Renovations and Repayments.

newgirly

How did he get on today Alex? I hope he had a fantastic time.

If seperations are difficult for him would it not be better to reduce the amount of times a day he has to say goodbye? Perhaps you could try him at lunch and see if he enjoys it, I'm sorry to say but i agree with everyone else that he should at least try and join in with all the other kids to start with, those early days can be so important fitting in and making friends.

Surely you will try him at school lunches if thats what your wife wants , doesn't she get an equal say?

Muser1

I hope you are ok Alex?

AlexLK

cazmanian_minx wrote: »

I do think the school and MrsK are right on this one, Alex - anything that marks a child out as 'different' may, unfortunately, lead to being picked on.

With regards to inheritance, have your parents considered a discretionary will trust? My father set one up, the income goes to my mother and the capital comes to me when she dies. If they are that concerned about matters, they could leave the assets/capital in trust for LittleK, but the income from those assets to you. The capital in Dad's trust was agreed by both sets of solicitors to be not up for grabs when I got divorced from my first husband (though that might have been because at the time my mother had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and my brother and I, as the trustees, had agreed to dissolve it and use the capital if she needed any drugs that weren't on the list for the NHS in her area).

I do see your point, Caz. I think I'll see how these first couple of weeks go before making any decision about lunch, though.

My parents are having a lot of meetings with professionals about the best way forward regarding matters to do with their business / inheritance etc.

edinburgher wrote: »

Sorry to say so, but I agree with your wife in this instance.

Your son will already be different enough with no TV, no internet, music lessons etc. He will not have a frame of reference for many of the things that his peers (new friends) will and you are probably going to find yourself bombarded with conversations and requests for new items that seem meaningless to you and are likely total tat

You will kindly acquiesce to many of these new requests because you love him and it is not healthy to try and mould children into miniature versions of ourselves.

Like you, I wish for far more happiness for my children than I have found for myself.

Not been bombarded with questions yet but have found it's EXPECTED that Reception aged children know the basics of how to switch on a computer and use a keyboard and mouse. Also they encourage children to play 'age appropriate games' on the internet. :mad: Also expected they have a favourite TV programme, though that didn't surprise.

I'm not trying to turn my son into a miniature version of me and try my best to expose him to the world around us. He is outdoors lots, we play quite a few sports together, he can ride a bike, skip and does horse riding lessons. Over the summer he visited lots of local landmarks, saw Ospreys, went to a young farmers day and 3 agricultural shows. With my cousin's older children he played on hay bales, went fishing (well, he was watching really) and swimming. He doesn't just sit about learning to read, write and play music. Frankly, I find it sad that children are expected to be sat in front of screens.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Sorry Alex can't agree with you on this one although I know your intentions are totally honorable. I think in the long term he will be more happy to have lunch at school and may just continue coming home to make you happy.

Almost every child has a difficult first few days at school one way or the other and its totally normal. its just helping to create the coping mechanisms when things change in life which they inevitably do.

Keep your chin up

I don't really want him to come home for lunch during his whole school career!

I certainly agree regarding the coping mechanisms and know it is probably better for him to attend school from a social point of view rather than me homeschooling him. The question is what to do with myself ... Mrs K won't cook another one.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

If it helps at all, most parents have a difficult few days when their kids start school too.

Tell us stuff to keep you occupied. We don't mind

HBS x

Thanks, HBS.

maman wrote: »

Absolutely! But don't expect agreement;).

Most schools I know start Year R off part time so that they don't have to cope with staying for lunch and the tiredness of a long day from the offset. It seems your school don't do that.

What you're describing as your routine sounds almost like home schooling and while it may give you a focus to each day I really don't think it's going to help LittleK one bit. I can't remember who said it was OK to be a Special Snowflake (I had to look it up too;)) at four years old but I don't agree. Of course he's special and loved but he does need to start understanding the world around him too. A good school is as much about socialising as it is about academic learning. What I'd hate is that instead of realising he has different interests he'll decide that his way (i.e. your way) is better and start looking down on others. That's where a bad attitude to 'scummies' can spring from.

Would not expect anything less than your opinion at all times, maman. Though to be honest, it's usually a fairly good one (even if I don't always agree).

