Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Hurrah for being busy! Definitely better than being poorly, right?

I feel for Little K, and I am sure as the other kids get used to him being around over the next few days that they will talk to him more

You're getting a small HBS bum-kick for the quoted bit of the post though - see my purple thoughts...

HBS x

Definitely, had another busy and productive day today. Feel quite a lot better when I've the energy to be busy. Hopefully this will not stop.

I think we'll have to see how this week goes with our son and having lunch at school.

On another note, I'm not really sure how to respond to the purple thoughts. In a lot of ways, I wonder if I'd be happier if I hadn't the weight of expectation placed upon me. Today I went to my parents and father told me he's still disappointed in me.

Entirely different note, I realised this evening that I'd not put away my £30 saving, so done that as don't want to get into the habit of not saving. A few items have gone up for sale too, so hopefully I'll get a little closer to my target by the end of the year.

newgirly

Sorry to hear littlek had a bad day, but you can't shield him from all the things he doesn't want to do. Sometimes a little tough love is required I think your dw is right in that its easier to bit the bullet now rather than when he gets older. Hope things improve tomorrow for you all

kelpie35

DO NOT give in to your son's wishes re coming home for lunch or you will regret it.

He has to learn that he can't have his own way all the time.

Try to explain to him that his behaviour in class and assembly will not help his peers to like him or want to be his friend.

This is a big learning curve for him as you have tried to shelter him from the "real" world in many ways.

I hope that you support your wife's wishes and insist that he stays in school all day. If you feel too upset to have that conversation with him allow your wife to take control of the situation and take a step back.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Unfortunately he had an awful lunchtime today. He was on his own again and decided he wanted something else to eat for lunch at lunchtime but could do nothing about it for obvious reasons. Wife thinks he needs to stay or this will go on for years but I'm just not convinced he was ready to stay in the first instance.

I've told him that perhaps he needs to make the effort with the other pupils but he's not keen. Also not the best of behaviour in class, either. Did not want to sit in a circle and was very disruptive in assembly.

newgirly wrote: »

Sorry to hear littlek had a bad day, but you can't shield him from all the things he doesn't want to do. Sometimes a little tough love is required I think your dw is right in that its easier to bit the bullet now rather than when he gets older. Hope things improve tomorrow for you all

I so agree with newgirly and MrsK (and ETA:kelpie) is absolutely right. LittleK is simply pushing boundaries (all children do) with his behaviour and the allegedly not fancying his lunch. As I suggested earlier, by all means work behind the scenes and speak (privately) to his teacher about helping him settle at lunchtimes but please don't just give in to him. I'm not even saying that he's consciously trying to get his own way but he is trying to exercise control as a response to change. You really need to make a stand. Make him stick with school lunches and then praise him to the hilt at the weekend for managing a new situation. Explain it's all part of growing up. Nursery is part time but school is full time.

heartbreak_star

Sounds like a bit of a rubbish day all-round! Hope today is better.

The previous posters are right, he's pushing back against changes that he doesn't like. Don't coddle him, or it'll turn into spoiling him.

RE: your father...that's HIS problem, NOT yours. You aren't a disappointment to Mrs K (she chose you for hers) and especially not to Little K, who obviously adores you! (I'd be tempted to tell your dad if you're such a disappointment, he won't want to see you so often then, will he?)

*coachy hugs and encouraging back-pats*

ETA: With my purple thoughts on my other post, the easiest way to deal with them would be to think of your wife as a person first and a woman second yes, I'm a feminist (well, equalitarian) but I also suspect you're a bit old-fashioned somehow...!

Hope that all makes sense. I had very little sleep and require caffeine...

HBS x

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

Sorry to hear littlek had a bad day, but you can't shield him from all the things he doesn't want to do. Sometimes a little tough love is required I think your dw is right in that its easier to bit the bullet now rather than when he gets older. Hope things improve tomorrow for you all

kelpie35 wrote: »

DO NOT give in to your son's wishes re coming home for lunch or you will regret it.

He has to learn that he can't have his own way all the time.

Try to explain to him that his behaviour in class and assembly will not help his peers to like him or want to be his friend.

This is a big learning curve for him as you have tried to shelter him from the "real" world in many ways.

