Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

Going to tell them if they've got anything negative to say for them to tell me during the week as it's not fair to Mrs K and our son.

Or not say anything at all ?

maman

So sorry to hear that your parents were so ????? today but I think the tone of your posts is the most positive I've read in ages.


They were completely out of order to say you can't afford your son and had him too young. What ridiculous nonsense!! And saying so in front of him was unforgiveable. You must have been best part of 30 when he was born which is hardly a teenage pregnancy. You know I've been particularly concerned in recent weeks about messages getting across to LittleK that weren't planned. What on earth is he supposed to make of this???


I can see that you feel you have to visit them but I'd be cool, businesslike and civil only. They deserve nothing more. It's a shame you're having the birthday part at the big house. Why's that?


Glad you were enthused by the Primary presentation. I love KS2 as they're old enough to have a grown up conversation but not yet reached the bored with everything teenage stage. But the breadth of subject knowledge needed is huge and the assessment and planning time is enormous. Any thoughts on this?


I've been meaning to ask about your new windows. Are they single glazed? We have single glazed, wooden windows as out house is in a Conservation area. We could have secondary double glazing but I don't fancy it. I've heard that purpose built. wooden double glazing is horrendously expensive. Any views?

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

I really feel for you with your situation with the parents.

They just don't want to let you move on, it was nice to see you not agreeing with them in your comments on here. I am afraid that they seem to be a lot of the problem in terms of your opinion of yourself. It's a shame as you seem like a very good son to me. They are lucky to have you and if in your mind you think you need to make up for things in the past you are more than doing it.

Great news re the teaching course, it seems to have reinvigorated your interest. I know what you mean about the need to be there for son and find a vocation, I think we all struggle with that one.

I'm quite angry with them, to be honest. Tried to go to bed at the same time as wife but couldn't sleep. They won't let me move on because it was their money I wasted, though they gave it to me with no stipulations, it was theirs. I am trying my best to make up for it. I go there everyday, listen to them, help with whatever it is they need / want me to do but that will never be enough for them.

Very interested in the teaching but not sure if I'd be good enough.

newgirly wrote: »

Going to tell them if they've got anything negative to say for them to tell me during the week as it's not fair to Mrs K and our son.

Or not say anything at all ?

:rotfl: There's no chance.

maman wrote: »

So sorry to hear that your parents were so ????? today but I think the tone of your posts is the most positive I've read in ages.

They were completely out of order to say you can't afford your son and had him too young. What ridiculous nonsense!! And saying so in front of him was unforgiveable. You must have been best part of 30 when he was born which is hardly a teenage pregnancy. You know I've been particularly concerned in recent weeks about messages getting across to LittleK that weren't planned. What on earth is he supposed to make of this???

I can see that you feel you have to visit them but I'd be cool, businesslike and civil only. They deserve nothing more. It's a shame you're having the birthday part at the big house. Why's that?

Glad you were enthused by the Primary presentation. I love KS2 as they're old enough to have a grown up conversation but not yet reached the bored with everything teenage stage. But the breadth of subject knowledge needed is huge and the assessment and planning time is enormous. Any thoughts on this?

I've been meaning to ask about your new windows. Are they single glazed? We have single glazed, wooden windows as out house is in a Conservation area. We could have secondary double glazing but I don't fancy it. I've heard that purpose built. wooden double glazing is horrendously expensive. Any views?

I don't know what my son is meant to make of this, can't say I'm impressed, though them saying disrespectful things about me in front of son is nothing new. Mrs K doesn't like it but I suppose I understand why.

I was 30 the month after son was born and wife was 28. We weren't in the best financial position, I'll admit to that but he's very much wanted and loved. I don't see him as some kind of necessity to pass on inheritance and look after me in old age. If he doesn't want to know me when he's older, I'll be sad but that's ultimately his choice.

Son's birthday party is going to be there because the theme is based around steam trains and my father has a garden railway. Can't say I really want to have the party after this but will do.

