Engagement Ring...

spookalili

My partner and I have been together for several years and have discussed the idea of marriage. I have always wanted my partner to choose a ring and propose only when ready but we have recently been shopping for engagement rings together.

Last week I was looking online and I saw a fantastic deal. The reduction was around 75% and the ring was very pretty, although a five stone ring as opposed to the popular one stone diamond ring.

We went into a local store and tried a similar ring on, as they didn't have the one I saw in stock. It was nice, I got a bit overly excited because it was such a good deal and said I really liked it. My partner ordered the ring that evening (which I didn't know about)

A few days later, we happened to be in another ring store and I tried on a classic diamond engagement ring. The lady there told me how other rings which are store branded tend not to come with a certificate which means they are generally not as well cut.

It was beautiful, I fell in love with it instantly but tried to play it down. I explained to my partner that although I thought the other ring was lovely, this ring felt "right". This upset him, as he thought he was doing well ordering the original ring.

He said we can return the original ring, but now I feel the entire experience has been ruined by me. I hurt his feelings by putting him in a position where he felt he had to buy a ring, one he thought I wanted, only to change my mind. I wanted the experience to be absolutely perfect and completely controlled by him, but now this has happened it seems as though it's destined to have negative connotations.

Before this happened, I was the person who said I didn't care what ring my partner gave me, as the most important thing to me is that he wants to marry me (and I, him). I don't even wear jewellery!

Do I try the original ring on? Do I tell him to cancel the ring as I don't deserve it for being so foolish? Do I go with my gut instinct that the second ring is really what I want? Do I allow my partner to make the decision once he has seen the ring on? Is a ring really that important in the grand scheme of things? Why have I spent the last half an hour writing such rubbish?!:rotfl:

Thank you if you're still with me...

j.e.j.

ha ha well look at it this way, if you're going to wear it for the rest of your life, you'd better get one that you like

spookalili

j.e.j. wrote: »

ha ha well look at it this way, if you're going to wear it for the rest of your life, you'd better get one that you like

Very good point...I like both of them though! I just adored the second one the moment I saw it, probably because I'm stupid and attracted to shiny things! :rotfl:

I feel like a massive idiot. I have never cared about jewellery, never bought into the whole "massive diamond" thing...but look at me now!

I don't feel like I deserve anything anymore. My partner made a lovely gesture of ordering a ring I said I liked and then I unwittingly through it back in his face. He must feel dreadful too. I could punch myself for being so stupid!

SavingPennies_2

Don't dwell on it, it's no big deal even though it might feel like it, just get him to cancel the other one, or try it and take it back (assuming you still prefer the other one). Get him to arrange a special moment to give it to you and enjoy it!

spookalili

SavingPennies wrote: »

Don't dwell on it, it's no big deal even though it might feel like it, just get him to cancel the other one, or try it and take it back (assuming you still prefer the other one). Get him to arrange a special moment to give it to you and enjoy it!

Thank you. We could go and try the ring on together and return it then and there if it isn't suitable. I'm just concerned that if I do fall in love with it and forget the second ring, I might feel bad about all the issues we've had beforehand and it will still be tainted.

fizz

spookalili wrote: »

Very good point...I like both of them though! I just adored the second one the moment I saw it, probably because I'm stupid and attracted to shiny things! :rotfl:

I feel like a massive idiot. I have never cared about jewellery, never bought into the whole "massive diamond" thing...but look at me now!

I don't feel like I deserve anything anymore. My partner made a lovely gesture of ordering a ring I said I liked and then I unwittingly through it back in his face. He must feel dreadful too. I could punch myself for being so stupid!

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what is on your finger, it's about how you feel and (hopefully) in 40 years time, if your finger hasn't turned green and dropped off, what is the problem...apart from your 'Fairytale' issue:rotfl::rotfl: Get over yourself!:)

theoretica

Tell him you are clearly dreadfully fickle when it comes to rings, and much better at choosing a partner. It reads to me like there are two perfectly nice rings - and there will always be something prettier, shinier and probably more expensive!

spookalili

fizz wrote: »

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what is on your finger, it's about how you feel and (hopefully) in 40 years time, if your finger hasn't turned green and dropped off, what is the problem...apart from your 'Fairytale' issue:rotfl::rotfl: Get over yourself!:)

Thanks for this...I think that last bit is what I really need to do! :rotfl:

theoretica wrote: »

Tell him you are clearly dreadfully fickle when it comes to rings, and much better at choosing a partner. It reads to me like there are two perfectly nice rings - and there will always be something prettier, shinier and probably more expensive!

What a sweet thing to say...I might have to use that line! The second part is true too...I could keep searching forever and ever. As I said, it's frustrating because before we started looking, I genuinely couldn't have cared less about what ring I got!

fizz

Sent you a pm.

fizz.x

barbiedoll

It's not a "tainted" experience, it's one of those stories that you'll be telling friends in ten years time when you're married, settled and attending terribly grown-up dinner parties! He'll be rolling his eyes and saying about how you wanted this ring and then you wanted that ring and then you changed your mind again. You'll be saying exactly what you've told us, about not caring about jewellery until you saw THAT ring.

Honestly, it's not a big deal, you will (both) look back and laugh one day, I promise!

And no, you're not the only one who makes a big fuss about a ring. I thought that I wasn't that bothered about my ring, until the jeweller, who had promised to get it back to us after resizing it, told us that it would be delayed by a few days. I had a huge tantrum in the shop and told an elaborate lie about how my (completely made-up) engagement party would be ruined. My husband still tells that story, 17 years later ! :rotfl:

meritaten

tbh - until the ring arrives and you can see it on your finger - you wont know.
five stone rings are lovely - more practical than the solitaire. and some hands suit one design more than the other. I have a sapphire and diamond engagement ring which I rarely wear - it sticks out too much.and tbh with my wedding ring it doesn't really fit nicely. They don't 'butt up' against each other - but my five stone eternity ring looks lovely with my wedding ring and it doesn't stick up and get caught on things. I wear it constantly. I wish it had been my engagement ring - but that is consigned to its box usually.
give the other ring a chance - when its on your finger try to imagine it with a wedding ring.