Renovations and Repayments.

Debsnewbudget

Alex you have a lot going on at the moment and with it is a lot of change. Change is unsettling, so Little K going to school is a massive change to your life (as well as his) and the affect on your mental health cannot be underestimated.
In addition you are giving up your job and taking over from mum and dad. This change carries with it so many feelings on so many levels, from just learning the job to living up to your perceived standards of your parents.
All I will say is try to be kind to yourself.
Your parents believe in you
Little K adores you
Mrs K is stepping up to the plate
Please recognise that all this change will unsettle you and roll with it until you get through.
Take care Alex

newgirly

What debsnewbudget said ^

edinburgher

Alex, if you're drinking because you're depressed, you need to stop.

Is Mrs K around in the evenings so that the two of you can sit and chat or similar to distract you from current anxiety around your son starting school?

AlexLK

Debsnewbudget wrote: »

Alex you have a lot going on at the moment and with it is a lot of change. Change is unsettling, so Little K going to school is a massive change to your life (as well as his) and the affect on your mental health cannot be underestimated.
In addition you are giving up your job and taking over from mum and dad. This change carries with it so many feelings on so many levels, from just learning the job to living up to your perceived standards of your parents.
All I will say is try to be kind to yourself.
Your parents believe in you
Little K adores you
Mrs K is stepping up to the plate
Please recognise that all this change will unsettle you and roll with it until you get through.
Take care Alex

newgirly wrote: »

What debsnewbudget said ^

Change being unsettling makes a lot of sense to me. When I went to the teaching open day, I was really interested but ended up having an anxiety attack over the idea of a complete change to my life and believing the course would be too much for me to cope with.

Today I was reading a blog about depression ... yes, you know it's bad when you do that hoping someone has the answer or if not the answer, at least knowing you're not the only one... . He said someone (I forget whom) had told him that it's irrational self hatred and the way to get better was to become more positive about yourself. In my case, I don't think it's irrational, so if that theory is correct I have no foundation to build on.

I doubt my parents would pass anything on to me had they another child and I very much doubt they 'believe in me'. However, I cannot blame them.

Son had an OK day at school. He didn't want to go back after lunch today and asked if he could just do two days at school per week (like nursery)! :rotfl: Mrs K is back at work next week and I'm dreading being on my own whilst my son is at school.

edinburgher wrote: »

Alex, if you're drinking because you're depressed, you need to stop.

Is Mrs K around in the evenings so that the two of you can sit and chat or similar to distract you from current anxiety around your son starting school?

I've stopped, nothing stronger than a cup of tea for me today.

My wife is an early to bed, early to rise person. Generally, I think she likes to avoid me but we had a nice evening tonight as she decided she wanted to play some jazz standards together. Think she only wanted to do that to occupy my mind, though.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

In my case, I don't think it's irrational, so if that theory is correct I have no foundation to build on.

I've stopped, nothing stronger than a cup of tea for me today.

Think she only wanted to do that to occupy my mind, though.

Had to laugh about LittleK wanting to go to school only two days a week. It reminded me of the joke about a parent saying 'you'll have to go to school one day' and I did one day and now I have to go back!! This is all a learning experience for you both.


Oh Alex, why can't you see yourself as we see you. Obviously I don't know what dire and dreadful things you did in your youth but as you weren't arrested or imprisoned or splashed across the tabloids (at least I don't think you were;)) I really think your feelings are irrational. It's gone, in the past, a dead parrot!! This is a different phase of your life. You're now a married, debt free, qualified and skilled father not an irresponsible youth. If you can't see that for yourself then that's the bit you need professional help with.


:T on the cups of tea. Do call by on the other thread if that helps. It does me:).


Good that MrsK is recognising that you've had a hard week and trying to support you. Do try and meet her half way and do something as a family over the weekend. Then make a plan for how to spend next week. What about talking to your mother about the BTLs?

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Had to laugh about LittleK wanting to go to school only two days a week. It reminded me of the joke about a parent saying 'you'll have to go to school one day' and I did one day and now I have to go back!! This is all a learning experience for you both.

:rotfl:

My wife told him he will do 5 days per week at school like Mummy does 5 days per week at work and he didn't seem very impressed! She's been really good with him this week and seems a lot happier with the idea of being a mother now he's at school (not that happy she's prepared to have another though ). Hope it lasts, even if I'm a little envious she's won the parenting game this week.

maman wrote: »

Oh Alex, why can't you see yourself as we see you. Obviously I don't know what dire and dreadful things you did in your youth but as you weren't arrested or imprisoned or splashed across the tabloids (at least I don't think you were;)) I really think your feelings are irrational. It's gone, in the past, a dead parrot!! This is a different phase of your life. You're now a married, debt free, qualified and skilled father not an irresponsible youth. If you can't see that for yourself then that's the bit you need professional help with.


:T on the cups of tea. Do call by on the other thread if that helps. It does me:).


Good that MrsK is recognising that you've had a hard week and trying to support you. Do try and meet her half way and do something as a family over the weekend. Then make a plan for how to spend next week. What about talking to your mother about the BTLs?

No I've not been arrested / imprisoned or in the tabloids; my life isn't so interesting that The Sun wanted to take photographs of my drunken escapades. Everyone tells me I need to get over the past but I can't see beyond the failure I made myself into. I've always managed to screw everything up somehow.

I keep meaning to call by the other thread. My problem is not keeping to 'checking in' and then forgetting where I am with the target. I then feel I've let people down because I've not kept count.

Don't really know how my wife puts up with me, to be honest. I know she's not perfect but I know I wouldn't want to be dealing with me on a daily basis. Not even thought about this weekend yet. As for next week, I have got to do some things for my parents. Also thinking about returning to my voluntary job as I'm letting down others again.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl:
I keep meaning to call by the other thread. My problem is not keeping to 'checking in' and then forgetting where I am with the target. I then feel I've let people down because I've not kept count.

Not even thought about this weekend yet.

Nobody gets let down on the other thread. Just post 'one more than before' and it'll be fine:).


You've waited all week to spend time with LittleK, do something with him this weekend even if it's just chillax (ghastly term that I learned from Dave);).


Great idea about going back to school volunteering. I'm sure they're missing your help and input and getting back into routine will be good for you.

AlexLK

You're right about the other thread.

Do need to try to get myself together enough to spend some time with my son this weekend. If 'Dave' really did say 'chillax', I think I need to sort myself out and run for PM ... Honestly, I find it rather distasteful for our PM to seem so desperate to 'fit in' with what he'd describe as the 'hard working families' of Britain.

At the volunteer school I never think I've done enough, some of the kids there have lives that I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy. When I realise they get through having no money and parents who hardly seem to care, I suppose I end up thinking about what a spoiled waste of space I am. That said, there's nothing like it when the lightbulb switches on. This probably sounds selfish but I get a lot of personal satisfaction from teaching, it's an amazing feeling to know someone managed to gain knowledge from a lesson I've devised.

smallholdingsister

Another vote for an Alexappearance on t'other thread.

Watty1

AlexLK wrote: »

At the volunteer school I never think I've done enough, some of the kids there have lives that I wouldn't wish on my own worst enemy. When I realise they get through having no money and parents who hardly seem to care, I suppose I end up thinking about what a spoiled waste of space I am. .

Or to put it another way, seeing the lives there makes me realise how much I have to value going forwards. You can't change the past and yep you screwed up. So did I. I bet lots of us did. But you can change going forwards. You learnt from your screw ups. You've just admitted here on this thread that you didn't end up in jail, arrested but I think so long as you didn't actually kill anyone the rest is all pretty fixable. (Thought about 12 steps?)