Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Monday 1st June, 2015.

Dear Diary,

So much for the summer, it's been awful weather all day. However, I've been busy with work and had quite a productive day. Being productive is always news as far as I'm concerned and managing to get through the day means I've actually managed to earn some money, which in turn should hopefully bring some financial news soon.

I've also been thinking about the house and brought up the topic of my family and I moving to my parents' house with my wife. She still does not wish to move, even though my parents' house is a much nicer property. I'm aware I want to move for all the wrong reasons but despite doing work to this house, I still don't feel it is "home", nor do I want my son growing up here when he could grow up in a house that is set in much larger grounds and have much more room to play. I suppose I'm most concerned he will be ashamed to have grown up here should we stay.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

maman

Of course you have to move. I can't imagine what MrsK is thinking.:rotfl:

AlexLK

Not sure what you're trying to imply, maman?

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Not sure what you're trying to imply, maman?

I think when you start comparing the relative size of the grounds in each property and worrying thatLittleK might grow up ashamed of his family home you need to get a little more perspective. I don't imagine your current home resembles the ones in the photo?

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I think when you start comparing the relative size of the grounds in each property and worrying thatLittleK might grow up ashamed of his family home you need to get a little more perspective. I don't imagine your current home resembles the ones in the photo?

No, the property doesn't resemble those in that photograph and I suppose you're right. I admit it's for all the wrong reasons I want to move back "home".

edinburgher

I've also been thinking about the house and brought up the topic of my family and I moving to my parents' house with my wife. She still does not wish to move, even though my parents' house is a much nicer property. I'm aware I want to move for all the wrong reasons

How exactly does infantilising yourself by running "home" instill pride in your son, other than in the achievements of your parents, who you are clearly overawed by?

Sorry to be harsh with you, but children will always find something to be embarassed about in their parents.

You confuse me at times Alex, you profess a sense of shame or concern that you're dependent on your parents, but at other times you display the need to jump back into their metaphorical arms.

Have you ever considered that this sort of codependence is as bad for them as it is for you?

Home is what you make it - how long have you been in your current place? It took me over 3 years to think of my current flat as home, and it was more down to changes in my attitude than changes in the property.

Try not to worry so much

AlexLK

I would hope my son will be proud of his grandparents' achievements for they are far greater than those my wife or I will ever achieve. Having tried and failed many times over to succeed in my own right, I have a lot of respect for both my parents and anybody that is "self made". This was not always the case but since realising how hard it is to succeed in this world my views have changed.

I am ashamed that I'm not good enough to do well for myself and everyday I'm reminded what a bitter disappointment I am because I go to their house almost everyday. Making sure they've got everything they need has become a big part of my life as of late and they tell me about the past. My father is going to be 80 this year and I cannot see him being around when my son goes to university, so the least I can do to repay them for all they sacrificed is to listen.

My wife thinks of our current house as "home" but that's probably because it's in a better location and larger than the home she grew up in. We've lived here for almost 8 years now and whilst there are things I like about the house, perhaps even to the point of missing some things, I suppose I don't want to admit this was all my wife and I could have hoped to achieve.

SuperSecretSquirrel

Your son will be proud of his parents for loving him, spending quality time with him, keeping him healthy, and putting a roof over his head. I think that's pretty much all it takes.

Trying to "keep up with the Jones" is a farcical concept at the best of times - comparing yourself to your parents is damaging. There will always be someone more successful than you. That's not a poor reflection on you. Being happy with your lot in life makes the journey a lot more pleasant.

AlexLK

One day my son is going to realise I'm a failure.

I suppose half my problem is the fact that becoming financially independent, for me, is a waste of effort. This morning I looked at MSE's mortgage overpayment calculator and found if I were to overpay with the savings I have, the mortgage would be clear one year early. If I were to add the same amount in subsequent years, it would be paid ten years early. At first I found this pleasing information but then I realise I don't want to stay here and will not need another mortgage to move elsewhere in the future.

edinburgher

Financial achievements are not the only ones worth having. I work with several people on six figure salaries who have health problems, horrible personalities and live alone (nothing wrong with that, I couldn't do it!)

Do not find yourself wanting because you come up short in terms of financial success as measured against the lofty yardstick of your parents.

It's hard (self help speak warning), but you need to love yourself for what you're good at and your satisfaction should stem from achievements in this area.

Having money is universally useful, but making lots of it is not universally important!

I think that you are right in that FI would not make a big difference to you, you have bigger fish to fry.

If it's any consolation, being cultured, well educated and also skilled in some traditional crafts would make you the envy of many people!