I'd really like to try the teaching and am going to ask if I can go into son's school maybe one afternoon per week. I know I'd be required to teach every subject ... probably including computers :rotfl: :eek:! That's the only subject I'd be seriously worried about as I have quite wide interests that fall into various national curriculum subject areas. Would be quite up for subjects challenge, though the quantity of assessment and planning activities does worry me. Don't really know if I'd be good enough to get on the course in the first place and coping with the job does concern me. Most (Primary) schools in Derbyshire have between about 80-120 pupils, my son's school is really small, so if I were to do this, the school I'd work in would be bigger.

My windows are single glazed and they replaced windows that were single glazed, so not experience of double glazed. You are exactly right about purpose built double glazed wooden framed windows being horrendously expensive. Not sure that answers your question, though.

DollyDee_2

I think Alex's parents are more in need of counselling than Alex!;)

Perhaps if they attended one of Alex's sessions and his counsellor pointed out that if they stopped continually dragging up the past Alex might have a chance to put it behind him.

I would imagine it's over 10 years since they gave Alex the money, it's about time they stopped obsessing over it and making everyone miserable.

cazmanian_minx

Alex - how much money was it? You're doing really well with the savings, how about saving up however much it was and paying them back? I don't know if it's feasible or not, but I suspect if you were able to, it would really boost your self-esteem and put your relationship back onto a more level footing.

AlexLK

DollyDee wrote: »

I think Alex's parents are more in need of counselling than Alex!;)

Perhaps if they attended one of Alex's sessions and his counsellor pointed out that if they stopped continually dragging up the past Alex might have a chance to put it behind him.

I would imagine it's over 10 years since they gave Alex the money, it's about time they stopped obsessing over it and making everyone miserable.

Not a chance my parents would turn up to a counselling session.

My parents aren't exactly the most happy of people, though they aren't mentally ill.

The money had been more or less spent 10 years ago. However, it's not just over the money.

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

Alex - how much money was it? You're doing really well with the savings, how about saving up however much it was and paying them back? I don't know if it's feasible or not, but I suspect if you were able to, it would really boost your self-esteem and put your relationship back onto a more level footing.

Enough to pay the mortgage and buy a nice E type. I'm doing well (was, I should say) but not that well.

Relationship with parents won't ever be level, I don't think.

cazmanian_minx

Impressive!! I hope you've got some good memories out of it

You'd be surprised about how relationships change over time. Mr Minx's mother, who has always ruled her four sons with an absolute rod of iron, is now realising that she actually needs them more than they need her and is taking suggestions from them for the first time in her life. It's been quite an eye-opener for him.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

I'd really like to try the teaching and am going to ask if I can go into son's school maybe one afternoon per week. I know I'd be required to teach every subject ... probably including computers :rotfl: :eek:! That's the only subject I'd be seriously worried about as I have quite wide interests that fall into various national curriculum subject areas. Would be quite up for subjects challenge, though the quantity of assessment and planning activities does worry me. Don't really know if I'd be good enough to get on the course in the first place and coping with the job does concern me. Most (Primary) schools in Derbyshire have between about 80-120 pupils, my son's school is really small, so if I were to do this, the school I'd work in would be bigger.

My windows are single glazed and they replaced windows that were single glazed, so not experience of double glazed. You are exactly right about purpose built double glazed wooden framed windows being horrendously expensive. Not sure that answers your question, though.

Thanks for the windows comments. I think I just wanted confirmation that my neighbours (well those that don't have secondary) and I aren't the only people left in the world with single glazed windows! It feels like it sometimes.


Different sized schools have different demands but it would seem most schools in your area are small compared with national average. That being said though, unless it's a really tiny school then the class size for KS2 could still be 30+.


