Renovations and Repayments.

hiddenshadow

maman wrote: »

I think your parents were incredibly cruel to LittleK. They sound totally self centred and if they think that's an acceptable way to talk to a 5 year old then it's no wonder they screwed you up. I'd tell LittleK that the Chinese children only manage what they do because they have a sad life. Boys like him could be that good at music but only if they gave up riding and dog walking and playing with dad! And then he'd be a very boring person!

This! Really good lesson opportunity here re: becoming well-rounded/interesting (though he has the option of only focusing on X if he really wants to, but it should be his choice), and possibly in comparing yourself to your previous self. Could he have played the same piece(s) - with or without mistakes - a year ago?

I'm amazed your parents would voice their criticisms in front of LittleK. Bad enough if they don't appreciate his performance and complain to you/MrsK, but who says anything other than "great job!" to a 5yo performing for an audience??

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi Alex, had to post I'm appalled. Your poor lad. He would have been nervous about playing, I'm guessing, and excited to be putting on a mini 'concert'. Treating a child in this way tells you all you need to know about your parents.

The fact that your son is capable of performing in front of people at his young age, is a a true demonstration of the time you have both spent.

Maybe tell him that they are old and hard of hearing

Well done LittleK.

I can only imagine they are finally seeing the relationship you have with your son and what you are both creating together. That's powerful. A very clear picture of their failure.

Tilly xx

misscousinitt

Your parents behaviour towards your son is utterly awful - I really feel for your son and for you and your wife as it's you that needs to deal with the fall out.
Performing in front of an audience is a big thing; especially at that age - well done LittleK and well done to you for giving him the skills to be able to do that - it's a great achievement.


MCI

newgirly

What a terrible thing for your parents to do to your son, did you speak to them about it?

Madmel

Totally agree about the grandparents reaction to LittleK. How dare they? A 5 year old playing open strings on a violin is great - could they (your parents) do any better? I have just spent a week at the Fringe festival in Edinburgh with the most wonderful young string players, many of who did not start playing until they were 7. DD1 played a concerto on an instrument she didn't start until 11 - in your parents' eyes she must be some kind of delinquent!

You know what? I used to read your old thread but got exasperated when you defended your parents all the time. I'm really proud that you've taken this stance and can read from your posts how much happier you are and the joy that you get from your wife and son. I think your parents are jealous of you; yes, they have money but it obviously hasn't bought them happiness. You have turned everything they hold dear on its head - go Alex :T

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

No problem except that not all schools want a part time teacher and might prefer to just offer a one year contract to a NQT.

I understand you wouldn't want to let a class down but it really wouldn't be in your interest to do that if things weren't working out. Each term of the NQT year is assessed and if any term isn't going well you're best to leave as that would give you the opportunity to start again in another school. This really is sensible because if you don't you don't get another chance. I know you're not at this point but it's good to have the information.

I hadn't realised MrsK got home that late. Maybe her employer would let her work a bit more flexibly now and again.

I think your parents were incredibly cruel to LittleK. They sound totally self centred and if they think that's an acceptable way to talk to a 5 year old then it's no wonder they screwed you up. I'd tell LittleK that the Chinese children only manage what they do because they have a sad life. Boys like him could be that good at music but only if they gave up riding and dog walking and playing with dad! And then he'd be a very boring person!

Thanks, maman. Would the one year contract mean I'd only be able to work there for a year? I would like to think I'd like to be able to stay with the school I start with (for NQT) for as long as I'd want to or is that not how it works?

I don't quite understand re. the NQT termly assessment and potentially leaving if one term is bad. Surely, another school would not take you on if you cannot pass in the first school? I can't say I've read anything about this before. To be honest, if it's not for me, I don't think I'd move to another school (will have tried a few different types of school in the training year). If nothing else, it will be a new experience and give me a teaching qualification which should provide some insight into problems I've not thought of for music teaching. At the moment I do want to do this as a long term, new career project but don't feel stressed about this and am not worried about whether or not I get a job, if it's meant to be it'll happen, if not at least I can say I've given it my best shot.

