Making things work...

purpleshoes_2

I think theres a lot more to this than her RA to be honest.

mrsHall2b

If this was a bloke doing it to a woman it would automatically be called abuse. She seems very manipulative.

but as you refuse to part ways even though its best for both then theres not really much point saying any more.

FBaby

Steve, I'm sorry for being upfront, but are you sure she still loves you? Because to me, it doesn't sound like she does, more that she is found some comfort in the routine of her life, and bearing the times you come back knowing that you will be away again and she can go back to the comfort of her routine.

It is easy to assume that those who are self-sufficient and confident would automatically decide to leave if they stopped loving their partner, but my experience is that many can't contemplate losing what they have, usually a certainly level of comfort and companionship that they need in their life.

What really stroke a cord in all you've written is that she couldn't be bothered to go and pick you up when you got back after 4 months and when you got home, instead of apologising about it, she starts making jokes about it? What loving wife would act like that?

How would you feel if you continued the way things are, make all the efforts to be more independent and making her life easier to be told in a few months or years that she has stoppped loving you years ago?

If I were you, I would really need an answer that goes beyond just asking her and satisfying myself with a brief 'of course I love you, don't be silly, so what's for dinner now?'

steveouk

Hi, I was just having a browse back at the comments and the last one by FBaby struck a chord with me. Its interesting how sometimes I feel that I make concessions quite willingly to be easy its just my nature. However to get her to do even little things can take a lot of effort. So yes the whole thing about meeting me at the station for me was a big deal but not for her. She has me wrapped around her finger and she just has to turn on the charm when I get in and I am sorry to say I fall for it. If I don't Sercombe to her charms she gets in a mood - even if I am tired after a 10 hour flight and travelling on 3 different trains from heathrow.
Anyway she did do one thing for me at the weekend - a cup of tea in bed - the fist for 10 years! She said it was very hard for her to do but I was not very well so she thought it would be nice. She did offer to come home from work and take me to the doctors yesterday as well.

purpleshoes_2

It looks as if there's no way you are going to leave her, so what are you going to do?

Put up with the way things are for the rest of your life?

steveouk

I was going to bring things up on sunday but did not get round to it as she was watching tv most of the day. She was fine to cook dinner but only a choice of 2 dishes - after I have cooked her a whole host of things during the last month yes that was the last time she cooked a meal - a month ago. I feel that whatever I say or do I cant win - in whatever sphere the winning is. To her its all a joke but to me I just feel I have no control and my opinion and feelings don't matter.

carefullycautious

Are you in the forces? I am trying to understand why you are absent for long period of times.


It sounds as if she has adjustment problems to you coming home and disrupting her patterns of behaviour in the home.


This coupled with your expectations/excitement of coming home soon bursts your balloon so to speak.


If you are in the forces is there a counsellor internally that you could speak to about this.


As this has been going on for 10 years It is going to take a long time to resolve I hope you get the help you need.

steveouk

Why do I waste my breath? We have had yet another argument about TV!


She has gone to bed and is ignoring me despite me going up there and calmly saying why I am so frustrated and feel its unreasonable for her to have the choice of watching the TV all night every night. Basically she has had 3 nights of watching what she wants. All I wanted was to watch one programme she would not hand over the remote. She is so controlling over it.
Its crazy. I have tried to say to her how she cuts me off etc but she is ignoring me or just says shut up or f off

LilElvis

steveouk wrote: »

Why do I waste my breath? We have had yet another argument about TV!


She has gone to bed and is ignoring me despite me going up there and calmly saying why I am so frustrated and feel its unreasonable for her to have the choice of watching the TV all night every night. Basically she has had 3 nights of watching what she wants. All I wanted was to watch one programme she would not hand over the remote. She is so controlling over it.
Its crazy. I have tried to say to her how she cuts me off etc but she is ignoring me or just says shut up or f off

This is the same argument I have every day, but the difference is that mine is with a 4 year old!

Your life together just seems to be one petty squabble after another. You need to find some common ground, or help from an intermediary, to see if you can actually find a root cause, or whether you are just wholly incompatible.

Mojisola

steveouk wrote: »

she is ignoring me or just says shut up or f off

There's very little chance you will be able to make this relationship work while she gives you ultimatums like this.