Renovations and Repayments.

Red-Squirrel_2

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you, Red Squirrel. It is very difficult, isn't it?

My parents will be devastated if I suggest they go to a restaurant or spent the day with people they didn't know. However, I can see your point of view re. it being difficult for my wife and her family. I have not told my wife going to her parents for Christmas will never happen, though.

You wouldn't need to be suggesting anything, they are grown adults they can decide for themselves what they do on Christmas Day. What they don't have a right to decide though is what you, your family and your in-laws do!

I hadn't realised you were still planning to see your parents every morning once you start the PGCE, and I'm shocked to be honest. It won't be at all realistic or sustainable once you are teaching, best to put a stop to it from day one and be clear about it.

Red-Squirrel_2

Hope everything's ok and you and MrsK have been able to have a proper talk. xx

heartbreak_star

Grr! I have no issues at all with MrsK wanting to better her career (I've recently done the same), but how DARE she belittle what you want to do? Teaching is so important and I admire you for biting the bullet and doing it.

Much love and many positive thoughts to you!

HBS x

smallholdingsister

Oh dear are there arguments about Christmas already?

AlexLK

Sorry I haven't responded. I started writing a response and realised rather than writing my thoughts down never to be discussed (with Mrs K) again, I needed to have a conversation concerning quite a few matters. So, I've not been on the internet for a few days at all. Mainly been out with my son and the dogs working out what I'm going to say when my wife gets home. :rotfl:

On an entirely different note, the finances are not taking too much of a battering this summer. Rather pleased about that and have managed to stay up to date with record keeping and have also sorted out a room that needed de-cluttering. The room happens to be my son's and we decided that we'd give a lot of his old things away to families that don't have much rather than sell on ebay. It was much more difficult for me to move things on than I thought it would be, though.

Not sure if anyone saw 'No More Boys and Girls' on BBC2 tonight? My wife and I watched it as I thought it could perhaps be good professionally. Mrs K found it really upsetting and happened to say at the end of the programme that she thinks she'd be a "good mum" to a girl. She really wanted a girl when she was pregnant and didn't wish to find out. With hindsight I think she didn't want to spend the rest of the pregnancy disappointed.

AlexLK

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

We're still away (just have decent broadband in the Villa!) We have not eaten out for this leg of the "road-trip" as we have no choice while travelling and staying in hotels, so quieter evenings I had time to catch up on some diaries. It doesn't quite hit the diary for "things I did on my holidays" but it keeps me happy.

Not so good - Lots of nippy things this year and some horrendous storms in the mountains (a pleasure boat turned over on the Lake on Sunday and someone was lost overboard)

Good things - lots of lovely sun and relaxation too. Time to reflect. Life is good. Debts are manageable, no need to panic, that sort of thing. Holidays kind of give you back your sense of perspective !

Holiday sounds positive in general, SL.

I wish I could say the same things about holidays giving perspective :rotfl:; for me this coming one is turning into a self-made guilt trip as I don't really want to do much but feel I need to give my son as many opportunities to do things that don't involve sitting on a beach as possible.

maman wrote: »

:mad::mad::mad: I think you've more than supported your wife in her career. By many people's standards she leads a charmed life seeming to have almost no domestic/childcare responsibilities at all so she can focus on her career. Even her job doesn't seem as pressured or time consuming as many. Her views are positively archaic and incredibly selfish.

Although I don't think you should have to plan all the childcare for LittleK the fact that you have means you will be able to manage without MrsK's support but that doesn't make it right.

Your parents/mother are being similarly selfish. I think it's amazing that you're embarking on a new career whereas your immediate family seem more intent on pouring cold water or putting obstacle in the way etc etc. Be strong!!:T

Somehow I can't imagine Alex doing raucous :eek::rotfl:

Now you've explained that MrsK doesn't really get on with her sister then perhaps going Boxing Day is a better idea after all.:)

Don't know if you saw these articles Alex?

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/the-government-is-stifling-the-creativity-we-desperately-need-dnjlxplgp

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/choir-joys-lhq96k5nm

I don't know who wrote the second one but seems to have missed what's happening in schools.

