Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Don't put off spending time with your son (or dog). Enjoy it while you can and hopefully with Mrs K as well over the weekend.

Why would it be difficult to see the in-laws over Christmas?

We've had a really good Saturday. Not overly productive but we have managed to sell the car we had been meaning to sell. It means the 0% balance is now cleared. :j Rather relieved, to be honest.

After that was out of the way we've been out all day as the weather has been fairly good up here. Enjoying it whilst we can.

We will be able to see them over the Christmas period but they were talking about Christmas day.

kelpie35 wrote: »

The time you spend with your son is very valuable. Try to include your wife too. It will help with your wife bonding more with your son.

Here is a suggestion.......How would it be if your wife and son did something together over the weekend, it would then free up time for you to sort the stuff you need to sell. You could explain to your son that you need to do this to help you all as a family.

I think that spending Christmas with the in-laws would be excellent for you as a family. It would show them that you are a "changed" person for the better.

It would also allow your wife and son to see you as a whole family. I know you panic a bit in their company, but they have surely seen for themselves you are a loving husband and father and they want to enjoy the company of you all.

Have a good weekend whatever you do.

Take care

Thanks, Kelpie.

We did things together yesterday and will today. I've had an awful night's sleep so may see if Mrs. K. wants to try leading an activity with our son later.

If we were to spend Christmas day with my in-laws, my parents would be alone for the day. In-laws have a busy Christmas every year with their children and grandchildren.

newgirly wrote: »

Xmas negotiations often start early in our house Alex, August is fairly late :rotfl:

Can you see both sets of parents? Yours in the morning for a nice breakfast and the rest of the day at the Inlaws?

What would littlek like to do most of all? It's always a minefield and you can't please everyone!

:eek:

We used to drive over to the in-laws in the evening which meant we were always on our guard re. time and my wife and I couldn't have a drink.

I haven't asked my son.

AlexLK

August Targets:

Summer holiday plans: 1. Trip to R.W. 2. Holiday. 3. Agricultural shows x 3.
Debts: Pay £1,000 (/ £3,000 to pay)Paid £3,000, sold the car we no longer wanted and IT'S GONE.
Total Grocery Spend: £50 / £400.
Keeping organised: 1. Electronically. 2. Paper diary. 3. Payments / invoices. 4. Teaching / course. 5. General business. This month I want to get all systems in place so they just need updating / tweaking.
Spreadsheets / Money tracking: 1. July - bring up to date. Done. :money: 2. Deal with every week in August.
De-clutter and Sell: 1. 2x watches, 1x car. 2. Go through one room and set things aside that need to go.Need to get on with this.
Books read for pleasure: / 3.
Prep tasks for course: / 2.

Karmacat

Hi Alex, sounds like things are moving in a good way (except for hurtful comments from your mum I used to get that myself - a corker, from only about ten years ago, was that my friends were lying when they said I looked good in a particular dress). Hey ho.

Christmas is tricky too - I've seen a lot of people, over the years, writing about rushing about taking their children to be paraded at grandparents - but then making the very reasonable point that Christmas is nowadays supposed to be focussed on children, and spending hours in a car most days isn't the best thing in the world ... don't have any knowledge, or advice, it just seems hard on children sometimes. Running about in a park or a beach dodging little waves would be nicer

I bet Spain is wonderful!

kelpie35

We've had a really good Saturday. Not overly productive but we have managed to sell the car we had been meaning to sell. It means the 0% balance is now cleared. Rather relieved, to be honest.

Well done Alex, I knew you could do it.

If we were to spend Christmas day with my in-laws, my parents would be alone for the day. In-laws have a busy Christmas every year with their children and grandchildren.

How many Christmases have you spent with your parent?

I think it would be nice for you to spend a day with the in-laws at this special time.

Your son is their grandchild too.

I think you should say to your parents that we have had Christmas with you for X number of years and feel it is only fair we spend it this year with my wife's parents. How about suggesting to your parents they come to you on boxing day.

EatingTheElephant

Well done on clearing the debt so quickly Alex.

