Spoilt kids - would this bother you?

Jagraf

There's not a lot you can do about their family. They have a right to bring up their children as they wish, as do you. I certainly wouldn't be saying anything at all.

What I would do is help your DD learn from this. She will always meet other kids who are not the same, and you can teach her the strategies you want her to learn.

This is about teaching her to understand that if she thinks the DVD is cool, then it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. Tell her to take no notice.

Funnily I had this conversation with my 16 year old last night . Your DD will come across this type of thing regularly from now one. Give her the skills to manage it, and don't ruin your family dynamics over it.

bouicca21

The behaviour would bother me and deserves a gentle intervention. But it does not just bother me in terms of the effect on your little girl, it bothers me that children of that age need to big themselves up in such a negative way. It suggests considerable insecurity and maybe jealousy. It's not the same as sibling rivalry.

Jagraf

bouicca21 wrote: »

The behaviour would bother me and deserves a gentle intervention. But it does not just bother me in terms of the effect on your little girl, it bothers me that children of that age need to big themselves up in such a negative way. It suggests considerable insecurity and maybe jealousy. It's not the same as sibling rivalry.

What do you mean by gentle intervention? One parent telling another how to bring up their kids? In a family situation?

Most 4/5 year olds are spiteful and jealous, in fact, most people are they just know not to act it out. What happens when this little girl reaches a stage where she's not behaving according to plan as she inevitably naturally will (as do all kids).

IMO saying anything, if that's what you mean, is a recipe for disaster.

Caroline_a

Jagraf wrote: »

What do you mean by gentle intervention? One parent telling another how to bring up their kids? In a family situation?

I tend to think that this is where we, as a society have gone wrong. The phrase 'it takes a village to raise a child' has vanished, and our children are given divine rights to behave how they wish. No wonder teachers struggle to maintain discipline, and there is little respect for any kind of authority!

Most 4/5 year olds are spiteful and jealous, oh goodness, no they aren't! This age is a delightful age, or at least the children were when mine were young. in fact, most people are they just know not to act it out. What happens when this little girl reaches a stage where she's not behaving according to plan as she inevitably naturally will (as do all kids).

IMO saying anything, if that's what you mean, is a recipe for disaster.

I might be old and possibly old-fashioned in my outlook, and certainly don't claim to have all the answers, but I think that refusing to comment on bad behaviour is the wrong thing to do. Sometimes you have to stand up and be counted.

wiogs

One technique might be to try and engage these kids and find out why they though it was rubbish.

All the better if you have seen the DVD and can offer your own opinion as to why you think it is not rubbish.

This might help your daughter appreciate different points of view and let her understand that is is okay to have different choices.

Peer pressure will come from all sides so it is up to you to support your daughter in the decisions she chooses to make.

ben_m_g

This has divided opinion a little, but in this situation I did speak up.

The first time I expected one of the parent to speak up, they didn't.
The second time I (politely as I could) explained that everyone has different things and that DD's toy was actually very nice. (or words to that effect).

He sulked, but that did little to stop the attitude.

catkins

I would be annoyed too. I don't have children but I dislike spoilt horrible brats.


I would limit the amount of time your daughter spends with them personally.


Also don't be so sure they will change as they get older. I have known a couple of families where the children were allowed to get away with almost anything and they have almost all grown up to be horrible adults

Jagraf

Caroline_a wrote: »

I might be old and possibly old-fashioned in my outlook, and certainly don't claim to have all the answers, but I think that refusing to comment on bad behaviour is the wrong thing to do. Sometimes you have to stand up and be counted.

I understand your point. However, if anything is said to the parents, then it is also assumed something may be said back, as there is always going to be another perspective. If both sides are happy to take criticism of their child(ren) then fine, but one persons way of parenting is different from the next.

My DD has boy cousins two years older than her. From a toddler she used to follow them round and they used to hide from her, they didn't want to spend time with her at all. I accepted this as normal behaviour. They've fallen out, made up, had their own arguments, been spiteful (both ways,my daughter was awful at about 13 to them). Now my nephews can drive they drive her around everywhere, leaving us adults, relationship still in tact, to have a great time.

We had extremely different parenting techniques. But all the kids have grown up fine, without each other intervention.

j.e.j.

Jagraf wrote: »

Most 4/5 year olds are spiteful and jealous, in fact, most people are they just know not to act it out.

No they're not. SOME people are spiteful and nasty but the majority are not.

Money_maker

Sounds more like bragging than spite to me. My DS2 had a friend like that at primary school. Popular kid but always had to have the latest everything such as a computer game which I knew hadn't even been released at that time. He was just trying to big himself up a bit. He's 18 now and a really nice kid