Thanks, maman.

My wife thought I was being archaic! Now she realises my concerns are much more about her being away and why that particular job (there are opportunities much more local).

Unfortunately, my parents are not really coping very well. Father seems to be reviewing his life and trying to make sense of his regrets and mother cannot deal with that.

Quite surprised I haven't mentioned Mrs K's sister before now. :rotfl: However, we've found out the only people confirmed at my in-laws for Christmas are my brother-in-law and his family. Her sister appears to be playing "happy families" for the moment.

Seen the first article.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

If your wife wishes to take a step further in her career, I think that is just as deserving of respect and support as you wishing to take a PGCE and become a teacher. You both have a right to a fulfilling work life. What it will need is for you both to be able to calmly discuss the practicalities without it turning into an argument. It was wrong for her to belittle your teaching, but I'm afraid I think it was also wrong for you to be 'not pleased' that she's got an interview for a promotion.

Maybe she didn't tell you about applying because if she wasn't shortlisted there'd be no point getting into it? She's told you now that there's a good possibility of it happening.

Completely understand about not putting pictures of your home on here, don't worry at all!

I realised that was what we needed.

AlexLK

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

You wouldn't need to be suggesting anything, they are grown adults they can decide for themselves what they do on Christmas Day. What they don't have a right to decide though is what you, your family and your in-laws do!

I hadn't realised you were still planning to see your parents every morning once you start the PGCE, and I'm shocked to be honest. It won't be at all realistic or sustainable once you are teaching, best to put a stop to it from day one and be clear about it.

Things are difficult at the moment with my parents. I don't want them to be alone at Christmas and know they would find it upsetting. Especially my father as the regrets he's had re. family are at the forefront of his mind a lot at the moment. I know my father has found parenting difficult but I don't think he deserves to be making himself ill on Christmas day.

Re. mornings, my wife thinks it needs to stop too and so do I.

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Hope everything's ok and you and MrsK have been able to have a proper talk. xx

Thank you and yes we have.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Grr! I have no issues at all with MrsK wanting to better her career (I've recently done the same), but how DARE she belittle what you want to do? Teaching is so important and I admire you for biting the bullet and doing it.

Much love and many positive thoughts to you!

HBS x

Thank you, HBS.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Oh dear are there arguments about Christmas already?

:rotfl: Not descended into arguments yet!

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl: Not descended into arguments yet!

"Serious discussions"? :rotfl:

I'm so glad you and MrsK managed to have a talk. You seem to be communicating much better now.

Funny 'un regarding kids - my mum said she would have been disappointed if I had been a boy. So your wife is not alone.

HBS x

amanda_p

Christmas.......it really does send everyone into overdrive. I have two sons, one lives and works in Hong Kong the other a doctor in a London Hospital. Whilst it is lovely to have them both home for Christmas logistically it is not often possible. They are both married as well. The doctor is lucky if he can get any time off over Christmas and if he does I really don't mind where he spends it. The HK son was home for Christmas in 2015, but not 2016 and not this year either. This is due to a job move and the fact we have already seen him twice this year.
Does this matter.... no. I have friends that have 4 grown up sons and from when the friends were first married one year her parents, the next year his parents and so the cycle goes on.
Last year it was just my husband and I and it was absolutely fine, I didn't have to rush around being 'mum' and give the service all that entails. We have always said to both of them, you live your lives however you wish , we don't expect you here every Christmas without fail and don't feel you have to do the her parents, your parents bit. The doctor son is under enough stress and long hours without us, his parents, bleating that we must see you at Christmas, all that does is add to his stress levels.
It should be a time of goodwill, as long as my two are happy somewhere in the world that is fine by me. There is WhatsApp and Skype to keep in touch they do not have to be physically here. So many disputes and arguments over one day out of 365!
Alex please don't go to see your parents every morning, whatever they say or you perceive them to feel. As a parent this is totally unreasonable. Put a stop to it before it starts.