My wife works quite long hours: 7.45am-6pm. It takes her 30 minutes to get to work so she leaves at 7.15am and she goes to the gym after work for 30-45 minutes before coming home. Sometimes she does leave at 5pm (her 'official' home time, 8.30am is meant to be when she gets to the office) and doesn't go to the gym so is home for before 6pm. When she started working there, she was meant to work from home for 2-3 days per week but decided she preferred going in to the office. The other week she was quite tempted to apply for a post working for the council: hours 8.30am-4pm, closer to home, local site visits, early Friday finish but she'd be taking a £12,000 per year pay cut to do so. It wouldn't be as bad as that per month because she pays enough into a pension to be just under the threshold for higher rate tax and she has a company car: I think it worked out to be c.£300 per month less if she made no pension contributions. Mind, she's also looked at a few jobs which would pay a lot better but mean her being away from home Monday-Friday (one in London, one in Newcastle (upon Tyne)). Quite glad she seems to have decided against those jobs, to be honest. At the moment, she's a bit fed up with her current employers after her colleague left.

You're right about my parents. When I first started going to counselling, I felt the counsellor was trying to turn me against my parents but now I do think they probably did screw me up. They can be quite manipulative. Today I went to see them: they were trying to pretend nothing really happened, I am over-reacting and my son needs to learn how to deal with "constructive" criticism. :mad: Father decided he was going to completely ignore the problem and tell me about how to look after their house.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Might be a teachable moment as Maman says about children living in oppressive regimes.

Really though, your parents need a punch in the face each for that shameful behaviour.

How utterly grace less.

I have. We've talked about how some children have a very different life at home and that a lot of these small children playing piano to a very high standard at a very young age are not doing this because they want to. We also talked about some children not being so privileged and I asked him if he would like to send a shoebox of gifts to a child not so fortunate this Christmas, which he said he'd like to.

Can't say I'm pleased with my parents at all.

gallygirl wrote: »

:T Bravo :T

He basically wants a private hire driver who will wait for him. He has money - let him pay for it.

Seconded. Alex, when they say things like that can you picture yourself being on the receiving end at that age and see what harm they have done you? Neither wonder you have such low self-esteem. You are better keeping your son away from them to be honest. With the positivity he gets from you, your wife and her family there won't be any lasting harm done but I wouldn't be prepared to put up with that.

:rotfl: You're probably right about him wanting a driver, probably thinks why pay someone when he can get me to do it. He's recently ordered a LWB XJ and told me when it arrives, he won't have to sit next to me and talk.

I think you're right, though I'd rather them to go back to wanting to be better grandparents than they were parents to be honest, Gally.

AlexLK

hiddenshadow wrote: »

This! Really good lesson opportunity here re: becoming well-rounded/interesting (though he has the option of only focusing on X if he really wants to, but it should be his choice), and possibly in comparing yourself to your previous self. Could he have played the same piece(s) - with or without mistakes - a year ago?

I'm amazed your parents would voice their criticisms in front of LittleK. Bad enough if they don't appreciate his performance and complain to you/MrsK, but who says anything other than "great job!" to a 5yo performing for an audience??

Hiddenshadow: I had touched on this with him today. He's doing really well with his music and has come a long way with his playing. From my point of view he did a brilliant job yesterday. When she did mention yesterday, my mother decided to place blame onto me by telling me that perhaps my son needs a "proper, conservatoire trained" music teacher.

My parents have always been the same. I don't think they quite know how to deal with children in an age appropriate manner, to be honest.

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS wrote: »

Hi Alex, had to post I'm appalled. Your poor lad. He would have been nervous about playing, I'm guessing, and excited to be putting on a mini 'concert'. Treating a child in this way tells you all you need to know about your parents.

The fact that your son is capable of performing in front of people at his young age, is a a true demonstration of the time you have both spent.

Maybe tell him that they are old and hard of hearing

Well done LittleK.

I can only imagine they are finally seeing the relationship you have with your son and what you are both creating together. That's powerful. A very clear picture of their failure.

Tilly xx

Hi Tilly,

Thank you. I always try my best to teach my son new things and to approach life's challenges in a confident manner.

He was very excited and a bit nervous. Before my parents decided to add in their pennyworth he had a great time and really enjoyed it. I am very proud of him, so is my wife and my in-laws.

:rotfl: Re. them being old and hard of hearing.

