Renovations and Repayments.

NorthernMonkey1

I have never been less happy when than at the times I that I measured myself against my financial acheivements, nor more happy than when I realised money is just a tool, like a car, or a shovel, to allow you to do stuff.

I drive my 15 year old car knowing that it works for me, unlike the masses in their brand new shiny cars on expensive credit, who work to support their car. This is the ultimate in reverse logic

You need to work out what measures are important to you, and start to measure yourself against them.

You might need some help in doing this. It may be the best investment you can make

AlexLK

Thank you, Ed and NorthernMonkey1.

I don't think I'm very well at the moment, though it's no real excuse for writing what I have on here. This was meant to be for me to keep track of my spending because in the past it has got out of control and for me to keep progress of work to my house. Originally, I thought money would be better spent overpaying my mortgage than buying things for the sake of it before regretting the purchase. I still think this is the case but have realised I'm not in a position where I will be able to make a difference to the outcomes of my life.

The crux of the matter is the fact I hate myself and ultimately I very much doubt any amount of money would change that.

NorthernMonkey1

You seem to be measuring yourself against how much like your father you are, instead of how much you are like who you are.

You aren't your dad, and you never will be. Measuring yourself against the wrong measure will no doubt make you feel how you feel.

Good luck in working stuff out

newgirly

Some of the posts you have written are very sad to read Alex. How would you feel if your son spent his adult life feeling inferior to you as he has not achieved quite as much "success" ?

If he had a wife and child who loved him and he provided for, but he felt it was not good enough in comparison to what you (or his grand parent's) had managed to do?

Try and see yourself through the eyes of your son and not your parents and you might feel a bit happier, he doesn't care where he lives as long as he has his mum and dad's time. I am sure you would not impose these impossible expectations on him ,so why put yourself through it, focus on being the best dad and not the best son.

Hope you feel a bit better today

gallygirl

^^^^^

What she said :T:T:T

heartbreak_star

Perfect quote from newgirly, Alex.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

HBS x

Goldiegirl

I don't know what the answers are to your problems, Alex.

But I know one thing - moving back to your parents house is definitely not the answer.

AlexLK

Some good financial news today, I made £320 for the savings, added the £30 weekly total and an extra £1 to make my total for this year up to £6,000. With a little luck there may be some more to add tomorrow but it's not guaranteed.

Still no idea what I'm going to do with this (hopefully) £10,000 by the end of the year but I don't think it matters. Even if I choose to spend it all, it's my money to spend and not the bank's (or my parents', for that matter). One idea is to have the bathroom overhauled and use the rest to either pay down the mortgage or invest. Another idea is to add the amount to the money we will have from selling a couple of cars and buy something really quite special (you can get some really nice classics for £20-25,000).

This way is certainly better than the buying things on credit way.

AlexLK

NorthernMonkey1 wrote: »

You seem to be measuring yourself against how much like your father you are, instead of how much you are like who you are.

You aren't your dad, and you never will be. Measuring yourself against the wrong measure will no doubt make you feel how you feel.

Good luck in working stuff out

Thanks, I understand what you're saying. However, I often wonder what things would be like for me (and my family) had my parents not done well for themselves. I know now that I could not have done what they did to secure the future of my family for generations to come.

newgirly wrote: »

Some of the posts you have written are very sad to read Alex. How would you feel if your son spent his adult life feeling inferior to you as he has not achieved quite as much "success" ?

If he had a wife and child who loved him and he provided for, but he felt it was not good enough in comparison to what you (or his grand parent's) had managed to do?

Try and see yourself through the eyes of your son and not your parents and you might feel a bit happier, he doesn't care where he lives as long as he has his mum and dad's time. I am sure you would not impose these impossible expectations on him ,so why put yourself through it, focus on being the best dad and not the best son.

Hope you feel a bit better today

Thanks, newgirly.

I do try to be the best dad I can be. I spend lots of time with my son, much more so than anyone else. Just about the only thing I plan for is how I'm going to fill his day with both new things to discover and things he enjoys. My parents had no time for me until the last few years and I don't want my son to grow up thinking that my wife and I care more about work than him.

Unfortunately, this means I do not adequately provide for my family. My wife earns quite a lot more money than I do and likely always will do (inheritance aside).

Goldiegirl wrote: »

I don't know what the answers are to your problems, Alex.

But I know one thing - moving back to your parents house is definitely not the answer.

If I knew the answers I'd be in a better place.

Not sure what the problem would be with being mortgage free and living in a much nicer property? From the MSE point of view it makes perfect sense.

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

^^^^^

What she said :T:T:T

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Perfect quote from newgirly, Alex.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

HBS x

Thanks, both.