He's not started part time. During July he did two trial days which he really enjoyed, I don't think they really knew what to do with him the second day as they'd agreed to it after I told them he was very apprehensive so he just spent the day working with the other children in KS1 and loved it. However, today wasn't so successful.

Yes, his home routine is based around a curriculum, so in essence home schooling. How is this a bad thing? He's learnt lots and is way ahead according to developmental milestones appropriate for his age. I took some of his work in after lunch to prove he's working at a higher level, so hopefully he'll be challenged more tomorrow. Personally, I think one can learn to socialise at any time and at no time have I told him he's 'better' than his peers.

Muser1 wrote: »

Im half and half on the lunch time thing. A boy in my dds class goes home each day (y3) and it's not an issue. But they do interact so much at lunch, footie, tig etc. Why don't you let him stay each Friday to start with? Most schools have fish Friday which is really popular. If he enjoys staying then maybe add another day in and so on.

I hope he has had an amazing first morning. There really is so much more to school than the academic side of it.

Muser.

He will be staying at lunch eventually. Not sure whether it'll be next September or earlier yet.

Unfortunately, he was bored this morning. I was told they do their English and Maths work in the morning and had prepped him for that. He was looking forward to it and all he got to do was a bit of colouring. It seemed they spent a long time sat in a circle, though.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - nice to catch up with you.

Hope today has been ok. And I am on your side regarding lunches - I had my boys home for lunches for a few weeks or so - until there was something they fancied one day or it was the Christmas meal - then they wanted to stay so no problem - I did it at their pace.

Just be matter of fact about school - al children have to go. Don't let your ambivalence affect him. Also say about fun things to do on the weekend or after school when you drop him off - or ask what he fancies for tea etc.

The first day is always worse for parents I think - but don't let him get the feeling he's abandoning you. Tell him you can do the boring jobs when he's in school so you have time for fun in the evenings and weekends.

Hi Roland, I hope you are well. It's nice to see you are also debt free.

I'm hoping my son wants to stay and that he'll gradually decide he wants to stay for lunch, rather than it being forced from day 1.

Thank you for giving me some advice about how to deal with the 'school gate'. I don't want him to feel he's abandoning me at all, so your ideas have helped.

I remember what you said about your son thanking you for always being there for him. If my son ever says anything of the sort to me when he's older, I'll know there was one thing I didn't fail at. Just hope I'm doing the right thing and being there for him now.

newgirly wrote: »

How did he get on today Alex? I hope he had a fantastic time.

If seperations are difficult for him would it not be better to reduce the amount of times a day he has to say goodbye? Perhaps you could try him at lunch and see if he enjoys it, I'm sorry to say but i agree with everyone else that he should at least try and join in with all the other kids to start with, those early days can be so important fitting in and making friends.

Surely you will try him at school lunches if thats what your wife wants , doesn't she get an equal say?

He was bored, unfortunately and didn't have a fantastic time. Not an awful one but certainly not the time my wife and I hoped he'd have.

Hope I've clarified the school lunch situation.

Muser1 wrote: »

I hope you are ok Alex?

Not really.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Would not expect anything less than your opinion at all times, maman. Though to be honest, it's usually a fairly good one (even if I don't always agree).

Yes, his home routine is based around a curriculum, so in essence home schooling. How is this a bad thing? He's learnt lots and is way ahead according to developmental milestones appropriate for his age. I took some of his work in after lunch to prove he's working at a higher level, so hopefully he'll be challenged more tomorrow. Personally, I think one can learn to socialise at any time and at no time have I told him he's 'better' than his peers.

maman wrote: »

What you're describing as your routine sounds almost like home schooling and while it may give you a focus to each day I really don't think it's going to help LittleK one bit. I can't remember who said it was OK to be a Special Snowflake (I had to look it up too;)) at four years old but I don't agree. Of course he's special and loved but he does need to start understanding the world around him too. A good school is as much about socialising as it is about academic learning. What I'd hate is that instead of realising he has different interests he'll decide that his way (i.e. your way) is better and start looking down on others. That's where a bad attitude to 'scummies' can spring from.

Thank you for your kind words. I know I'm bossy and opinionated but I do think first.:)


I've quoted myself although I know it's bad form as I didn't want any confusion.


I'm not saying Home Schooling is a bad thing in terms of what LittleK has learned. I just think he'd be missing out if he didn't go to school especially on the social side. What you've experienced today reminds me of broody mums who found it so hard to part with their youngest that they just went ahead and had another child. So I think what I'm saying is that this isn't about LittleK it's about you and the void he's leaving.


