Renovations and Repayments.

maman

I don't know kelpie's reasoning but I think MrsK should take what I'd call a high profile rather than control as such. My reasoning would be that LittleK needs to see both parents with equal status and 'singing from the same hymnsheet'. If you gave up/moved your Friday pupils that would be giving in to him and doing him no favours.

kelpie35

If you don't mind me asking why do you think my wife needs to take more control?

Control, maybe was not the correct word to use.

As Maman has said your son needs to see you and your wife singing from the same hymn sheet.

Can I ask, what did your wife say to LK when he spoke in such a disrespectful about her.

Forgive me if i am being harsh but your son is coming across as a spoilt little brat and it needs to be nipped in the bud NOW. I know he is only 5 years of age but that is not acceptable behaviour for any child.

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

I am so afraid of the potential of my son growing up to suffer from (mental) health issues that I do absolutely everything within my power to make sure he is happy.

As I'm sure you know, external influences (can) have very little influence on one's mental health. On paper you can have everything, be super happy/content/fulfilled/etc, and you're still depressed (or suffering some other mental health issue).

I'm not saying you shouldn't hope for your son to be free of mental health issues, but that's all it can be...hope. Even if you make sure he never has a negative experience ever (and I don't know how you could do that), it's no guarantee that his brain chemistry won't create demons for himself. I hope it doesn't, but try not to put that much pressure on yourself...some things are out of our control.

FWIW, I don't think I would have been allowed to go riding after saying something like that, apology or no. Taking away riding would have been the consequence of my saying something that rude, and an apology would be par for the course in "things people just have to do" and not be tied to "and then you get to go have fun with horses anyway".

smallholdingsister

Alex you are being challenged a fair bit here and dealing with it in an adm8rably gallant way.

You could have avoided the name calling of Mrs K by telling Little K "We have decided" instead did you tell him his mother had decided?

He is very naturally trying a bit of "divide and rule".

As HS says good mental health does not result from having everything you want. The opposite is more likely I should think.

Little K needs to develop some resilience. This requires some small disappointments.

You know in dog training where it is bad for the dog to think they are pack leader because then they feel responsible for you and behave accordingly?

Same thing. Little K should not have the responsibility of equal weighting with adults because it will cause him stress and make him feel insecure in the longer term.

Cod psychology apart...most of the food in pubs is cooked by "ping" as my Mum calls it.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

I am so afraid of the potential of my son growing up to suffer from (mental) health issues that I do absolutely everything within my power to make sure he is happy.

And this will continue for how long exactly? What about when the girl he's attracted to isn't interested? Will you bribe her? When he can't get into his selected university? When he doesn't even get an interview for the job he wants? Building up resilience to life's knocks is what will make him a happy, well-balanced adult and dad not being able to take him to orchestra is a step in that direction.

By the way, you do realise it's normal for children to hate their parents on occasion don't you :rotfl:.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I don't know kelpie's reasoning but I think MrsK should take what I'd call a high profile rather than control as such. My reasoning would be that LittleK needs to see both parents with equal status and 'singing from the same hymnsheet'. If you gave up/moved your Friday pupils that would be giving in to him and doing him no favours.

I haven't undermined my wife and wouldn't. She told me after that she wouldn't have allowed him to go riding.

He does need to learn that sometimes we have to compromise, I just find that very difficult as a parent to follow through with.

kelpie35 wrote: »

If you don't mind me asking why do you think my wife needs to take more control?

Control, maybe was not the correct word to use.

As Maman has said your son needs to see you and your wife singing from the same hymn sheet.

Can I ask, what did your wife say to LK when he spoke in such a disrespectful about her.

Forgive me if i am being harsh but your son is coming across as a spoilt little brat and it needs to be nipped in the bud NOW. I know he is only 5 years of age but that is not acceptable behaviour for any child.

Thanks for explaining. My son is not a spoilt child at all, we spend very little money on him and he does not get everything he asks for.

My wife didn't really say anything other than to suggest he calmed down. She went into another room and left me to deal with it.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

As I'm sure you know, external influences (can) have very little influence on one's mental health. On paper you can have everything, be super happy/content/fulfilled/etc, and you're still depressed (or suffering some other mental health issue).

I'm not saying you shouldn't hope for your son to be free of mental health issues, but that's all it can be...hope. Even if you make sure he never has a negative experience ever (and I don't know how you could do that), it's no guarantee that his brain chemistry won't create demons for himself. I hope it doesn't, but try not to put that much pressure on yourself...some things are out of our control.

