Renovations and Repayments.

Muser1

Hi Alex,

Just saw your comment about Bolsover. Have you ever visited Hardwick Hall? It's fabulous for children.

choccielover

Muser1 wrote: »

Hi Alex,

Just saw your comment about Bolsover. Have you ever visited Hardwick Hall? It's fabulous for children.

LOVE Hardwick Hall, fabulous place, with a working mill there too.
Highly recommend

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

I'm not surprised you are cross, I'd say you are getting no respect from them. I know your father is elderly but can't your mum work as a bit of a buffer to ensure that important things really are important.

In the past you've said they want you to be good with money and an upstanding citizen so to speak, then do things like this that make you loose money and let people down.

I'd have been fuming if I were you. Problem with elderly relatives is that they often cry wolf and then when they really need help there's nobody there as they aren't taken seriously. Catch 22 for you.

In other news the range is a good general shop, good for craft stuff for kids, kitchen stuff, material and bits and bobs you might not find elsewhere. A bit like an up to date woolies. they also have a pet and garden section too which is useful. Like a woolies/homebase/pets at home hybrid with a touch of dunelm mill!

Most peopke think miniocc not fussy because he will eat risotto, frittata, curry, sushi, salad, olives, artichokes. Asparagus, mushrooms all the things that kids usually hate. But try to get him to eat a burger or a sarnie when your running late on the motorway service station on your way back from somewhere and its s pain in the backside. I am proud when he orders a meal and gets complimented from the waiting staff how good an eater he is though

Ps being elderly and your dad is no excuse at throwing stuff at you by the way. Tell him so.

I did have a conversation with my mother about this today. She says that she knows he's being completely irrational but he is apparently excused for his age and for the fact I do not always handle things in a calm manner.

Throwing stuff is fairly reserved so far as he is concerned. Suppose he was brought up in times when it was wrong to ever question your elders.

Will have a look in The Range shop when I next visit Chesterfield, thanks.

My son is similar to yours, although doesn't have a problem eating the odd burger. I won't take him to McDonalds type places, though.

newgirly wrote: »

Terrible behaviour from your parents Alex, if it were me I would let them stew on it for a while and not rush back to visit.

No chance of that happening. I had to take him to an appointment with the doctor today. Often he asks me to take him because I don't sit with him asking 200 questions to the doctor about his health. He was completely different today, not angry and said he wouldn't have lost his temper had I not lost mine.

gallygirl wrote: »

I'd put him on the naughty step Alex .

So frustrating and probably not much consolation that those of us who've got/had elderly relatives have been through the same. When your dad is more rational tell him why it's unacceptable - though it probably won't make any difference. Next time if you're not given a good reason don't go. I remember the stressful drive over to mum's on many's an occasion wondering what I was going to find - only to discover she'd forgotten how to work the video or similar :mad:.

:rotfl: You're braver than I if you'd do that, Gally!

It is certainly frustrating but one of the reasons I think it would be better to live with them. If they wanted to tell me something, I'd only be a couple of rooms away.

AlexLK

Debsnewbudget wrote: »

My mum had a great work ethic so if I ever said I was working and could I call after work she would always say yes.
She also never pulled a face if when I left her I said I was going to work, wheras if I just said time to go, she was not happy.
I think your mum and dad see you as being free rather than being self employed. If you explain to your mum and dad that you are working and cannot just be called up there as it means you are letting other people down do you think they would accept that ?
Stress the work ethic and letting people down and it might sink in
Good luck, but either way, throwing books is not acceptable

My mother has a great work ethic too but does not see me as a 'worker'. They both often tell me that they worked everyday for their whole working lives so I and subsequent generations don't have to.

They do see me as being 'free'. I asked them what they'd do if I did the PGCE and they both said they wouldn't call until the evening because that's an "important course". I hadn't admitted I'd let anyone down because they'd be annoyed I did that and but if I told father I was going to deal with the pupils over him, he'd tell me I don't have my priorities in order. No way to win.

Muser1 wrote: »

Hi Alex,

Just saw your comment about Bolsover. Have you ever visited Hardwick Hall? It's fabulous for children.

choccielover wrote: »

LOVE Hardwick Hall, fabulous place, with a working mill there too.
Highly recommend

Not visited Hardwick and don't really know Bolsover but will definitely put it on the list of places to visit. My son would love to see a working mill. Thanks

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

He was completely different today, not angry and said he wouldn't have lost his temper had I not lost mine.

Codswallop.

This is the kind of guilt trip my mum used to lay on me before I stood up for myself a bit - for example "my arthritis is bad because you never helped me as a child" "your dad had a stroke because he was worried about you out with a boy he doesn't like" and so on and so forth.

It's a load of rubbish used by those in the wrong to make them feel better.

You were absolutely right to lose your temper at them, it sounds like they've had it coming for a while.