I know you wouldn't actively tell him that what he knows and does is better than others but children are perceptive. He's probably picked up something of your parents attitude to MrsK, yours to the in-laws and I really hope he isn't aware that you took some work in to school today to demonstrate 'how much cleverer he is' than the other children.


I wouldn't knock computer literacy either as I think it's an essential life skill these days. Not instead of books and activity but as well as. I'm sure LittleK will pick it up easily. And, of course, he could start socialising at a later date but it won't help to put it off.

Try not to grill him when he gets back from school. Try and relax about it all and focus on having a good evening and weekend with him.


Tomorrow's another day:).

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Thank you for your kind words. I know I'm bossy and opinionated but I do think first.:)

I don't think there's anything wrong with being opinionated.

maman wrote: »

I've quoted myself although I know it's bad form as I didn't want any confusion.

I'm not saying Home Schooling is a bad thing in terms of what LittleK has learned. I just think he'd be missing out if he didn't go to school especially on the social side. What you've experienced today reminds me of broody mums who found it so hard to part with their youngest that they just went ahead and had another child. So I think what I'm saying is that this isn't about LittleK it's about you and the void he's leaving.

I know you wouldn't actively tell him that what he knows and does is better than others but children are perceptive. He's probably picked up something of your parents attitude to MrsK, yours to the in-laws and I really hope he isn't aware that you took some work in to school today to demonstrate 'how much cleverer he is' than the other children.

I wouldn't knock computer literacy either as I think it's an essential life skill these days. Not instead of books and activity but as well as. I'm sure LittleK will pick it up easily. And, of course, he could start socialising at a later date but it won't help to put it off.

Try not to grill him when he gets back from school. Try and relax about it all and focus on having a good evening and weekend with him.

Tomorrow's another day:).

Don't think I'd admit to this if it was earlier in the day and I'd not had a few drinks but I can't face him growing up, going to school and having a life of his own. I want him to have a life of his own but hate the thought of not teaching him or him no longer being around. I hate the fact that him growing older means my parents are too and though no amount of time could change the way I treated them in my late teens and early twenties, I want them to see I've managed to achieve something. They've given me so much yet I fail them, all I can hope to do is to give them a grandchild to be proud of.

I want my son to have the confidence to believe he can do anything that he wants to do.

ourcornercottage

Alex I think you need to stop thinking the school will teach him academically in reception year as from my experience they don't. MiniOCC is in year 2 now but from memory reception class was more about getting used to school, the social aspect, learning through play. Why not consider that they will develop this side and do the academic stuff at home (if you really want to). What you think of as traditional academic learning starts in year 1. If littlek has an expectation of what is going to happen at school and it doesn't he will of course be disappointed. Perhaps his expectations need setting correctly.

One of my friends has a boy you could describe as a child genius, could read freely at 3, knows his times table, plays chess. the lot. He was severely lacking in social skills and my friend made this the focus of reception year. The teachers soon worked out his level and made appropriate changes in the classroom to keep him occupied without making him seem different. That said though, like I said this wasn't taught, he's just exceptional academically.

Just food for thought, and I know you have his best interests at heart but You should consider if he is too young for what you are trying to achieve at the moment. Consider the Scandinavian system where children don't even start school until aged 6 and prior to this its all about socialising and learning through play. The Scandinavian system is widely considered one of the most effective educational systems there is. My friend is Norwegian and had 2 boys (y3 twins) and I can remember she was horrified about them being given traditional academic learning as young as they did.

Like you we worry about miniOCC growing up, he really is the centre of our lives. He is 7 next month and I just can't think where those last 7 years have gone. I wish I could freeze in time at almost every age. Don't be ashamed of that, its just loving your son. What would be a bit unhealthy IF (I'm not saying you do this) you are stoping/putting barriers for your son having his own life and develop his own personality because of it.

7roland8

Gosh Alex - how sweet of you to remember something I said months ago! Thats made my day:)

We used to play 'schools' before they started school too - but in a fun way. You cannot really expect the class to be doing much at this stage as they are all settling in - so getting your son to expect something and then it not happening is setting him up for disappointment - just tell him to have fun at playtimes etc and enjoy himself.