I don't know what's going on with them at the moment, to be honest. Can't say I dealt with them very well yesterday, I told them to get out of my house rather than having a calm discussion about it. Don't really think they are envious of the relationship I have with my son; they never really tried with me and have told me they don't agree with my parenting methods.

misscousinitt wrote: »

Your parents behaviour towards your son is utterly awful - I really feel for your son and for you and your wife as it's you that needs to deal with the fall out.
Performing in front of an audience is a big thing; especially at that age - well done LittleK and well done to you for giving him the skills to be able to do that - it's a great achievement.


MCI

Thanks, MCI. We are doing our best and I hope my son will want to carry on performing at some point in the future. If not then we've no desire to force it, though.

I do think I should've seen this coming with how they've been recently. I wish I had not invited them.

AlexLK

newgirly wrote: »

What a terrible thing for your parents to do to your son, did you speak to them about it?

I've spoken to them today but they're both trying to avoid it.

Madmel wrote: »

Totally agree about the grandparents reaction to LittleK. How dare they? A 5 year old playing open strings on a violin is great - could they (your parents) do any better? I have just spent a week at the Fringe festival in Edinburgh with the most wonderful young string players, many of who did not start playing until they were 7. DD1 played a concerto on an instrument she didn't start until 11 - in your parents' eyes she must be some kind of delinquent!

You know what? I used to read your old thread but got exasperated when you defended your parents all the time. I'm really proud that you've taken this stance and can read from your posts how much happier you are and the joy that you get from your wife and son. I think your parents are jealous of you; yes, they have money but it obviously hasn't bought them happiness. You have turned everything they hold dear on its head - go Alex :T

My parents (well father, mainly) are obsessed with the idea that my son will go on to be a soloist. The only reason my son started at a pre-school age was the fact he was interested. We've taken things slowly and only done as much or as little as he wants. In my opinion he's doing really well. His favourite parts are playing duets with me and in his beginners orchestra.

I've no issue with what age a child (or adult) starts, don't really know about my parents views on that. Well done to your daughter, that's an amazing achievement.

I'm feeling quite a lot better as of late. Would like to think it's not too late to do something other than wait for my inheritance which has really helped me. I'm coming to terms with the fact my wife and I are not going to earn the kind of money my parents did and success can perhaps be measured in other terms. My marriage is a lot better and I suppose this is to do with me not being at my parents' beck and call (Mrs K doesn't really like them and never has). As I've said before, I doubt there's any jealousy on my parents' part - they think I'm a good for nothing idiot whose parenting methods are far too soft.

maman

Well done for making it clear to your parents how unacceptable their behaviour is. Obviously they don't see it themselves but you made your point.

MrsK could get back earlier if needed but too early to worry about that if she's thinking of changing her job.

Schools often offer NQTs a one year contract as they don't want to commit to permanent until they know how the new teacher is going to work out. Sometimes they have a genuine reason for not being able to plan forward until they know how many children enrol in Year R or someone comes back from sick leave.

As for why you might want to try another school if the first one doesn't work out: although you'd be careful to find the sort of school that suits, things can go wrong. Sometimes it's a difficult class, a few observations that go haywire, a period of sickness, an unsupportive mentor, Ofsted turning up and so supporting the NQT goes out of the window..... A fresh start can work.

I'm not sure if you understand that completing a PGCE doesn't give you a teaching qualification. You have to successfully complete the NQT year to be awarded QTS and there's just one chance to do that although you can defer that for (I think) 5 years.

Sorry if I'm giving you the downside of going into teaching but I'm sure you want to be aware of the full picture.

Have a good week. Sun is meant to be back soon.

AlexLK

Had some chance to have a look at the finances tonight and talk to my wife about making the £250 overpayment which she wants to leave until the end of the month as she has some time off work and would like to do quite a few things (with son and I ). All being well we should be able to make the overpayment, though. September should be a less spendy month.

Managed to sell something that's been for sale for a while for £55 which will make its way into our savings but we do need to get back to trying to make some money. Over the next two weeks, we're going to book the roof job also. :eek: Does mean I need to get on with getting this car gone (actually want to sell 2-3 cars), else we'll be borrowing money for the short term, something which I do not want to do. We've also put a deadline of July 2017 on having our bathroom replaced... does mean some decisions need to be made, though. :eek:

On the subject of cars, Mrs K has been looking at a potential car to buy after the ones which need to go have gone which should increase in value over the coming year.