Renovations and Repayments.

kelpie35

As for LK's behaviour, I hope you and MrsK have told him how, his bad behaviour has disappointed you both, and there are consequences for that bad behaviour.

I am sure your son is picking up your bad vibes re how you feel about the school. You need to support the school in managing this bad behaviour and show LK that this is not acceptable.

You see from teaching in schools, the bad behaviour of pupils, so this is why you need to nip it in the bud NOW

maman

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Maman explained better than I could.

HBS x

Thanks for your kind words. It's just that I have many years of experience in dealing with this sort of thing.


The way I see it is that LittleK appears very advanced in his academic learning but not so in social skills. That's to be expected as an only child who's spent a great deal of time being the centre of attention with adults in his pre-school years. I remember my own DD when she went to nursery had to learn why she couldn't commander the only scooter for the whole session:). The only way he will learn social skills is to mix and practise and as kelpie says the school can help him. Think about it Alex, if he came home and refused to read because he wasn't very good at it and didn't like it you wouldn't just dismiss that as unimportant. Social skills are really important both in life and in the workplace as is learning that you don't get your own way all the time.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Ugh, I think I'd be telling your father a few home truths if I ever met him. :mad: I think you do very well while fighting the black dog, just remember to take time out to do nice things for yourself as well as staying busy.

In the immortal words of Dale Cooper..."Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it; don't wait for it; just let it happen. It could be a new shirt in a men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black, coffee."

(Obviously not an expensive shirt though :rotfl:)

I used old-fashioned because I was trying to avoid saying sexist, ha ha!

It's a bit strange, because I do not think you are sexist in your actions but I think you can be in your thoughts. I will try and explain this with more sense when my brain has woken up

HBS x

My father doesn't really understand why I can't move on. Today I wondered if he was perhaps right; I was at school today and ran some general musicianship classes as well as lessons and the volunteer bit. Really enjoyed it and got some great feedback from the school's senior management. Very tired this evening though as I've been busy all week, tomorrow is a 10am-7pm day to conclude.

Not really sure how wanting to give my wife and son a better place to live and more spare money is "sexist"?

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

First, please be strong with LittleK. Although I'd be surprised if he's thought it through his reaction to having to do things he doesn't want to do isn't acceptable and giving in to him would condone it. Well done for not telling him that you don't think his school offers a suitable standard of education but I'm sure he can feel that coming through. Try to say positive things about the school even if you secretly don't agree and ask for their support in dealing with his bad behaviour. They're skilled at it.

My son isn't ready for this step at the moment and I don't want this to become a barrier to his education. Wife wants him to stay there until Christmas, personally I think that's going to start to interfere with what he's there to do. I have told him that his behaviour in class is unacceptable and to not let other children influence his schoolwork.

There are 12 children in my son's class, obviously the teacher cannot give one to one tuition to all children at once. It is for that reason I believe I can provide a better education for him at home.

maman wrote: »

While I don't want to put a label on it whether that be 'sexist' or 'old fashioned' you do still seem to be rooted in the past when you seem to believe it's your role to provide for MrsK. She's a well educated woman who commands a good salary. Financial provision isn't what she wants from your relationship. You aren't sexist in the sense that you expect her to be tied to the kitchen or do all the childcare. In that respect you're very much the modern man but your obsession with your belief that your current home isn't good enough and the only way out you can see is to fall back on your parents is inexplicable to those of us for whom the norm is paying our own way/standing on our own two feet and any other cliche that comes to mind. Another thing I find odd is that your mother seems ahead of her time for her generation in that she seems to work hard in the family business so no little 'wifey' role model there.

Not really sure why wanting better for my family makes me "sexist". As for falling back on my parents, I wish that wasn't the case and that I could do better for myself. It's not a nice feeling to know I'm effectively waiting for someone to die in order to become financially secure.

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

As for LK's behaviour, I hope you and MrsK have told him how, his bad behaviour has disappointed you both, and there are consequences for that bad behaviour.

I am sure your son is picking up your bad vibes re how you feel about the school. You need to support the school in managing this bad behaviour and show LK that this is not acceptable.

You see from teaching in schools, the bad behaviour of pupils, so this is why you need to nip it in the bud NOW

I will not ever tell him that he's a disappointment but agree the behaviour issues need to be nipped in the bud.

maman wrote: »

Thanks for your kind words. It's just that I have many years of experience in dealing with this sort of thing.

The way I see it is that LittleK appears very advanced in his academic learning but not so in social skills. That's to be expected as an only child who's spent a great deal of time being the centre of attention with adults in his pre-school years. I remember my own DD when she went to nursery had to learn why she couldn't commander the only scooter for the whole session:). The only way he will learn social skills is to mix and practise and as kelpie says the school can help him. Think about it Alex, if he came home and refused to read because he wasn't very good at it and didn't like it you wouldn't just dismiss that as unimportant. Social skills are really important both in life and in the workplace as is learning that you don't get your own way all the time.