We've started thinking about Christmas plans already too. It will soon sneak up on us.

maman

:T so now the bathroom's paid for you can enjoy it even more.:D
What's next on the list of home improvements?;)


Alex, I realise it's hard to think of leaving your parents on Christmas Day but don't dismiss how your in-laws might feel or your wife.


My situation isn't the same but there are similarities. My youngest (grown up) daughter used to come to us for Christmas but stopped some years ago. It's because her MIL is very needy (without going into details she has put herself into this situation by making bad choices) so my DD thinks she needs to invite her every year to give her a good time otherwise she would be alone and also probably couldn't afford all the goodies. She does this because she knows that not only do we have our eldest DD visiting but even if she didn't (I think this year she's planning to go to NYC for Christmas) my husband and I (sounds positively regal:D) would be fine alone or we could go away or meet up with friends. So it's as if because we're strong and sociable and cope fine we're expected to get on with it while she rushes around helping people who've put themselves in this situation.


Part of me is proud that we've brought up a compassionate, caring girl and that she knows we're strong and capable but it still hurts although I'd never tell her that.


I know it's not the same as you're an only child but it's not your fault that your parents are needy. If they had friends they'd probably be off on a cruise or staying at a smart hotel or just unselfish enough to wish you well and realise that MrsK's family should have a 'turn' or that maybe you'd just like to be alone with your own immediate family. A Christmas lunch picnic would be good.:D

AlexLK

Karmacat wrote: »

Hi Alex, sounds like things are moving in a good way (except for hurtful comments from your mum I used to get that myself - a corker, from only about ten years ago, was that my friends were lying when they said I looked good in a particular dress). Hey ho.

Christmas is tricky too - I've seen a lot of people, over the years, writing about rushing about taking their children to be paraded at grandparents - but then making the very reasonable point that Christmas is nowadays supposed to be focussed on children, and spending hours in a car most days isn't the best thing in the world ... don't have any knowledge, or advice, it just seems hard on children sometimes. Running about in a park or a beach dodging little waves would be nicer

I bet Spain is wonderful!

Hi Karmacat ,

Things are generally going well. My mother can be a awful at times.

Your potential Christmas plans sound attractive. Currently wondering if we should perhaps make use of the Spanish apartment then.

Hopefully so, it's very hot at the moment over there, so I'm hoping it will cool a little.

kelpie35 wrote: »

We've had a really good Saturday. Not overly productive but we have managed to sell the car we had been meaning to sell. It means the 0% balance is now cleared. Rather relieved, to be honest.

Well done Alex, I knew you could do it.

If we were to spend Christmas day with my in-laws, my parents would be alone for the day. In-laws have a busy Christmas every year with their children and grandchildren.

How many Christmases have you spent with your parent?

I think it would be nice for you to spend a day with the in-laws at this special time.

Your son is their grandchild too.

I think you should say to your parents that we have had Christmas with you for X number of years and feel it is only fair we spend it this year with my wife's parents. How about suggesting to your parents they come to you on boxing day.

Thank you, kelpie.

I'm pleased it's cleared.

I really don't want to leave my parents on their own.

EatingTheElephant wrote: »

Well done on clearing the debt so quickly Alex.

We've started thinking about Christmas plans already too. It will soon sneak up on us.

Thank you, eating the elephant.

I have a busy autumn so I doubt it will feel like long. I enjoy Christmas for my son but am not really a fan myself and this feels like an additional stress.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

:T so now the bathroom's paid for you can enjoy it even more.:D
What's next on the list of home improvements?;)

Yes, did you start yours? I think I still haven't got around to posting links etc. Will find time to make an update over the next week, hopefully as this one looks a bit quieter.

We are considering doing some work to the kitchen- a bit of a refresh rather than a total renovation as well as clearing all other rooms and refreshing those but that'll just happen over time.

maman wrote: »

Alex, I realise it's hard to think of leaving your parents on Christmas Day but don't dismiss how your in-laws might feel or your wife.

