Spoilt kids - would this bother you?

ben_m_g

I'm going to keep this one short, as every time I go to write it, it winds me up and I end up deleting the thread.

So apologies if this lacks detail, I will get the main points across.


My brother's two boys (4&5) are incredibly spoilt, with no discipline. This I can't comment on, I am not a child care expert and they are his kids to raise.

What really got to me the other day, was how they shot down and ruined a special treat we gave my DD (3).

After some excellent behaviour all week, we rewarded her with a DVD of her choosing. This was special to her, we don't just buy her things for no reason and she was proud that she 'earnt' this reward.

Being a chatty friendly girl she was trying to share this in a recent family visit.

Of course the boys have this DVD, and all the others, and that this movie was "rubbish".
I could see that she was creastfallen, she doesn't want to watch it anymore and she asked me later, if she was a good girl could she have a "better" movie.

This attitude continued through out the visit, anytime she spoke, one of the boys would disregard what she was saying, they had a bigger one, or a newer one. All very spiteful, why a 4/5 year old needs to know how much things cost, or even how much more there one is versus other is beyond me.


My brother and his wife, seemed proud of this behaviour and leave it unchallenged.
I'm sure the boys will get better, and I don't blame them for how they act, but I certainly don't want to spend any time around them at the moment.

somethingcorporate

Yes, it would bother me.

Personally I would keep my DD away from people like that, even if they are family.

We try and limit time with my MIL because she is so toxic without even knowing it. Constant criticism, niggles etc all day long that chip away and we don't want to expose our child to such negativity so we just significantly limit time with her.

pollypenny

Unfortunately, the boys thinks that they are the 'big boys' compared to this little three-year old, so their behaviour is to be expected.

However, they should not be allowed to get away with this behaviour and its disappointed that they were not reprimanded by their parents.

It's a shame for your little girl.

Spendless

I can see how it would be upsetting to you, belittling your child's present for being good. I doubt you'll get them to change their behaviour though, or their parents to understand how they are coming across.

Speak to your dd about being confident in her own choices, regardless of what other people think. She chose the dvd and was happy with her choice until her cousins rubbished it. If you're present when they start dismissing your child's things, you could just nip the conversation in the bud with something about your dd liking whatever and she's had it as a treat for doing something good.

If you feed for the need of family relations you are having to bite your tongue too much, learn this poem to recite inwardly
'We are the want want twins'
scroll down to see it.

http://lafpoetryonparade.blogspot.co.uk/2011/04/double-trouble-look-alike-day.html

Kaye1

Yes, it would really annoy me too. I think you are doing the right thing expecting her to earn things.


She will do better in the long run. I had to limit time with our nephew as he was so violent.


Even though he was several years younger than our LO, he would absolutely batter her. I would step in a tell him off (parents didn't.) But it was just too exhausting.

Alikay

It seems as though your nephews are very competitive, possibly made worse by the fact they are same-sex siblings and very close in age. They've obviously got into a habit of bigging themselves and their possessions/achievements up by rubbishing everyone else. It's very negative, and needs stopping, but isn't especially unusual in kids of that age.

It's also pretty common for them to rubbish something they consider babyish or "girly" at that age too. I'm guessing the DVD may have been something like Peppa Pig or Frozen whilst they're probably starting to get into something a bit more macho. It's not kind, and very rude but developmentally pretty normal I'm afraid:(. If it happens again I'd gently point out to them that your DD's only 3, whilst they are big boys now, and encourage them to praise her and join in with her pleasure.

thorsoak

ben_m_g wrote: »

I'm going to keep this one short, as every time I go to write it, it winds me up and I end up deleting the thread.

So apologies if this lacks detail, I will get the main points across.


My brother's two boys (4&5) are incredibly spoilt, with no discipline. This I can't comment on, I am not a child care expert and they are his kids to raise.

What really got to me the other day, was how they shot down and ruined a special treat we gave my DD (3).

After some excellent behaviour all week, we rewarded her with a DVD of her choosing. This was special to her, we don't just buy her things for no reason and she was proud that she 'earnt' this reward.

Being a chatty friendly girl she was trying to share this in a recent family visit.

Of course the boys have this DVD, and all the others, and that this movie was "rubbish".
I could see that she was creastfallen, she doesn't want to watch it anymore and she asked me later, if she was a good girl could she have a "better" movie.

This attitude continued through out the visit, anytime she spoke, one of the boys would disregard what she was saying, they had a bigger one, or a newer one. All very spiteful, why a 4/5 year old needs to know how much things cost, or even how much more there one is versus other is beyond me.


My brother and his wife, seemed proud of this behaviour and leave it unchallenged.
I'm sure the boys will get better, and I don't blame them for how they act, but I certainly don't want to spend any time around them at the moment.

Yes, this would wind me up too! As the mother of 3 boys and 1 girl (fortunately girl was no 2 in the line-up) I am only too aware of the competitive nature of male siblings ...but eventually my DD learned how to compete at her level - and outwit them!

At the present time, I would advise that "special" times for your DD do not include her unruly cousins - keep the special times, special - possibly shared with friends. Do not keep her from her cousins though - let her play with them ...they will start off by bossing her about - but she will soon learn how to stop that. After all, you don't want to raise a "fragile flower".

I'd also suggest that you have a look at the website "A mighty girl" - see http://www.amightygirl.com/

At the moment, her cousins are brats - they may stay brats all their lives, or they may grow into nice enough boys! :rotfl:

Piggywiggy

Just remember that spoilt children turn into spoilt adults!

peachyprice

While yes I would be upset, I would have to see it for what it is. TBH, it's pretty normal behaviour for boys of that age to 'rubbish' all things girly, especially when they are in packs.

To them, at 4/5, they think they're so much more grown up than their 3yo cousin who doesn't even go to school yet, they're men of the world don't you know!

So while your nephews may well be very spoilt, I don't think this particular situation is necessarily a result of that, it's more that there is a chasm growing between the boys who have moved on and your little girl.

Caroline_a

I'm sorry... I'd have said something. (Probably puts me in the naughty corner) Children who do not have bad behaviour challenged grow up thinking it's acceptable, and then stupid parents wonder why they have uncontrollable teens.

It would have probably been something along the lines of 'Don't you think that was a very unkind thing to say to a little girl who is a lot younger than you?' and then take it from there, depending on their response.

2gorgeousgirls

somethingcorporate wrote: »

Yes, it would bother me.

Personally I would keep my DD away from people like that, even if they are family.


Agree with above to an extent. It's not always possible to cut family out, but I would certainly limit their time together, at least for a while. Hopefully, as the boys get older they will be nicer. But I would also keep boosting your daughter's confidence in her own choices and explain that just because they don't like the DVD doesn't mean it is rubbish, that they have different tastes.

We have been in a similar situation with my nephew who always tries to "get one over" on my two, with the help of my mother, I should add.

However, we have now got the point where we visit when we know he is unlikely to be there. We also don't mention school reports/achievements to my mum as she never responds with a "well done" but with a "well, xx got this/did this". You can only listen to these comments so many times before you think "why bother telling her our news", so really mum misses out a lot on what is going on with my girls.

To be fair, my mum sees far more of my nephew as he lives 2 minutes away and we are 70 miles away so I suppose it is inevitable that he would be more special to her.

Unfortunately, learning to deal with people who hurt you is one of life's lessons and looks like you daughter is going to have to learn at a young age how to cope with these boys.

Could you talk to the parents about the boys behaviour? Maybe if they were to see it through someone else's eyes they would realise that it is unacceptable.