Am I the biggest fool for being frugal?

purpleshoes_2

Eliza wrote: »

Personally I don't agree with either 'side', but we all make our own choices and place value on different things, and we shouldn't either be smug or condemn others for those that they make. The situation is where it is now and uncle has died.

The issue here is that Uncle should have a respectful send off and whoever's got some money, should fork out. Doesn't have to be a lavish do, but should honour this gentleman's life and memory. It sounds as though you're using this sad event as an opportuntiy to make a point which I don't feel is right. If you don't have a mortgage and don't buy anything much, then you must have some savings. Use them then top them up later. What else are they for? There's no great value in bricks and mortar other than monetary, we place far too much value on 'paying off the mortgage' - for what?

Pay for the funeral, get the cousins to do other things such as help prepare the food. You can all go your own ways afterwards and never have anything to do with each other again if you choose.

This poor man - the alternative is to let the council bury him (aka paupers funeral). He deserves a better family all round!

The OP has said that they dont have spare cash, they've just bought a share of a family member's house.

Why should she and her husband get into debt just because other members of the family have maxed out their credit cards?

People should take responsibility for organising their own funerals and I appreciate in times where someone has died young this won't always happen, but if someone lives to a decent age the least they can do is have money/insurance to pay for it, insurance for a funeral doesn't cost much.

No one should be guilt tripped into paying for a funeral they can't afford just because other members of the family have spent too much on credit cards.

Im not sure whether the uncle has kids, but if he has, they would be the people who would be dealing with organising details, even if they don't have money to pay for it, they should be looking into finding out if they can get assistance to do so.

It shouldn't be passed onto other relatives to deal with, really unfair, no one should be made to feel guilty for their lifestyle choices when other people have had several fancy holidays they can't afford but when it comes to something like this it's all, who me? I don't have any money.

FairyPrincessk

Leaving aside lifestyle choices, I would point out to your family members that all of your savings are tied up in the house and that you also do not have enough money to cover the cost of the funeral. As far as I can tell this is true. If you can make a smaller contribution, then tell them exactly how much that is and stand firm on that amount. If they push for more explain that you simply cannot contribute more money and perhaps offer time--making phone calls etc. The funeral will have to be organized according to what everyone can contribute. If that ends up being a state-paid funeral (and I understand there are strict rules about who qualifies for this) then that is what it will have to be. I would work on the assumption that if the deceased had wanted elaborate arrangements that he would have organized his affairs to be able to fund them. Just like the amount of money one spends on celebrations does not equate love, the amount of money one spends on funerals is not an indication of how much they mourn their loved one.

Mistral001

I think the Op should separate her "frugalness" from the situation with regard to the funeral. It is irrelevant as far as I can see. If the Op took expensive holidays and bought a new car every year the situation would be just the same as far as I can see.
Despite what the OP or other relatives may think about this spend-thrift family, jumping in and offering to pay for the funeral without being expressly asked for such help might not be appropriate here.

Mojisola

dandy-candy wrote: »

What is worse is DH sister turned around and said that she and DH will foot the bill - without even asking us!

You and your OH aren't committed to anything because his sister has told other people you will pay.

If she has signed the agreement with the FD, then she is responsible for paying for the funeral.

I would make it clear to other family members that you don't have any money spare and won't be paying half the costs.

purpleshoes_2

Mojisola wrote: »

You and your OH aren't committed to anything because his sister has told other people you will pay.

If she has signed the agreement with the FD, then she is responsible for paying for the funeral.

I would make it clear to other family members that you don't have any money spare and won't be paying half the costs.

I totally agree.

anotheruser

My colleague saves 85%-90% of what he earns.
He pays his bills, although doesn't switch when it's cheaper to do so. He pays bills at the post office rather than Direct Debit, so a real dinosaur in that sort of thing.

However, he lives like a complete pauper.
So much so, he has taken to eating the free meals our business provides for other customers.
For example, if McDonalds gave free McDonalds to it's staff at any time, he would be in there twice a day.

I on the other hand, save as much as I can. I don't eat out often (once every two months or so, maybe), don't have an expensive car or other things. I always hunt for the cheapest too! But I don't live like a peasant. In fact, I am very lucky with a lot of the things I own or experience.


Earn as much as you can.
Save as much as you can.
Give as much as you can.

auburnette

It depends on how far your financial security extends. If you are happy that your old age is taken care of (sufficient pension etc) then maybe you can relax the purse strings a bit. If you are confident you have or will have enough to get by in most reasonable eventualities then yes, you could spend more on making nice memories.


(Your 2yo won't remember the party anyway at that age!)

7roland8

Firstly I think the comment about not saving for son's 18th was uncalled for - you use your money as needed and don't plan for the next 18 years - well we didn't - it was mostly hand to mouth as bills came in. But we cleared the mortgage and put two sons through uni - not with much money ever - but that did not matter.

Securing property is the most important thing but I can see how irritating it is to see others squander money.

However you are right to feel proud of being frugal but I do think that SIL is wrong in volunteering you pay - it should be divided equally among cousins.

By the way our sons had their 18th and 21sts at home - invited who they wnated and seemed quite happy.

oldtractor

If the deceased died penniless wont the council pay for the funeral?

Mojisola

oldtractor wrote: »

If the deceased died penniless wont the council pay for the funeral?

If no-one else will, yes.

If the death happened in a hospital, the NHS has to pay.