Renovations and Repayments.

smallholdingsister

Oh my goodness have we all made mistakes!

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Another vote for an Alexappearance on t'other thread.

I hadn't realised you were on the other thread, until I posted there last night.

Watty1 wrote: »

Or to put it another way, seeing the lives there makes me realise how much I have to value going forwards. You can't change the past and yep you screwed up. So did I. I bet lots of us did. But you can change going forwards. You learnt from your screw ups. You've just admitted here on this thread that you didn't end up in jail, arrested but I think so long as you didn't actually kill anyone the rest is all pretty fixable. (Thought about 12 steps?)

Well, I've told them I'm going back and have a few more paying pupils again this year. Must be doing something right if some of them want to pay to learn an instrument. Still going to be doing the volunteer bits but will now have to go in for two afternoons due to my son's lunch arrangements at school.

Looking to the future is hard for me. Always has been, even when I was a schoolboy it was difficult though I'm not really sure why. Now is worse than ever as I cannot see what I've got to look forward to.

Never attempted to kill anyone other than myself; my previous screw ups are mainly to do with treating my parents like a chequebook and not being tolerant of others. I know I can change and have but my past haunts me. Not been enough of an alcoholic to need to do the 12 steps and give it up entirely. Today has been especially bad, could not face the day until this afternoon and done nothing with my day other than to sort out work for next week. Tried to find some motivation to prep a few things for sale in the hope of boosting the savings but got nowhere with that. Mrs K has done an art project with son, a few hours ago I was sat in the study feeling inexplicably envious but unable to join them lest I made a mess of it.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Oh my goodness have we all made mistakes!

Some just make more than others.

AlexLK

Maman: Remember telling me not to worry about Commie Corbyn ... well he's passed the first hurdle and is apparently aiming to fight the 2020 election. :eek:

Watty1

AlexLK wrote: »

my previous screw ups are mainly to do with treating my parents like a chequebook.

I don't want to appear to minimise this Alex but they permitted that. However much you justify their actions, they are adults too. They could have set boundaries, refused to accept that behaviour or whatever. It was a dance that both you and your parents were involved in.

AlexLK wrote: »

and not being tolerant of others..

And you have said you have changed that.


Lord if they were only my errors I figure my life might be a litte easier at times

newgirly

Alex I really feel for you and I'm not sure what anyone can say to make you feel better. You are letting the past weigh you down, and only you can stop that happening. You may end up teaching and it may be the case that its too much for you to cope with. Your ds will not care either way, you cannot control what he or your parents will think of you. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and you should not put pressure on yourself to be one. Mini Alex needs a happy mum and Dad, food and a home.

Focus on that, and the things you can do today to make your life better, not next week or year.Keep things simple,walks with the dog , making a nice dinner for the family etc. Build it up one day at a time.

This may be a rather odd comment but I'm throwing it in anyway, dh and I went through some very tough times many years ago losing our first daughter, I also lost my job at the same time. And those days I really could'nt face doing much, I watched tv. It felt like a bit of comfort in what was a very quiet flat. Sometimes getting engrossed in a good story or film can make a great distraction and lift your mood.:)

Anyway I hope you have a good weekend.

edinburgher

AlexLK wrote: »

Maman: Remember telling me not to worry about Commie Corbyn ... well he's passed the first hurdle and is apparently aiming to fight the 2020 election. :eek:

Calm down dear, he'll be 120 by the 2020 election

Ps. Does the other thread relate to keeping our alcoholic intake in check? I think I could visit that for weight loss reasons if nothing else!

smallholdingsister

Yes it does, Ed. Come on over.

I am crucified that Corbyn won, but not because of his politics.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Maman: Remember telling me not to worry about Commie Corbyn ... well he's passed the first hurdle and is apparently aiming to fight the 2020 election. :eek:

I do remember and I'm still not worried. I can't see him making it to the next General Election at this point but if, in opposition, he shames the Tories into being more compassionate and less selfish and demonstrates that the average voter is fed up with patronising pre-prepared sound bites then his leadership will have served some purpose.

AlexLK wrote: »

Mrs K has done an art project with son, a few hours ago I was sat in the study feeling inexplicably envious but unable to join them lest I made a mess of it.

What on earth was this art project that you could have messed it up? Surely you've learned to colour between the lines by your age?;)


Missed opportunity with the volunteering Alex. I think you should have said to LittleK 'Daddy's at school all day on xxx so we'll both have to stay to lunch'.


It seems that however much we tell you to forgive yourself and move on you really can't so professional help is needed. What was the outcome of being 'dragged off to the doctor' last week?

AlexLK

Watty1 wrote: »

I don't want to appear to minimise this Alex but they permitted that. However much you justify their actions, they are adults too. They could have set boundaries, refused to accept that behaviour or whatever. It was a dance that both you and your parents were involved in.

And you have said you have changed that.

Lord if they were only my errors I figure my life might be a litte easier at times

I understand where you are coming from though I know had I been more responsible I wouldn't be in the position I am in now and likely wouldn't have screwed up a chance of doing something in my own right. The real problem is the fact I can't move on from the past, have failed and dread the future because I'm convinced I now cannot succeed.

newgirly wrote: »

Alex I really feel for you and I'm not sure what anyone can say to make you feel better. You are letting the past weigh you down, and only you can stop that happening. You may end up teaching and it may be the case that its too much for you to cope with. Your ds will not care either way, you cannot control what he or your parents will think of you. There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and you should not put pressure on yourself to be one. Mini Alex needs a happy mum and Dad, food and a home.

Focus on that, and the things you can do today to make your life better, not next week or year.Keep things simple,walks with the dog , making a nice dinner for the family etc. Build it up one day at a time.

This may be a rather odd comment but I'm throwing it in anyway, dh and I went through some very tough times many years ago losing our first daughter, I also lost my job at the same time. And those days I really could'nt face doing much, I watched tv. It felt like a bit of comfort in what was a very quiet flat. Sometimes getting engrossed in a good story or film can make a great distraction and lift your mood.:)

Anyway I hope you have a good weekend.

Thank you, NG. Ultimately, I know you're right. However much I wish I could, I know I can't change the past or know what the future holds or control other people. Being a good father to my son is one of the only things I haven't entirely screwed up at, so I put myself under a lot of pressure to give him a childhood that I never had. I don't want to let him down. Sometimes the responsibility seems all too much and I wonder if I'm screwing his life up too.

Had a good day with son today, we went to a park this afternoon. Also got some music done and baked some cheese scones which we'll all be eating for lunch tomorrow. He loves cooking but leaves Mrs K and I to clear the inevitable mess up. Tomorrow he knows is a school day and Mrs K is back to work.

Not an odd comment at all. I often play records and mindlessly listen when I can't face doing anything else. Yesterday evening I watched a film on the computer which is a very rare occurrence and enjoyed it. So, I know what you mean about getting lost in a good story.

newgirly

Glad you had a good weekend.