Telling my daughters BF to leave the home

sussexchick

After 13 months of having to put up with his childish behaviour, I've just told my DD that her boyfriend has to leave our home. And I feel wretched for having to do it!

He moved out of his parents home as they lived in a very rural location, spent most of his time with us and it seemed from a practical point of view, that he moved in with us. My daughter was forever having to pick him up, drop him back home and I felt at the time, it would also give them a chance to save their money so they could eventually find a place of their own. In hindsight, this was probably a very stupid thing to do?! .. but there we go, its done.

For a 20 yr old, he is extremely untidy, dumps his clothes all over the floor, which are mostly covered in oil and grease due to his job, (i've even provided a basket for these so that oil does not go into the new carpet), he wipes 'nasal fluid' over the bathroom walls, uses the bath as a 'vomit bucket' and doesn't clean it up afterwards, doesn't care about the security of our home etc ... and I'm now at the end of my tether. I'm not even angry, I'm just so sad, my DD is heartbroken, even though she understands why I've had the make the decision, its not fair on me and its certainly not the first time I've had to speak to him about it.

Please tell me that I've made the right decision, even though my DD is hurting, DD has spoken to BF who has naturally denied all knowledge!! , which I knew he would do anyway.

Thank you for reading my post, I just needed to get it off my chest, I don't have any great support network and feeling quite lonely and guilty! (why I don't know?)

duchy

Your house- your rules.

Is your DD moving out with him or staying put ?

Basically he went from one parental home to another - except the new one had a honeymoon period and with hindsight you'd probably have told him from day one "My way or the highway".

What is done is done but ultimately it's your home and if he can't respect that-tough.

He's a grown man of twenty and if he can't show respect for your home -and his lady's family then he needs to go.

The only thing you should feel guilty about is not been firmer sooner.

Transformers

It's your home - so your choice of guests.

You gave him warnings and he ignored them - he had to go.

How on earth does your daughter find the behaviour acceptable? How will she deal with it if she moves in with him?

jayII

You've made the right decision. We made a similar decision about an adult child's partner moving in, as you have. However, ours is polite, helpful (does housework without being asked, for example) and very pleasant and respectful.

If he wasn't we'd have sent him packing long ago, regardless of his situation. Your home should be a safe, comfortable haven, not a place of stress, being disrespected and being taken for granted!

You're also giving your daughter a clear message about her worth, by saying clearly that his behaviour isn't good enough for you or for her!

Gigglepig

Sounds like the mistake was to let him move in, not to boot him out. And your daughter should be old enough to fly the nest as well.

Brighton_belle

sussexchick wrote: »

Please tell me that I've made the right decision

I find it unfathomable and completely bizarre that you put up with this for longer than a week.
Wiping his snot on bathroom walls and dropping oily clothes on carpets...??? I'm embarrassed for you at feeling so weak an helpless in your own home.

Gloomendoom

Wipes snot over the bathroom walls and vomits in the bath?

Sounds like he belongs in a very rural location. A field.





You have made the correct decision.

KatieDee

Well I think you're wonderful for giving him a chance in the first place...how very kind of you!

It does seem like you've been more than patient with the boy and you were doing him an enormous favour by letting him live in your home. He obviously doesn't understand the sacrifice you're making and either doesn't respect you enough to follow the rules and keep the house tidy, or genuinely doesn't know how to behave in somebody else's household!

If you've spoken to him about this issues before and it has fallen on deaf ears, I think you've done more than enough and have every right to ask him to leave. You shouldn't feel sad or guilty that things have come to this...if anything, you should feel disappointed that your daughters partner is so unaware that his behaviour is not acceptable.

*max*

He wipes snot on the walls and vomits in the bath??? _pale_

You definitely have nothing to feel guilty about here! What a disgusting person! Ewwww....:eek:

sussexchick

Thank you all so much for all your comments, as I said before, he's denied all knowledge, saying its not acceptable that he's being blamed for it, has made a phone call to someone, and now he's moving out! in less than 30 mins! .... I even said to my DD, that I had no intention of just 'throwing him out onto the streets'!, I gave him time to find somewhere else to live, but no, he's thrown all toys out of his pram and he's off! .. my DD is just devastated, she's now gone out! but she does know that his behaviour is totally unacceptable. She even agreed with me! .......

DUTR

Gigglepig wrote: »

Sounds like the mistake was to let him move in, not to boot him out. And your daughter should be old enough to fly the nest as well.

Back in the day, 5% deposit was required to apply for a mortgage , house prices have increased since then and so has the deposit contribution, recent articles suggest people are nearer 30 now before they can afford to leave the nest.

It sounds like the OP has semi adopted and 'spoiled 'the DD's BF, if I had come home and messed in the bath, guess who would be cleaning it up?