Am I the biggest fool for being frugal?

SavingPennies_2

As someone who is fairly frugal and wont buy on credit I have often asked myself the same thing. I see people who buy cars/ holidays etc on credit but somehow they do manage and often they come into money or they earn more than me so I don't think they are in dire straights even though they have debts, they manage fine.

I wonder if I missed out, especially in my 20s when all I did was save for a house deposit by making myself "get by" on cheap food, wearing old clothes and travelling on smelly public transport over the years, when other people were driving their own car from the age of 17. So I don't know the answer but you are not alone in wondering if you've done the right thing.

However I do wonder how if you have been so frugal you don't have any money saved? e.g for the 18th birthday or a holiday abroad? The thing that "consoles" me when I think about how I've scrimped is knowing it enabled me to buy a house in a decent area despite the fact I don't earn a great deal of money, so I do feel I have something to show for my "suffering" :rotfl:

splishsplash

OP I think you've lived your life according to what you believe is the 'right' way to do things and judge those who have made different choices as doing things the 'wrong' way.

You appear to believe there should be some approbation for being frugal or thrifty from ?society or ?the universe, instead you find you're being scr*wed for bills that are not yours, and may have deprived your own family in the process.

Really, neither you nor your OH's cousins are right or wrong. You've just chosen different priorities.

I've always believed the saying 'You can do anything you want, you just can't do everything you want'.

In your case, you've got your house, your OH's cousins have their holidays/cars/parties.

Only you can decide which you feel is a better deal at the end of the day.

skintmum2012

You dont need a lot to make fantastic memories. Some of my best memories are in the garden with my family drinking beer and eatting burgers give me that over a fancy meal any day where you have to be quite behave in a certain way and cant relax.
my wedding was at a registrey office where we then went back to my mums garden for a buffet hand made and a bop to a cd player very basic but I loved it and I am still married 7 years later and look back with fondness.
the point I am trying to make is its not the ammount you spend on an occasion its the people you share it with that makes the diffrence.

wondercollie

comeandgo wrote: »

you have known for 18 years when your son would turn 18 and you state you are broke? How does he feel knowing you have nothing put past for his big day but spent thousands on property?

I don't understand this British pre-occupation with birthday blowouts.


My youngest son just turned 21. We asked him what he wanted, a watch, money towards a trip. His answer? Dad's taking my truck in for an oil change on Saturday, could you just pay for that?


His older brother was the same.


None of their friends had huge parties for their 18th or 21st. Some may have got cash from their parents but nobody knows


It's a birthday like the one you had last year and the one you will hopefully have next year!

purpleshoes_2

I didn't have a party for my 18th, 21st or 40th. My brother isn't 40 yet buy he didn't have a party for his 18th or 21st. I didn't want one. For my 40th I went out for a meal with some work colleagues and then with my mum.

We didn't have tons of money growing up, I did go on holiday but certainly not every year. As an adult I spent years not going abroad and now when I do it's a cheap all inclusive week.

If you feel guilty that you've scrimped so much your kids have missed out you can rectify that, but as I said you don't need to spend tons of money doing so.

I go for meals with my mum, we use groupons and ncrowd vouchers. If you shop around you can get reasonable pre theatre and lunch deals or you can cook a meal at home, even if it is with ys food.

I don't spend much on eating out, or clothes, of food, or my social life but I'm not deprived. I'm sure plenty of folks on these boards feel the same.

I'm sure you wouldn't be happy with a spendthrift lifestyle on credit anyway.

But if you do feel that your kids have missed out on certain experiences, there's always ways to get those experiences on a budget.

QueenBeruthiel

wondercollie wrote: »

I don't understand this British pre-occupation with birthday blowouts.
..........

It's a birthday like the one you had last year and the one you will hopefully have next year!

We like to have "a bit of a do", to mark certain occasions:christenings, engagements, weddings and "big" birthdays and anniversaries.

However they do become quite competitive. Believe it or not, children's parties are the worst, with magicians in attendance, bouncy castles and party bags for the guests.

Actually, stag and hen do's are even worse....

CupOfChai

For my 18th I went to the pub with my mates!


I've got a significant birthday coming up, and my mam has been asking what I want for it. She did the same for other significant birthdays. She thinks it's odd and can't seem to quite get her head round the fact I don't want a "keepsake" gift to mark the birthday, a watch or jewellery or something like that, apparently this is the sort of thing that was done when she had these birthdays.


I don't really want anything, if I must I can't think of anything other than money, so I can put it toward the festival I've booked to go to this year. I'd always rather an experience or consumable than have something to dust. I told her "I want... it not to happen!"


Everyone can spend their own money how they see fit, I think.

Goldiegirl

For me, it's all about balance, and finding the right balance for yourself


We live reasonably most of the year, so we can continue to have our cruise holidays and see the world for the other few weeks of the year.


We have never been very big earners, but we've got no debts and have retired early.


We have no regrets - we could have not had our holidays and saved more - but then we may have regrets about not travelling when we could.




We have enough money to feel comfortable and to have more holidays.


Our balance is right for us


If the OP feels that may have missed out on a few things, maybe their balance should be addressed, and maybe think about saving for something they really want to do


I'm a bit confused about FIL's house that the husband bought his sister's share.


Is this the house that the OP and family are now living in ?


If not, I'm just wondering what the point of having two houses would be, if they have no ready cash at all.

curiousralphy

I think you're worrying too much about this. Just do what you feel is fair, and then stay completely out of it. Speak to your OH and decide what you want to spend as a unit towards the funeral, you would have probably bought a wreath but instead you could maybe put that money towards the service.

Your OH should speak to your SIL (don't do this yourself under any circumstances, these family things can get tricky if inlaws get involved) and tell her she is out of line and he will not be paying for a funeral - it is up to SIL to fix this not him and she can explain she made an error. Then OH needs to speak to whoever is organising it and explain that he has been told they are having trouble with costs and so instead of buying flowers he thought it might be helpful if as a family you and he contributed xx amount towards the funeral costs. I wouldn't even discuss paying half with them, if they ask "but SIL said you would pay...." he should act surprised and say he has no idea why SIL said that and that he is sorry they have been told this however he is happy to help which is why the two of you are contributing the agreed x amount to the service.

I know you and OH are a family and therefore equal in this but when it comes to death and inlaws these things can turn bad if inlaws get too involved, even when it's completely reasonable.

Mr_Singleton

You need to separate the idea of being frugal and living within your means.

I think it was Charles Dickens that said "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery."

Living within your means is good to a point but thats not to say that all debt is bad. All to often in my experience especially with people that wear it as a badge of honour being frugal is just a cover for personal meanness.

Looking at others and condemning them for having "expensive" holidays or a "new car" every few years smacks of the politics of envy especially when you (seem) to proudly say your car is years old and scraped and dented. Maybe you need to invest in some driving lessons?

Its possible that your relatives can afford the funeral costs but are using the excuse of having no money as a ruse to get you to make a contribution as a relative. If you don't want to pay then just say.