Spoilt kids - would this bother you?

Caroline_a

Jagraf wrote: »

I understand your point. However, if anything is said to the parents, then it is also assumed something may be said back, as there is always going to be another perspective. If both sides are happy to take criticism of their child(ren) then fine, but one persons way of parenting is different from the next.

.

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I would have made my point to the children. If the parents then chose to interject and say that it was fine then I would have made my point and stood my ground, but the idea is that if other adults show disapproval of what children are doing then at least it shows the children that not everybody will put up with badly behaved and selfish children - hence my point about respect for teachers, police, etc.

Jagraf

Caroline_a wrote: »

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I would have made my point to the children. If the parents then chose to interject and say that it was fine then I would have made my point and stood my ground, but the idea is that if other adults show disapproval of what children are doing then at least it shows the children that not everybody will put up with badly behaved and selfish children - hence my point about respect for teachers, police, etc.

Apologies, I agree with you then

marleyboy

All will pan out as they get older. One will appreciate getting a new pair of shoes, another will demand the next high brand of trainers.

marisco_2

ben_m_g wrote: »

After some excellent behaviour all week, we rewarded her with a DVD of her choosing. This was special to her, we don't just buy her things for no reason and she was proud that she 'earnt' this reward.

Being a chatty friendly girl she was trying to share this in a recent family visit.

Of course the boys have this DVD, and all the others, and that this movie was "rubbish".
I could see that she was creastfallen, she doesn't want to watch it anymore and she asked me later, if she was a good girl could she have a "better" movie.

Simple answer is say no. Then gently explain to your daughter that she liked the movie perfectly well before the boys shared how they felt about it. Excellent opportunity here to instill in her that other peoples feelings about things shouldn't influence her own. If you give in then effectively your child ends up as pampered and spoilt as your nephews. Don't indulge her over sensitivity or you will only achieve to make a rod for your own back.

Mojisola

marisco wrote: »

Then gently explain to your daughter that she liked the movie perfectly well before the boys shared how they felt about it.

Excellent opportunity here to instill in her that other peoples feelings about things shouldn't influence her own.

Also point out that she won't like everything that the cousins (or other people) like but that it's better manners to say that you don't like it rather than 'because I don't like it, it's rubbish'.

warmhands.coldheart

I would not sit in the same room as those two little so and so's without reprimanding them myself especially as it was aimed at your daughter. If your family are going to turn a blind eye to it, fair enough, that's their choice, but if directed at your daughter then you have every right to step in and reprimand them... if the family don't like it TOUGH!! they can go swivel... .especially as it's obviously having an effect on you daughter...

fierystormcloud

bouicca21 wrote: »

The behaviour would bother me and deserves a gentle intervention. But it does not just bother me in terms of the effect on your little girl, it bothers me that children of that age need to big themselves up in such a negative way. It suggests considerable insecurity and maybe jealousy. It's not the same as sibling rivalry.

Agree. :T

Caroline_a wrote: »

I might be old and possibly old-fashioned in my outlook, and certainly don't claim to have all the answers, but I think that refusing to comment on bad behaviour is the wrong thing to do. Sometimes you have to stand up and be counted.

Absolutely. :T

catkins wrote: »

I would be annoyed too. I don't have children but I dislike spoilt horrible brats. I would limit the amount of time your daughter spends with them personally.

Also don't be so sure they will change as they get older. I have known a couple of families where the children were allowed to get away with almost anything and they have almost all grown up to be horrible adults

This. ^^^ Well said Catkins. :T

Also, I have to say that in my experience, and in the experience of people I know, boys seem to get away with more than girls too. The women in the family (nana, aunts, sometimes mum) seem to excuse their behaviour more, and in some cases, they can't do a thing wrong!

My nephews and male cousins get away with waaaaay more than their sisters; they don't even have 'chores,' like the sisters do.

Also, my mother (now almost a pensioner,) said her two brothers got away with murder as kids, while she was always put upon, given the chores, and made to feel inferior. (by her mother, AND gran.) Don't let this happen to your daughter OP!

If I were the OP, I would speak directly to the boys, and tell them their behaviour is not acceptable, and that if they carry on like this, and continue to be mean to your little girl, that they will not be welcome at your home, unless their behaviour changes.

There is no WAY to address this without offending your sibling (the parent of these boys,) so just rip off the band aid and do it. Better they be offended, than your daughter growing up being bullied by these little brats!

teffers

You get the kids you deserve... I know I did. :eek:

Hate spoilt brats ... even when they're adults.

bouicca21

To go back several posts, my idea of a gentle intervention would be to respond to the boys in much the same way as suggested in post 10. It's not something to take up with the parents, that would just exacerbate the situation. But there is nothing wrong with gently telling the boys that they are being unkind.

PS and yes boys often get away with more. I am always wary of the parent who says that their chid is 'a real boy' because it often translates as 'my boy is a ill behaved pain in the backside and I think men are supposed to be like that'.

Hermia

marisco wrote: »

Simple answer is say no. Then gently explain to your daughter that she liked the movie perfectly well before the boys shared how they felt about it. Excellent opportunity here to instill in her that other peoples feelings about things shouldn't influence her own.

I agree as it will be a good lesson to learn for later on. I think every school class has a spoilt kid who boasts about what they own and sneers at other people.