*hugs*

HBS x

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

It is certainly frustrating but one of the reasons I think it would be better to live with them. If they wanted to tell me something, I'd only be a couple of rooms away.

AlexLK wrote: »

They do see me as being 'free'. I asked them what they'd do if I did the PGCE and they both said they wouldn't call until the evening because that's an "important course". I hadn't admitted I'd let anyone down because they'd be annoyed I did that and but if I told father I was going to deal with the pupils over him, he'd tell me I don't have my priorities in order. No way to win.

:wave:back to poke my nose in after a week's holiday.


It seems however much people on the thread and, far more importantly, Mrs K advise 'standing on your own two feet' you seem determined to think of no future but moving to the 'big house' ASAP and so freeing yourself of mortgage payments and other financial responsibilities that are perfectly normal for most people. I understand the family home and wanting to keep it for future generations but not being prepared to being a 'kept man'.


If you moved in would you expect to live any sort of independent life? Would you continue with your private music teaching? If so your father is just as likely to call you in the middle of a lesson (so devaluing the importance of what you're doing) from another room as he is to summon you from your own home now.


If you know your parents would be annoyed that you had to cancel someone's lesson why didn't you tell them what made you so annoyed was that your father didn't explain what he needed you for. Surely it's not too much to ask that they give you an indication whether something can wait for an hour or two? They may be your parents and elderly and unwell in the case of your father but such a lack of consideration isn't acceptable (well not to me anyway;)).


Great news about LittleK and the school lunches. Plenty of time to sort something out before next half term. I think asking him what he'd like (within reason) is a good way forward. Cheese, fruit, yogurt, pasta salad, rice salad, crackers, cold meats, slices of frittata, bread sticks are all possibilities if he doesn't favour sandwiches. I'd check with the school if there are any guidelines not just for allergies but some schools have problems with hot drinks/soup.

choccielover

AlexLK wrote: »

Not visited Hardwick and don't really know Bolsover but will definitely put it on the list of places to visit. My son would love to see a working mill. Thanks

If you have a look on the NT website they often have nature walks with the Rangers, and I think have a children's nature club too.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Codswallop.

This is the kind of guilt trip my mum used to lay on me before I stood up for myself a bit - for example "my arthritis is bad because you never helped me as a child" "your dad had a stroke because he was worried about you out with a boy he doesn't like" and so on and so forth.

It's a load of rubbish used by those in the wrong to make them feel better.

You were absolutely right to lose your temper at them, it sounds like they've had it coming for a while.

*hugs*

HBS x

You may be right. I've not been blamed for any physical problems but often hear how they worked so hard in order for me not to. My parents believe they should be my first priority.

maman wrote: »

:wave:back to poke my nose in after a week's holiday.

It seems however much people on the thread and, far more importantly, Mrs K advise 'standing on your own two feet' you seem determined to think of no future but moving to the 'big house' ASAP and so freeing yourself of mortgage payments and other financial responsibilities that are perfectly normal for most people. I understand the family home and wanting to keep it for future generations but not being prepared to being a 'kept man'.

If you moved in would you expect to live any sort of independent life? Would you continue with your private music teaching? If so your father is just as likely to call you in the middle of a lesson (so devaluing the importance of what you're doing) from another room as he is to summon you from your own home now.

If you know your parents would be annoyed that you had to cancel someone's lesson why didn't you tell them what made you so annoyed was that your father didn't explain what he needed you for. Surely it's not too much to ask that they give you an indication whether something can wait for an hour or two? They may be your parents and elderly and unwell in the case of your father but such a lack of consideration isn't acceptable (well not to me anyway;)).

Great news about LittleK and the school lunches. Plenty of time to sort something out before next half term. I think asking him what he'd like (within reason) is a good way forward. Cheese, fruit, yogurt, pasta salad, rice salad, crackers, cold meats, slices of frittata, bread sticks are all possibilities if he doesn't favour sandwiches. I'd check with the school if there are any guidelines not just for allergies but some schools have problems with hot drinks/soup.

Did you go anywhere nice?

My main motivator for moving there is so my son can grow up there. I'd have no independence but I don't have that now, anyway.

Lots of ideas there, thanks. I'm going into school this afternoon to ask about any banned foods and speak (apologise ) to the Head.

choccielover wrote: »

If you have a look on the NT website they often have nature walks with the Rangers, and I think have a children's nature club too.

Will take a look and sounds brilliant. Hopefully there'll be something happening over half term.

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

You may be right. I've not been blamed for any physical problems but often hear how they worked so hard in order for me not to. My parents believe they should be my first priority.

I got used to brushing off anything that contained the words "I...because...you" in that order. And your parents can suck it up, buttercups, as Mrs K and Little K are your priority now.

HBS x

AlexLK

HBS: Thanks.