suggestions.

I can't do nothing; I don't like what I've got; I don't want the hassle of moving. So it's architecty bloke time.

On the other hand, I don't want/need any building woes.... although it's quite simple/ordinary, so shouldn't (theoretically) present many issues. Certainly nothing extraordinary or unusual.

I don't intend to take the end/structural/exterior wall out and replace it with a steel ..... but you never know once an architecty type bloke starts chomping at the job.

There'll be no bifold doors or that bizarre idea of "bringing the outside in" (what nonsense.... it just brings in draughts, wind and security risks

Be very careful with architecty types, my boss had some real architecty types who kept coming up with grand schemes when told they wanted an extra upstairs bedroom on the front and a bigger kitchen and charging large fees for these flights of fancy. They then tried my architect who just does extensions and he came up with sometime sensible sticking to the brief for quarter the cost.

kabayiri

PasturesNew wrote: »

I should be able to spot those people who want to build their own dreams with other people's money ..... some people get carried away. They just want to add to their 'portfolio' of posh-stuff, so they can up their fees by 20% on each subsequent job by having something that looks expensive, using cutting edge technology and all the latest boy toys included.
...

"Boy toys" are one of the really good reasons why I shouldn't be let anywhere near buying an additional house for letting.

I get too carried away. There, that's my confession.

I love roof windows like Velux, but you can't just buy a bog standard window...oh no, nowadays there is electrically operated; rain sensitive; remote controllable; triple glazed; solar powered electrical blinds. The cost can spiral.

How do I explain to DW that I've spent 90% of the room budget on a couple of roof windows?!!

Loanranger

PN, those architecty type blokes you need used to be known as architectural technicians, I googled and came up with these:
https://www.yell.com/s/architectural+technologists-dorset.html
Any use?

kabayiri

I used a technician. It's a perfectly reasonable option if you know pretty much what you want PN.

kabayiri

PasturesNew wrote: »

I'll look at roof window options .... but if none of them open then it's not the end of the world as opening windows can occur at both ends, creating a handy through draught.
...

Modern extensions and things like pitched roofs are well insulated. Stuff like 100mm KingSpan in the void space.

We have never got a draught through any of the windows. If you did, it would be a sign of bad product or installation.

Loanranger

PN, go for a small one man band type of set up. The big architect RIBA practices will fleece you for their fancy offices and rents etc while the little man type probably works from home and needs the work so will go the extra mile for you.

LydiaJ

Doozergirl wrote: »

Yes, I would.

Edit: Aren't we all 'trainable' quite directly into New Street?

I think so - not that I've been anywhere on a train recently. I'll look into it.

SingleSue wrote: »

Lydia - when there is so much on someone's plate, it is quite difficult to keep on coping, it is not a character flaw, we are only designed to take so much before that ability starts to fail.

As regards to perpetual failing to cope, it does get easier (not saying it is ever easy but you do adjust a little) although that feeling on being on a merry go round and not being able to get off is awful. I've been on it many years and at times I thought there was no way I could carry on, that the boys would be better off with someone else much better able to cope.

What helped for me was to break things down into tiny little segments, I didn't look forward to tomorrow or next week or next month, I looked to get through the next hour and if we managed that without a breakdown, then I internally congratulated myself...there were times we were down to the next 15 minutes chunks when things were particularly stressful. There was a lot of going through the motions, of a putting on of a 'happy' face but privately, there was also lots of tears and doubts.

I'm coming out of the other side now, yes there are still eek moments but they are now reducing compared to what it had been. When I look back to 10 years ago, I am absolutely amazed what we managed to cope with, even 2 years ago even when youngest was at breakdown and harming himself.

So don't be too hard on yourself, you are doing an amazing job and once you find the things that work for your children and for you, things will start to improve and hopefully, like me, you will be able to look back in the future and see how far you have all come as a family.

Sue, thank you. I have been pondering that (to borrow DG's word) since I read it. It means a lot, especially from you. You are an inspiration to me when I am finding it tough going.

SingleSue wrote: »

I had a very nice day...until ex husband brought me (and Josh) down with a bump.

He has now decided to give Josh the book I said about last week as a birthday present (yep, he still hasn't purchased it yet), now I am not sure how others view it but in my world, an essential study book doesn't really meet the criteria of a birthday present unless the recipient has specifically requested it to be.

He was asked for one thing towards his going to uni, one blooming thing! I told Josh to send a message back to say I will get the bloody thing just so Josh could get the much needed money he was going to ask for for his birthday but he declined saying let him get the book, he was done with him (along with a few choice words about his character).

Now ex hubby has most def lost his middle son now...why did I ever marry that man?

Sue, I'm sure you married him because he seemed to be a much better person than in fact he turned out to be. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I think Josh's attitude is very healthy, actually. He is clear sighted about what his father is actually like - unreliable, distant and stingy. There seems, from what you've posted, to be overwhelmingly consistent evidence of that. Josh would rather not set himself up for inevitable disappointment, so he chooses to have realistic expectations. So does James, from what you've posted before. The question is not why ex has now lost his middle son. The question is why does his heartless behaviour surprise you?

You are the one who keeps hoping your ex will suddenly start behaving differently. Of course he ought to, but ... given the weight of evidence of a settled pattern of behaviour, it seems monumentally unlikely that he ever will. Please try to stop hoping for it. I know it's hard - I imagine you remember how much you loved him once, and what a great person he seemed to be (and maybe really was at the time but has changed since), and you have an image in your head of what a good thing it would be for your boys, and him, and you, if he got his parental act in gear. And of course you're right - if he did that, it would be good for the boys, and for him, and for you. But there really don't seem to be any grounds for supposing that it could actually happen, and lots of evidence that it won't.

You have done so well in so many ways despite his appalling lack of involvement, provision, empathy or even human decency. Don't let him spoil your nice day.

Hugs

CKhalvashi

silvercar wrote: »

You lot must have some peculiar settings on your PCs. I google pancake maker and get a crepe machine from Argos.

michaels

Aren't 16 year olds allowed to smoke. Thus the 16 year old could be smoking in the car and their 18 year old .mate not allowed to?

lostinrates

michaels wrote: »

I have thought about you in the last few months much more often than someone who is happily married should

Lucky you are back as otherwise you would probably have had an email checking you are ok.

I was just commenting the other day how much less smutty the thread was without you but given we are still on the same page as Pancake Makers perhaps that is not strictly true

Smut? Pfft. And I keep so well behaved here.

I'm not sure my post man would agree. I had some really oddly labelled deliveries recently. 'For ladies pleasure'. Its hosiery; not a husband's credit card. If it had been something x rAted I might have been mildly embarrassed, instead I could show the people here when the postman delivered the packaging and contents and we all sniggered delightedly.