I hope that you support your wife's wishes and insist that he stays in school all day. If you feel too upset to have that conversation with him allow your wife to take control of the situation and take a step back.

maman wrote: »

I so agree with newgirly and MrsK (and ETA:kelpie) is absolutely right. LittleK is simply pushing boundaries (all children do) with his behaviour and the allegedly not fancying his lunch. As I suggested earlier, by all means work behind the scenes and speak (privately) to his teacher about helping him settle at lunchtimes but please don't just give in to him. I'm not even saying that he's consciously trying to get his own way but he is trying to exercise control as a response to change. You really need to make a stand. Make him stick with school lunches and then praise him to the hilt at the weekend for managing a new situation. Explain it's all part of growing up. Nursery is part time but school is full time.

Thanks all. I think it's somewhat easier said than done not giving in to him. Today has been difficult again, he's been very upset, not well behaved at school and wants to stay at home.

I'll confess it's difficult for me because, if I'm honest, I'd rather he was at home covering a more varied and more advanced curriculum than he does at school. Not told him that, though.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Sounds like a bit of a rubbish day all-round! Hope today is better.

The previous posters are right, he's pushing back against changes that he doesn't like. Don't coddle him, or it'll turn into spoiling him.

RE: your father...that's HIS problem, NOT yours. You aren't a disappointment to Mrs K (she chose you for hers) and especially not to Little K, who obviously adores you! (I'd be tempted to tell your dad if you're such a disappointment, he won't want to see you so often then, will he?)

*coachy hugs and encouraging back-pats*

ETA: With my purple thoughts on my other post, the easiest way to deal with them would be to think of your wife as a person first and a woman second yes, I'm a feminist (well, equalitarian) but I also suspect you're a bit old-fashioned somehow...!

Hope that all makes sense. I had very little sleep and require caffeine...

HBS x

Today hasn't been great but I've kept myself busy. Not sure how much longer I can fit something into every minute of the day but it does keep the black dog away because I simply haven't got any time to sit around thinking and philosophising.

I understand why father is disappointed. He asked if I was still going to apply to do teacher training and I told him that I don't think I'd be able to cope with it, so am not. That prompted the "get over it" conversation.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised you think I'm old fashioned in that regard, although I've noticed a few people on here seem to think I'm "sexist" in one way or another though I'm not sure why.

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

Today hasn't been great but I've kept myself busy. Not sure how much longer I can fit something into every minute of the day but it does keep the black dog away because I simply haven't got any time to sit around thinking and philosophising.

I understand why father is disappointed. He asked if I was still going to apply to do teacher training and I told him that I don't think I'd be able to cope with it, so am not. That prompted the "get over it" conversation.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised you think I'm old fashioned in that regard, although I've noticed a few people on here seem to think I'm "sexist" in one way or another though I'm not sure why.

Ugh, I think I'd be telling your father a few home truths if I ever met him. :mad: I think you do very well while fighting the black dog, just remember to take time out to do nice things for yourself as well as staying busy.

In the immortal words of Dale Cooper..."Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it; don't wait for it; just let it happen. It could be a new shirt in a men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black, coffee."

(Obviously not an expensive shirt though :rotfl:)

I used old-fashioned because I was trying to avoid saying sexist, ha ha!

It's a bit strange, because I do not think you are sexist in your actions but I think you can be in your thoughts. I will try and explain this with more sense when my brain has woken up

HBS x

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

I understand why father is disappointed. He asked if I was still going to apply to do teacher training and I told him that I don't think I'd be able to cope with it, so am not. That prompted the "get over it" conversation.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised you think I'm old fashioned in that regard, although I've noticed a few people on here seem to think I'm "sexist" in one way or another though I'm not sure why.

First, please be strong with LittleK. Although I'd be surprised if he's thought it through his reaction to having to do things he doesn't want to do isn't acceptable and giving in to him would condone it. Well done for not telling him that you don't think his school offers a suitable standard of education but I'm sure he can feel that coming through. Try to say positive things about the school even if you secretly don't agree and ask for their support in dealing with his bad behaviour. They're skilled at it.


While I don't want to put a label on it whether that be 'sexist' or 'old fashioned' you do still seem to be rooted in the past when you seem to believe it's your role to provide for MrsK. She's a well educated woman who commands a good salary. Financial provision isn't what she wants from your relationship. You aren't sexist in the sense that you expect her to be tied to the kitchen or do all the childcare. In that respect you're very much the modern man but your obsession with your belief that your current home isn't good enough and the only way out you can see is to fall back on your parents is inexplicable to those of us for whom the norm is paying our own way/standing on our own two feet and any other cliche that comes to mind. Another thing I find odd is that your mother seems ahead of her time for her generation in that she seems to work hard in the family business so no little 'wifey' role model there.

heartbreak_star

Maman explained better than I could.

HBS x