Am I the biggest fool for being frugal?

dandy-candy

Sorry but this will be a rant...

I've never liked to have credit so DH and I have always lived frugally so we could put a bit by each week and save.
We have three kids, the eldest is 22, and they have had 4 cheap one week holidays abroad in their life.
I've never own a new car, my current one is 7 years old and covered in debts and scrapes.
My clothes are all Primark or charity shops.
The food in our fridge is all yellow sticker.
For our honeymoon we did 3 nights in a best western in Suffolk.

I am very proud because living like this has meant my DH could buy his sisters share of FIL house mortgage free. We used all our savings and my inheritance from when my mum died to do this, and we have a small amount left to re wire and plumb the house as this hasn't been done for 60 years.

DH uncle has just died and although he has no kids there are lots of cousins.
These cousins holiday abroad every year in expensive places like America, which my kids have never seen. They have nice new cars like Audis that they replace every 3 years. One just gave her daughter a fancy birthday party at a casino in London. Last year she married and took all her family on the honeymoon cruise in the med. And now suddenly they are saying they don't have money for uncles funeral. What is worse is DH sister turned around and said that she and DH will foot the bill - without even asking us!

Are we complete fools for not just blowing our money on having nice things? DS2 is 18 in three weeks time and is having a BBQ in the back garden as I can't spare the money for anything fancy. It won't be anything to remember all his life. I don't know if I'm living life all wrong here. What do you think?

RAS

Remind DH sister that the cost of the funeral comes from the estate; get the FD to invoice and take it to the bank and they will pay without probate.

Rainy-Days

It does kind of make you wonder doesn't it when you see everybody off blowing wads of cash - or in their case maxing out their credit cards!

Thing is, people are very good at putting a front on things, glossing over what truly lurks underneath. Unless you have an in-depth knowledge of their financial affairs, I would try and rise above it all.

Swimming in a whole raft of debt is nothing to be proud of. Being canny with money is a bench mark to get you through the lean times as well as the good.

The clue is in the replacing of the new Audi's every three years. I would suggest that they are not their cars at all. They are either on lease contract, or probably on where you pay a monthly contract fee for them then after three years you can buy out the remaining value of the car for cash, or you get a new one and you begin the cycle all over again. Difference is - at least you own yours!

What are they going to do when they retire then - can they afford these lease back schemes or are they living for the moment!

dandy-candy

RAS wrote: »

Remind DH sister that the cost of the funeral comes from the estate; get the FD to invoice and take it to the bank and they will pay without probate.

The problem is he had no money, lived off his pension in a council house.

dandy-candy

Rainy-Days wrote: »

What are they going to do when they retire then - can they afford these lease back schemes or are they living for the moment!

I have wondered about that as they are all about 10/15 years off retirement age with mortgages, debts etc. but they will have lovely memories of fancy meals, holidays etc; which none of my lot have

FairyPrincessk

Just wanted to pipe up and say that a backyard bbq birthday party sounds like something to remember to me. Surrounded by friends and family with nice food, lots of laughter and conversation (that you can actually hear!)... I wouldn't enjoy a birthday party in a London casino. I might remember it---but not for any good reasons!

ElefantEd

You can have great memories without spending loads of money.

Bigjenny

I think the person who arranges the funeral is responsible for the bill, if you ask over on the Death, Funerals and Probate board, someone will be able to to give you the information.

Rainy-Days

So, the question is do they have the money to clear their debts by the time they retire or are they going to have to sell up, downsize use the equity to clear the mortgage and debts combined and move elsewhere?

Memories are one thing, but busting yourself financially - well is it worth it if you don't own the roof over your head? Pictures from a time gone by or special memories of being in the company of friends in your back garden having a nice time with a bar-be-que. Just it costs thousands did it make them any happier?

I know a couple exactly the same as this, always clearing off abroad, three kids (triplets actually) America, New York, Chicago, California, cars on tick, new kitchen - she's always blowing money at TK Maxx on clothes and elsewhere - can never for the life of me work out how they have this much money to spend, but it's all on the never, never.

I sleep at night. I own my home outright and my cars. Apart from the utility bills on monthly DD everything is paid for. I don't have fancy holidays (I have a nice car for sure), but I am content with my lot and I have comfort and security. What I have - I own. Debt catches up with you eventually - the never, never sure comes knocking at the door.

QueenBeruthiel

I would rather go to the dentist's than a casino, in London or anywhere else.

The barbie sounds great.

Honey_Bear

dandy-candy wrote: »

What is worse is DH sister turned around and said that she and DH will foot the bill - without even asking us!

It's up to her what she wants to contribute to the cost of her uncle's funeral. If she's suggesting it's anyone else's responsibility I'd suggest that it's a shared one, ie if your DH contributes, it's exactly the same proportion as the rest of the cousin's contribute.

My brothers have a very nasty habit of voluteering me for things that I don't want to do. It continued until I said 'No.'

It's up to your OH to decide how he's going to deal with this, as it's his family. We're all stuck with ours and falling out over money is really, really easy to do, and if it occurs at the time of a family bereavement in my experience the rift never heals.

Of course you're not living life all wrong. You're living life to the full and just because you are surrounded by people who are paying extortionate interest on borrowings doesn't mean it's a good idea!