FWIW, I don't think I would have been allowed to go riding after saying something like that, apology or no. Taking away riding would have been the consequence of my saying something that rude, and an apology would be par for the course in "things people just have to do" and not be tied to "and then you get to go have fun with horses anyway".

Thanks, Hiddenshadow.

I know all kinds of things can potentially trigger mental health issues, things that are out of my control. I suppose I see in some ways he is similar to me and that greatly concerns me.

I thought taking away riding would be a little harsh, looking back I wouldn't accept such behaviour from anyone else.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex you are being challenged a fair bit here and dealing with it in an adm8rably gallant way.

You could have avoided the name calling of Mrs K by telling Little K "We have decided" instead did you tell him his mother had decided?

He is very naturally trying a bit of "divide and rule".

As HS says good mental health does not result from having everything you want. The opposite is more likely I should think.

Little K needs to develop some resilience. This requires some small disappointments.

You know in dog training where it is bad for the dog to think they are pack leader because then they feel responsible for you and behave accordingly?

Same thing. Little K should not have the responsibility of equal weighting with adults because it will cause him stress and make him feel insecure in the longer term.

Cod psychology apart...most of the food in pubs is cooked by "ping" as my Mum calls it.

Thank you, smallholding.

My wife just said that she will be taking him to orchestra, that was all it took. I do wonder if he's testing our boundaries as today he decided to make a fuss about school in front of my wife and parents. Pleasantly surprised that my father was really good with him and explained there's lots in life that we don't want to do but we need to do and whether we like it or not sometimes it's the best thing for us. Really hope my father has turned a corner, to be honest.

I understand re. the responsibilities. As far as I am aware I do not allow him to have responsibility of equal weighting.

When we do eat out it's at places that point out ingredients are locally sourced and are quite old fashioned, hopefully they do not microwave food.

gallygirl wrote: »

And this will continue for how long exactly? What about when the girl he's attracted to isn't interested? Will you bribe her? When he can't get into his selected university? When he doesn't even get an interview for the job he wants? Building up resilience to life's knocks is what will make him a happy, well-balanced adult and dad not being able to take him to orchestra is a step in that direction.

By the way, you do realise it's normal for children to hate their parents on occasion don't you :rotfl:.

Thanks, Gally.

My wife says it's completely unrealistic to make him happy all the time. I dread he won't be resilient enough to handle the harsh realities of life and will make himself ill one day when he is older, so try to make him as happy as possible. My wife and parents have already said he can't be running back to me to make everything better forever.

kelpie35

My son is not a spoilt child at all, we spend very little money on him and he does not get everything he asks for.

My wife didn't really say anything other than to suggest he calmed down. She went into another room and left me to deal with it.

I didn't mean being spoilt by having money spent on him.

I meant that he should really understand that it is not acceptable to speak to parents in that way and that you and your wife should stand firm.

Maybe your wife should have dealt with the incident rather than walk away, but sometimes it is easier said than done.

Pleased that your dad was able to offer advice to your son and maybe that will help your son to see that you are all singing from the same hymn sheet.

I hope your wife will have an enjoyable time with her son on the way to and from his orchestra practice.

smallholdingsister

Last night I put DS to bed and (as a delaying tactic) He wanted to do the story he had brought from school. I said we would do it tomorrow, and choose one of his tonight and he had a mahoosive tantrum. I told him he wasn't doing real crying and he stopped abruptly, told me he now understood what I meant and was completely fine - all in a few seconds.
He is the same age as Little K.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

My wife just said that she will be taking him to orchestra, that was all it took. I do wonder if he's testing our boundaries as today he decided to make a fuss about school in front of my wife and parents. Pleasantly surprised that my father was really good with him and explained there's lots in life that we don't want to do but we need to do and whether we like it or not sometimes it's the best thing for us. Really hope my father has turned a corner, to be honest.

When we do eat out it's at places that point out ingredients are locally sourced and are quite old fashioned, hopefully they do not microwave food.

Well done grandpa!!:T


Children testing boundaries is perfectly normal. It's how you deal with it that matters. It is difficult to follow through but you have to be consistent and try never to promise anything (good or bad) that you can't deliver on. It'll be the same with classes when you start teaching but X 35!!!


I think all establishments reheat things even if their own chef has cooked it in advance, how else do you imagine they get things like lamb shanks on the table in 15 minutes.


We have a local pub with a board outside advertising locally sourced ingredients.....from Asda, Tesco and Aldi!:rotfl:


P.S. Are you back to Sunday lunch at the big house every week?