Renovations and Repayments.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

As the PGCE course draws closer and I must start making decisions I wonder if it's the right time. I really want to do it but my son will only be in Year 2 when I start and I don't think he would cope too well with me being busy throughout school terms and having some work things to do during the holidays. At the moment he can get quite angry about me doing work; I had two music pupils this evening and he was absolutely livid that my wife took him to his orchestra.

All the more reason why you SHOULD do it now Alex. Much as your son would like the world to revolve around him, and you would like that also, one of the key lessons you need to teach as a parent is about obligations, compromises, boundaries, sharing etc. He is used to having your sole attention when he is there - that could explain why he struggles to feel comfortable in a classroom environment. He needs to learn the ways of the world and, harsh though it may be at times, it's a lesson best learned sooner rather than later.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

A lot of the time I do think it would be good to homeschool him; he doesn't really get on with other children and I think I could get him to make academic progress much quicker but my wife wouldn't be happy with me.

And you wouldn't be doing LittleK any favours either. I'm sure you're right and he probably could make faster academic progress but, although essential, academic skills are only one facet of making a rounded person. He needs to learn social skills and to take his place in the world and he can't learn those without being out in that world and practising.


I'd suggest you let your wife get involved with him as much as possible so there are no repeats of him being 'livid' because he hasn't got your sole attention. Gallygirl is so right. You and MrsK are the adults here, you call the shots.

smallholdingsister

Alex if you were a woman who had been the main carer so far, would you think it OK for her to put her career on hold in case it made her child "livid" to pursue it?

Maman makes a good point. You are making a rod for your own back if you accord your son that kind of power over you and foster an entitled attitude. It will hinder him socially and children feel very insecure if at least one of their parents cannot be seen as confidently in charge.

The PGCE is a tough year. Delay it if you can't commit. It is not something you can do half assed.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

Sorry Alex this will sound harsh but what why does your choice of career have anything to do with your very young son? he is a child, you are the adult, work is something that most of us have to do. If it's because you don't feel ready then that different.

He is not alone in not wanting to go back to school, as long as the reason is not bullying or anything else untoward, he will settle back in eventually. If he feels excluded from making friendships (or you think he is) then could you not include some of the thngs that the others are doing it. Tv or gaming? This will become way more of an issue as he gets older and he will stand out as different, which is not a nice thing at school. I know you don't like those things but personally if it meant things were happier for him at school it may be worth it, plus lots of games are creative - minecraft is one I am thinking may be good.

All the best

I feel very ready and the schools I work in think I'll be good at the job. It's not that I need the job but I would like to give it a go and think having a new career may be good for me. However, I do not want a selfish decision to upset my son.

My son is not being bullied at school as far as I am aware. He just seems to not want to be at school or get involved. Don't really think this has anything to do with TV and gaming.

gallygirl wrote: »

All the more reason why you SHOULD do it now Alex. Much as your son would like the world to revolve around him, and you would like that also, one of the key lessons you need to teach as a parent is about obligations, compromises, boundaries, sharing etc. He is used to having your sole attention when he is there - that could explain why he struggles to feel comfortable in a classroom environment. He needs to learn the ways of the world and, harsh though it may be at times, it's a lesson best learned sooner rather than later.

Thanks, Gally.

You've said what I'd probably say to any other parent. My problem is that I find it very difficult not to give in to his demands and prepare him for the next step. Sometimes I read diaries on here and have been doing for years, realising their children are growing up. Hearing other's talk of transition to senior school / GCSE and A Level results makes me realise time goes by far too quickly. When I joined MSE my son wasn't quite 3 years old, this year he turns 6. It seems like before I know it he will be a teenager and then will be leaving home. I dread the possibility that he may not be happy and do everything within my power to stop this from happening.

maman wrote: »

And you wouldn't be doing LittleK any favours either. I'm sure you're right and he probably could make faster academic progress but, although essential, academic skills are only one facet of making a rounded person. He needs to learn social skills and to take his place in the world and he can't learn those without being out in that world and practising.

I'd suggest you let your wife get involved with him as much as possible so there are no repeats of him being 'livid' because he hasn't got your sole attention. Gallygirl is so right. You and MrsK are the adults here, you call the shots.

I understand this, maman and this is the reason I do not think it something to argue with my wife about.

My wife has decided I should not move the pupil and she will take him to orchestra on Fridays but after telling him this is what will happen he's come to the conclusion that he "doesn't like" his mother and that she's "horrible and stupid". He's also told me that he doesn't want me doing work. Afraid to say I don't really know how to handle this.

kelpie35

he "doesn't like" his mother and that she's "horrible and stupid". He's also told me that he doesn't want me doing work.

He is a 5 year old child and he has no right to dictate to either you or your wife.

You are both his parents and the sooner he realises this the better his life will be.

I hope you have given him an appropriate punishishment for saying such a disrespectful thing about his mother.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Alex if you were a woman who had been the main carer so far, would you think it OK for her to put her career on hold in case it made her child "livid" to pursue it?

Maman makes a good point. You are making a rod for your own back if you accord your son that kind of power over you and foster an entitled attitude. It will hinder him socially and children feel very insecure if at least one of their parents cannot be seen as confidently in charge.

The PGCE is a tough year. Delay it if you can't commit. It is not something you can do half assed.

I am so afraid of the potential of my son growing up to suffer from (mental) health issues that I do absolutely everything within my power to make sure he is happy.

I really want to give teaching in school a go. A lot of people within the schools I work in think I'll be good and I've put in a lot of work for my pupils thus far. Whilst sometimes it is frustrating, I generally really enjoy my time there and when the pupils have their lightbulb moments it makes the frustrating parts more than worth it. If it didn't work out for me, I'd be pleased I'd given it a go and plan to give it my absolute best shot.

ETA: 5,000 posts. :eek:

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

he "doesn't like" his mother and that she's "horrible and stupid". He's also told me that he doesn't want me doing work.

He is a 5 year old child and he has no right to dictate to either you or your wife.

You are both his parents and the sooner he realises this the better his life will be.

I hope you have given him an appropriate punishishment for saying such a disrespectful thing about his mother.

I don't really know why he's behaving in this manner.

I told him that his words were inappropriate and disrespectful before asking him to spend five minutes at the dining table before apologising. Had he not apologised he would not have been going riding. My wife thinks I should have stopped him from going to horse riding regardless.

kelpie35

I agree with your wife.

You need to take a step back from your son and allow your wife to take more control at the moment.

I know she works full time but for your son's sake you need to allow your wife to control the situation and follow her wishes.

AlexLK

Finances update.

I've only just realised I haven't put my September overpayment target on here. Anyhow, we're hoping to overpay £350.

Today has been a cheap day. Not an NSD but we've not really been anywhere apart from to buy food. We had a very nice homemade and cheap spaghetti carbonara which I'll definitely be doing again but not for a while as I'm sure it's not very healthy. Showed Mrs K the chilli recipe that maman recommended and she liked the sound of it so I'm going to make it on Monday. As it serves five, I'm going to make it and save half to have on jacket potatoes. My wife is convinced that whilst we do eat in nice pubs some of the food is probably not made at exactly that point, so I'm going to give it a go. Wish me luck. :eek:

AlexLK

kelpie35 wrote: »

I agree with your wife.

You need to take a step back from your son and allow your wife to take more control at the moment.

I know she works full time but for your son's sake you need to allow your wife to control the situation and follow her wishes.

I think not going horse riding despite apologising would be saying I'm going to punish him whether he apologises or not? If you don't mind me asking why do you think my wife needs to take more control?