exs new boyfriend

Mojisola

Are the children old enough to talk about what happens when they are with her?

Would they tell you if there was anything about the new BF that worried them?

theend?

Yes they are old enough but would prefer nothing to happen in the first place.
The main problem is the speed of whats happened shes met him chatting on facebook for a couple of months from what I can gather and then met him in person last week and has pretty much moved in with him, its just very odd.

Mojisola

theend? wrote: »

Yes they are old enough but would prefer nothing to happen in the first place.

Obviously that would be best.

For the time being, will the children carry on seeing their mother at their grandmother's house?

When the children do first meet him - if he's interested in being around them because he may not want to have anything to do with them - see how they feel about him.

theend?

yes no plans yet, may not even last long enough for it to ever happen just seeing whats available.

meritaten

I don't see the problem - the children don't seem to have contact with your EXs new boyfriend. IF your ex has them overnight and you think BF is staying too, then there MIGHT be a problem. but it could be with you - would you expect your EX to object if you had a new friend who stayed overnight?

carolan78

I can see his 'problem', if ex has met this bloke last week and practically moved in he is worried it is only going to be a matter of weeks if that until she wants the kids to stay at the new blokes house.

I don't think he would be safeguarding his children if he didn't have the concerns he has under the circumstances he has stated. Surely it is better for him to put his mind at ease as much as he can now, without confronting the mother and damaging their relationship even further?

System

Is there anyone else in the family you can communicate your worries to? When my dad split up with my stepmum, he started seeing some random woman, and she was there one time i went round, my nan went nuts at my dad for rushing things and having her there, so maybe her mum might be able to talk to her.

krlyr

Would you be looking up every man she's with? There are plenty of perfectly normal people who use internet dating, and there are plenty of dodgy people down your local pub, friends with your friends, cousins of your sister's boyfriend's aunt.

As another poster said, I'd be trusting her judgement to look after her children. If you don't feel you can do that, then why aren't you concerned with her ability to look after them in any other situation, not just in who she dates?

Jagraf

Is there any possibility she's known him for ages and ages and that you just don't know about it?

Your concern should lie with not trusting her, not the people she gets to know iykwim. When I split with my ex DD got to know two completely new families and their friends - stepmom and stepdad and everyone who went with them. I only know the stepmom and non of her family, same with my ex - he doesn't really know anyone on stepdads side. But, we trusted each others judgment.

Mojisola

theend? wrote: »

Poor judgement could be her middle name unfortunatly its why weve split. She has a drink problem amongst other things

krlyr wrote: »

As another poster said, I'd be trusting her judgement to look after her children. If you don't feel you can do that, then why aren't you concerned with her ability to look after them in any other situation, not just in who she dates?

Why would you trust someone when her poor judgment was the reason for the breakup?

Addicts who haven't dealt with their issues can't be trusted to make sensible decisions about their own lives, let alone their children's.