My situation isn't the same but there are similarities. My youngest (grown up) daughter used to come to us for Christmas but stopped some years ago. It's because her MIL is very needy (without going into details she has put herself into this situation by making bad choices) so my DD thinks she needs to invite her every year to give her a good time otherwise she would be alone and also probably couldn't afford all the goodies. She does this because she knows that not only do we have our eldest DD visiting but even if she didn't (I think this year she's planning to go to NYC for Christmas) my husband and I (sounds positively regal:D) would be fine alone or we could go away or meet up with friends. So it's as if because we're strong and sociable and cope fine we're expected to get on with it while she rushes around helping people who've put themselves in this situation.

Part of me is proud that we've brought up a compassionate, caring girl and that she knows we're strong and capable but it still hurts although I'd never tell her that.

I know it's not the same as you're an only child but it's not your fault that your parents are needy. If they had friends they'd probably be off on a cruise or staying at a smart hotel or just unselfish enough to wish you well and realise that MrsK's family should have a 'turn' or that maybe you'd just like to be alone with your own immediate family. A Christmas lunch picnic would be good.:D

I do understand that my son is their grandchild and they'd like to see him. They are very good with him and my son really enjoys time spent with them.

It is very hard to think about leaving my parents on their own. Only the other day my father told me about places around the world he'd like to visit. When I suggest they make a list and go on some holidays his response is "oh, we can't do that". At the moment I go to see them every morning and they want to know what time I'm going to be there in September as they realise it will be earlier. This likely sounds awful but it's a bit of a blessing when they do go on holiday.

AlexLK

Feeling rather productive today.

My son is with my cousin for most of the day doing horsey things. This means I have a chance to get some things up for sale as the motivation seems to be back. Mrs. K. has said she thinks she needs to "step up" after we were talking about our son last night and I told her our son has said on more than one occasion he wishes my cousin was his mummy. :eek: Yes, it sounds so very wrong from an adult point of view. :rotfl:

Going to sell what I want to sell (or at least get it up for sale) before buying anything else to try to make a profit on.

Also spoke to Mrs. K. about Christmas (something else that feels quite wrong at this time of year ). She said she'd like to see her parents and they would like to see us. As mentioned previously, they have all their children / grandchildren in a tiny house. I spoke to my parents this morning and they said they would have lunch in another room if we were to have Christmas at their house, so I'm going to see if the in-laws would agree to that and try to make more of an occasion of it.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Feeling rather productive today.

My son is with my cousin for most of the day doing horsey things. This means I have a chance to get some things up for sale as the motivation seems to be back. Mrs. K. has said she thinks she needs to "step up" after we were talking about our son last night and I told her our son has said on more than one occasion he wishes my cousin was his mummy. :eek: Yes, it sounds so very wrong from an adult point of view. :rotfl:

Going to sell what I want to sell (or at least get it up for sale) before buying anything else to try to make a profit on.

Also spoke to Mrs. K. about Christmas (something else that feels quite wrong at this time of year ). She said she'd like to see her parents and they would like to see us. As mentioned previously, they have all their children / grandchildren in a tiny house. I spoke to my parents this morning and they said they would have lunch in another room if we were to have Christmas at their house, so I'm going to see if the in-laws would agree to that and try to make more of an occasion of it.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling productive and seem to be tackling all the issues head on.


Slightly tongue in cheek Alex, but what do they mean by having lunch in another room? Are they planning to invite all MrsK's family and open up the banqueting hall or make them eat in the servants quarters while they eat in another room.


LittleK's comment about your cousin does seem a bit sad but it's understandable. I'm glad MrsK took it on board.


He probably just means a bit more hands on but he'll also know (even unconsciously) that his mother sometimes keeps him at arm's length. I thought it strange at the weekend when you said you'd hope MrsK would take the lead in a project. I know you didn't mean it literally but your son isn't a project and MrsK needs to learn to just 'be' with him even if it helps to have an activity to focus on to help her learn. This is essential, not just for LittleK's wellbeing but to share the parenting with you. From September you won't be the SAHD any more and that has to be recognised or you'll wear yourself out.


I have similar concerns about you visiting your parents before school every day. What if they upset you/have a crisis? That's not going to be a good start to your day.


Sorry, this sounds like a lecture.:o