Telling my daughters BF to leave the home

purpleshoes_2

I'm not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with someone so grotty and disrespectful. Tbh, I'm not sure if at that age, a partner moving in is a good idea. I'm aware some folks will be mature and respectful of other people's space at that age, but others wont.

I remember being in a relationship with someone who was 19 and when his dad asked him to leave my mum offered him a place to stay, he lasted 6 weeks and I couldn't wait to be away from him, ended things soon after.

Some folks are just selfish no matter their age and I think your daughter may need to evaluate whether she wants to carry on seeing him.

Big changes needed in his life clearly.

theoretica

Not a nice thing to contemplate, but have you considered changing the lock barrels?

sussexchick

DUTR wrote: »

Back in the day, 5% deposit was required to apply for a mortgage , house prices have increased since then and so has the deposit contribution, recent articles suggest people are nearer 30 now before they can afford to leave the nest.

It sounds like the OP has semi adopted and 'spoiled 'the DD's BF, if I had come home and messed in the bath, guess who would be cleaning it up?

Yes I have spoilt him - I treated him like one of my own. He's adamant that he's not responsible for the mess, I know for a fact its no one else!, no one has even visited for the past 2 weeks! So now he's gone! yes!, already!, packed his bat & ball and left me and DD in an emotional mess.

leather5

Good Lord! what an absolutely disgusting individual and well done you for putting up with him for so long for your DD. In your position I think I would deliver him back to his mother - did she allow this type of behaviour in her house? I would be absolutely mortified if any of my children behaved so dispicably in my or anyone elses home.

Hopefully your daughter, now he's out of the house, will be able to take an objective view and see him for what he is, an immature, disgusting oaf.

sussexchick

theoretica wrote: »

Not a nice thing to contemplate, but have you considered changing the lock barrels?

Fortunately I had the good sense to ask him to leave the keys! House alarm number will be changed shortly.

Gavin83

DUTR wrote: »

Back in the day, 5% deposit was required to apply for a mortgage , house prices have increased since then and so has the deposit contribution, recent articles suggest people are nearer 30 now before they can afford to leave the nest.

It sounds like the OP has semi adopted and 'spoiled 'the DD's BF, if I had come home and messed in the bath, guess who would be cleaning it up?

What about renting?

Saying that I'm not of the mindset you should be booting your kids out at the first opportunity either.

sussexchick

jayII wrote: »

You've made the right decision. We made a similar decision about an adult child's partner moving in, as you have. However, ours is polite, helpful (does housework without being asked, for example) and very pleasant and respectful.

If he wasn't we'd have sent him packing long ago, regardless of his situation. Your home should be a safe, comfortable haven, not a place of stress, being disrespected and being taken for granted!

You're also giving your daughter a clear message about her worth, by saying clearly that his behaviour isn't good enough for you or for her!

Hit the nail on the head. Never done any housework (unless told to do so), I cook each night so DD and BF clear away and wash the dishes, although most nights, DD does it all on her own, whilst he goes for a rest after a long day at work. And yes DD works full time too!. Its not my place to tell her that she's being taken for a mug, she has to find that out for herself, she won't thank me for interfering in her relationship. I'd like to think that DD will remain with me, poor thing is just caught slap bang in the middle of it all.

j.e.j.

Living with parents/parent-in-laws never works out. I'm amazed you've put up with it for more than a year, tbh if he's that bad.

Primrose

I think you are to be congratulated on finally telling him to leave, and allowing your daughter to see what a rude ill mannered !!!!!! she had unadvisedly picked as a boyfriend.
Yes she may be temporarily devastated but she will soon look back and thank you for opening her eyes to such a lowlife choice. You can be sure her next boyfriend will probably be selected with a lot more scrutiny, even if she doesn't admit that to you. You have done her a favour. Just don't get caught out by your kind heartedness again!

barbiedoll

sussexchick wrote: »

My daughter was forever having to pick him up, drop him back home

Seems like the writing was on the wall even back then. Why does he not drive?

He sounds like a selfish, lazy git who may well have a full-time job but he clearly has no manners. You (and hopefully your DD) are well rid!