He will learn to mix and make friends with his peers as he matures, it's not something I need to control. Personally, I believe his academic learning is of far greater importance and always has been. Yes, he's somewhat 'advanced' academically, this is because I have put in a LOT of effort to further his knowledge in all kinds of disciplines.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

He will learn to mix and make friends with his peers as he matures, it's not something I need to control. Personally, I believe his academic learning is of far greater importance and always has been. Yes, he's somewhat 'advanced' academically, this is because I have put in a LOT of effort to further his knowledge in all kinds of disciplines.

:wall: no, Alex, you don't need to control it you need to put a LOT of effort into furthering his social development. You can't provide that at home. He needs to be with his peers to practise social skills and you need to support him.


I'm not sure I understand what you mean by 'he's not ready for that step at the moment'. I fear it's a euphemism for you're not ready and you can't say no to him so you're going to let him come home:(.


This is a very similar conversation to the one about IT skills. You've got it into your head that education is about fixed academic disciplines and are happy to ignore new developments and the whole social/behavioural/emotional element of schooling. I just can't see the logic behind encouraging him to be advanced for his age in the things you believe in but insisting that other things can wait until he matures.


P.S. It's not wanting better that makes you 'sexist', it's the fact that you see it as your responsibility to provide a home and don't acknowledge that it's the home you and MrsK have put together and she's proud and happy with your joint achievements. That and the fact that you've set the bar so high in the sort of home you want and an unrealistic wish to be mortgage free in your 30s that it's making you very miserable.


Any fireworks around your way?;)

ourcornercottage

I would say I would insist on school lunches for two reasons

Firstly at 4/5 socialisation is probably the most important life skill they are learning at school. Learning to deal with other people and personalities, learning they don't have to like everything but it doesn't change it, learning to mix with adults and children. Learning when it is appropriate to control their wants and desires. You might say you don't care if he learns this and in theory it doesn't matter but this is life, in real life you meet people you don't like, you sometimes eat food you aren't keen on, you mix when you don't really want to. If you don't learn these skills early on its so much more distressing for the child/adult learning them later in life. They might also not develop a good sense of judgement which is a vital life skill and can lead to terrible decision making later in life. Unfortunately you just can't do this within the family unit as it involves meeting all types of people to help your child to develop this life skill.

The behaviours at lunch and in the class are all part of this side of his skills development/education and removing him from this situation will halt this part of this valuable learning and reinforces disruptive behaviour (see below!)

Secondly, a friend with older children gave me one piece of advice when the Miniocc as about 2 which was that mutual parent/child respect and that parent/child roles have to be established as early as possible. Sometimes the parents word just has to go, and the family is not always a democracy. Learning this at 4 is so much easier than at 14. Once they get to this age they will be spending more time away from the family unit and if he hasn't gained the skills to make good judgement calls early in life (see above!) you may need to put your foot down. If you don't have the parent/child riles set out how exactly do you plan on stopping these situations occurring.

For example how do you control No going out on a school night with that dodgy lad who lives in the village when he hasn't learnt the vital skills to make good calls themselves and don't have the respect for the parental rules.

Please consider the overall idea of this post not the detail. These skills he is learning in the classroom and at lunchtime aged 4/5 will far exceed in importance he academic achievements by the time he reaches young adulthood and inadvertently whilst trying to do your very best if you let him have his way now you may well have inadvertently held him back in life.

Ps I don't think you are old fashioned or sexist but think that when you are not well you don't phrase your posts well on occasion

Watty1

AlexLK wrote: »

As for falling back on my parents, I wish that wasn't the case and that I could do better for myself. It's not a nice feeling to know I'm effectively waiting for someone to die in order to become financially secure.

You are only waiting because you have that as an option Alex.
If you did not, you and Mrs K would work on the house you have and enjoy it. You might decide that Mrs K would be the major breadwinner and you would renovate the house and provide the majority of the childcare and house stuff in between earning some money doing what you like. You might decide to sell up and live on a river boat. You might decide anything. But instead you are waiting because you can.
If you did not have that option you might have fun deciding as a family of 3 what you really wanted your life to be like rather than what others think it should be.
Earning lots didn't make you happy so you can ticked that off the tried list - but - it doesn't mean the only other option is to wait.

heartbreak_star

Watty1 wrote: »

You are only waiting because you have that as an option Alex.
If you did not, you and Mrs K would work on the house you have and enjoy it. You might decide that Mrs K would be the major breadwinner and you would renovate the house and provide the majority of the childcare and house stuff in between earning some money doing what you like. You might decide to sell up and live on a river boat. You might decide anything. But instead you are waiting because you can.
If you did not have that option you might have fun deciding as a family of 3 what you really wanted your life to be like rather than what others think it should be.
Earning lots didn't make you happy so you can ticked that off the tried list - but - it doesn't mean the only other option is to wait.

If I could thank this twice I would.

HBS x

cazmanian_minx

Some weekend reading for you, Alex - Country Life's guide to period bathrooms

http://www.countrylife.co.uk/property/interiorsperiod-bathroom-styles-78025