Any chance you could go into a school other than LittleK's? Obviously you'd be in KS2 so he wouldn't see much of you but I think it's really important that he learns to develop his own relationships and get used to the school community separate from his home life at the moment. Why not talk it through with the Headteacher? It's a good idea to get the feel of teaching KS2 but (and I'm sure I don't need to tell you this) what you see happening in the classroom is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of workload.

cat1978

They won't let me move on because it was their money I wasted, though they gave it to me with no stipulations, it was theirs.


Correct me if I'm wrong, but if they gave you money, then it stops being theirs and becomes yours. You may have wasted the money and regret doing so, but because it was yours you were allowed to do what you wished with it?????
My parents once took over some car finance (along with the car) because I could no longer afford it when my partner left me. The guilt was heaped on me many times that they'd had to do it, until one day about 6 years later, I replied I wish you hadn't bothered if you're going to throw it in my face every couple of months, I should have had it repossessed!!! They apologised profusely, said that they didn't mean it etc etc, and it's never been mentioned again!!!


I'm doing a degree in Maths with Statistics :eek: it's hard work, but hopefully only another 7.5 months to go

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

Impressive!! I hope you've got some good memories out of it

You'd be surprised about how relationships change over time. Mr Minx's mother, who has always ruled her four sons with an absolute rod of iron, is now realising that she actually needs them more than they need her and is taking suggestions from them for the first time in her life. It's been quite an eye-opener for him.

:rotfl: Yes, a lot of good memories even though I regret it.

My father has his kind moments these days for, I think, similar reasons. Certainly wasn't kind when I was a child, so my guess is he realises he's old.

maman wrote: »

Thanks for the windows comments. I think I just wanted confirmation that my neighbours (well those that don't have secondary) and I aren't the only people left in the world with single glazed windows! It feels like it sometimes.

No, you and neighbour are not the only ones.

maman wrote: »

Different sized schools have different demands but it would seem most schools in your area are small compared with national average. That being said though, unless it's a really tiny school then the class size for KS2 could still be 30+.

Any chance you could go into a school other than LittleK's? Obviously you'd be in KS2 so he wouldn't see much of you but I think it's really important that he learns to develop his own relationships and get used to the school community separate from his home life at the moment. Why not talk it through with the Headteacher? It's a good idea to get the feel of teaching KS2 but (and I'm sure I don't need to tell you this) what you see happening in the classroom is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of workload.

There are some big schools. Those in the city of Derby will be big (would hate to work there for other reasons, though) and also the ones in big towns but most village schools are small.

I do have some KS2 music experience in my old prep school. They'd be OK with me observing other subjects being taught, so yes, can go elsewhere. Do see where you're coming from in regard to my son, he does need to get used to his school community.

More than aware of planning and assessment through the music I'm involved in, though I can appreciate this would be on a bigger scale.

Son had a good day at school, his teacher told me he's been really well behaved and willing to join in. Pleased for him, even if I do miss him during the daytimes.

cat1978 wrote: »

They won't let me move on because it was their money I wasted, though they gave it to me with no stipulations, it was theirs.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if they gave you money, then it stops being theirs and becomes yours. You may have wasted the money and regret doing so, but because it was yours you were allowed to do what you wished with it?????
My parents once took over some car finance (along with the car) because I could no longer afford it when my partner left me. The guilt was heaped on me many times that they'd had to do it, until one day about 6 years later, I replied I wish you hadn't bothered if you're going to throw it in my face every couple of months, I should have had it repossessed!!! They apologised profusely, said that they didn't mean it etc etc, and it's never been mentioned again!!!

I'm doing a degree in Maths with Statistics :eek: it's hard work, but hopefully only another 7.5 months to go

You're right. My parents hadn't thought beyond me doing something sensible (buying a house or investing / business). However, it was never discussed and the last thing on my mind was doing something sensible, also didn't realise more would not be forthcoming.

Know where you're coming from re. guilt, mine do it all the time.

... Maths with Stats, nice. :eek: The regulars know Maths and I aren't friends.