I think the other way round to you - I think socialising is the most important part - and education is what can come after.

Like you I would want a child to not spend all his time on a computer - but the way things are taught these days its handicapping him if he is not up to speed with the technology - whatever your opinions - its a fact of life you have to accept.

Just like with TV - I know back in the 60s we only had one channel while others had more and were discussing programmes I could not watch. At a young age things like that are important if you are to fit in.

AlexLK

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Alex I think you need to stop thinking the school will teach him academically in reception year as from my experience they don't. MiniOCC is in year 2 now but from memory reception class was more about getting used to school, the social aspect, learning through play. Why not consider that they will develop this side and do the academic stuff at home (if you really want to). What you think of as traditional academic learning starts in year 1. If littlek has an expectation of what is going to happen at school and it doesn't he will of course be disappointed. Perhaps his expectations need setting correctly.

My son is not in a Reception class as all KS1 (R, Y1 and Y2) are in one class together. If he were to stay at that school he'd then move up to the KS2 class where Y3, Y4, Y5 and Y6 are all together. So, I suppose I thought he'd not be seen as a Reception child but as a KS1 child.

Today he had a good day as Mrs K spoke to him about how what he is doing there could be fun. It seems he's made some friends because he wanted to go back to school to play this lunchtime, though still wants to eat at home.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

One of my friends has a boy you could describe as a child genius, could read freely at 3, knows his times table, plays chess. the lot. He was severely lacking in social skills and my friend made this the focus of reception year. The teachers soon worked out his level and made appropriate changes in the classroom to keep him occupied without making him seem different. That said though, like I said this wasn't taught, he's just exceptional academically.

My son isn't especially academically gifted, we've worked very hard to get to where we've got to but he's pleased with his achievements and keen to learn.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

Just food for thought, and I know you have his best interests at heart but You should consider if he is too young for what you are trying to achieve at the moment. Consider the Scandinavian system where children don't even start school until aged 6 and prior to this its all about socialising and learning through play. The Scandinavian system is widely considered one of the most effective educational systems there is. My friend is Norwegian and had 2 boys (y3 twins) and I can remember she was horrified about them being given traditional academic learning as young as they did.

Like you we worry about miniOCC growing up, he really is the centre of our lives. He is 7 next month and I just can't think where those last 7 years have gone. I wish I could freeze in time at almost every age. Don't be ashamed of that, its just loving your son. What would be a bit unhealthy IF (I'm not saying you do this) you are stoping/putting barriers for your son having his own life and develop his own personality because of it.

I don't think you can start to form good habits too young. I also place high importance on my son gaining a good grounding in a wide range of academic subjects. Certainly not trying to stop him from self development, if anything I think studying a wide range of subjects when he is young will help him to make sound decisions about what he really likes when he is older.

7roland8 wrote: »

Gosh Alex - how sweet of you to remember something I said months ago! Thats made my day:)

We used to play 'schools' before they started school too - but in a fun way. You cannot really expect the class to be doing much at this stage as they are all settling in - so getting your son to expect something and then it not happening is setting him up for disappointment - just tell him to have fun at playtimes etc and enjoy himself.

I think the other way round to you - I think socialising is the most important part - and education is what can come after.

Like you I would want a child to not spend all his time on a computer - but the way things are taught these days its handicapping him if he is not up to speed with the technology - whatever your opinions - its a fact of life you have to accept.

Just like with TV - I know back in the 60s we only had one channel while others had more and were discussing programmes I could not watch. At a young age things like that are important if you are to fit in.

Roland, glad to have made your day! Your comment stayed with me and made me reevaluate what good parenting is, thank you.

Also thank you for your advice, it makes a lot of sense.

Today has been awful. Mrs K ended up taking him to school alone because I knew if I went I'd make things even worse, so she told him I wasn't well ... Daddy's got a massive hangover was more the truth. After my wife went to my parents who now know what a state I'm in and dragged me to the doctors this afternoon I'm quite ashamed of my behaviour. I know I've got to get through this, even if I don't really know how. It's not helping what is a challenging time for my son and realising Mrs K is prepared to stay with me and help through the times when I'm not in a good place makes me really guilty.

No chance of me managing to earn some money at the moment apart from music teaching as I feel worse for turning them away. Can't really see how I will reach my target if I'm like this for much longer, either.