Asking a guy out?

gwen80

Judi wrote: »

He seems like a bit of a second choice to me. If you had liked him enough before you wouldnt have been distracted by the first guy.

I agree that it could seem like that. I've thought this through a lot. I don't want to mess him around or hurt him. Recently the first guy has behaved in a way that I've seen a different side to him, not that I ever really knew him. I liked the 'package', the looks etc, but that's about it. However, he seems slightly immature in a lot of ways and talks of eyeing up women at the gym, for example.

The second guy - the one in question - I do like and did from the start, but I was distracted by the other guy. The guy in question adores kids and I can imagine he would want his own. I'm not sure I do, so I didn't want to go there and not be able to give him what he wants. However, I've thought about things and I don't know for sure that he wants kids...who knows? Maybe we could work that out somehow, I don't know, but I'm making assumptions on his behalf and putting barriers in the way.

A few things have happened recently that have made me question what I want. For example, a good friend lost her mother earlier in the year and it made me think. Who do I want in my life? At some point, life will get difficult, who do I want with me when that happens?? The guy who eyes up women at the gym, or the guy who always tries to make me smile. Talking to a friend about her husband earlier in the year, she said something along the lines of 'he always looks out for my best interests' and I thought 'everyone needs a someone like that'. Who do I think would look out for my best interests?

Also, earlier in the year I spoke to him about something and thought 'wow, he has the kindest eyes I've ever seen'. He has gorgeous eyes, he makes me laugh, I feel comfortable around him, we have things in common and I couldn't find a more kind or decent man. I think I could have found an absolute gem, but I've done my usual trick of looking at the superficial. The first guy was a guy I could fancy, the second guy is a guy I think I could love.

gwen80

Dr._Shoe wrote: »

...and he's not married of course?

No, definitely not.

Andypandyboy

gwen80 wrote: »

I agree that it could seem like that. I've thought this through a lot. I don't want to mess him around or hurt him. Recently the first guy has behaved in a way that I've seen a different side to him, not that I ever really knew him. I liked the 'package', the looks etc, but that's about it. However, he seems slightly immature in a lot of ways and talks of eyeing up women at the gym, for example.

The second guy - the one in question - I do like and did from the start, but I was distracted by the other guy. The guy in question adores kids and I can imagine he would want his own. I'm not sure I do, so I didn't want to go there and not be able to give him what he wants. However, I've thought about things and I don't know for sure that he wants kids...who knows? Maybe we could work that out somehow, I don't know, but I'm making assumptions on his behalf and putting barriers in the way.

A few things have happened recently that have made me question what I want. For example, a good friend lost her mother earlier in the year and it made me think. Who do I want in my life? At some point, life will get difficult, who do I want with me when that happens?? The guy who eyes up women at the gym, or the guy who always tries to make me smile. Talking to a friend about her husband earlier in the year, she said something along the lines of 'he always looks out for my best interests' and I thought 'everyone needs a someone like that'. Who do I think would look out for my best interests?

Also, earlier in the year I spoke to him about something and thought 'wow, he has the kindest eyes I've ever seen'. He has gorgeous eyes, he makes me laugh, I feel comfortable around him, we have things in common and I couldn't find a more kind or decent man. I think I could have found an absolute gem, but I've done my usual trick of looking at the superficial. The first guy was a guy I could fancy, the second guy is a guy I think I could love.

Then you really must test the waters or you will always wonder.:D

purpleshoes_2

I think you need to find out if hes single, before you start wondering whether you are on the same page about kids or not.

gwen80

purpleshoes wrote: »

I think you need to find out if hes single, before you start wondering whether you are on the same page about kids or not.

I'm 99.9% sure he's single.

*max*

You are massively overthinking this! You haven't even gone for a coffee with the guy and you're already thinking about potential children...

Just send him a message on Facebook, you really have nothing to lose. Seriously, worst case scenario, he says no thanks. Best...who knows?
Stop building it up in your head or you'll never do it.

fivesquare

gwen80 wrote: »

Also, earlier in the year I spoke to him about something and thought 'wow, he has the kindest eyes I've ever seen'. He has gorgeous eyes, he makes me laugh, I feel comfortable around him, we have things in common and I couldn't find a more kind or decent man. I think I could have found an absolute gem, but I've done my usual trick of looking at the superficial. The first guy was a guy I could fancy, the second guy is a guy I think I could love.

So have you added him? It only takes one second

I wish I felt like this about someone.

One thing is not clear to me though, you said the first guy was someone you fancied, how about the 2nd guy? He's nice and decent, has kind eyes, and you like the idea of starting a family with him, but does he actually attract you? Do you fancy him sexually?

gwen80

fivesquare wrote: »

So have you added him? It only takes one second

I wish I felt like this about someone.

One thing is not clear to me though, you said the first guy was someone you fancied, how about the 2nd guy? He's nice and decent, has kind eyes, and you like the idea of starting a family with him, but does he actually attract you? Do you fancy him sexually?

Yeah I do fancy him. I want to do stuff with him so yes, lol I just fancied the other guy more, however he's become less attractive and this guy has become more attractive as I've seen aspects of their personalities.

Dr._Shoe

gwen80 wrote: »

No, definitely not.

Well, go for it then.

Can you not think of a pretext for swinging by and saying hi?

gwen80

Dr._Shoe wrote: »

Well, go for it then.

Can you not think of a pretext for swinging by and saying hi?

He doesn't live that near me. I do sometimes go to a shopping centre not too far from where he lives, so I could suggest meeting up there, but I don't think he's really into shopping - which bloke is - and I wouldn't want him to think I was going to drag him round the shops.