Renovations and Repayments.

hiddenshadow

AlexLK wrote: »

I'll be incredibly sad to leave that school to do a PGCE; think a lot of them have taught me perhaps more than I've taught them, to be honest.

A friend of mine (also a music teacher) says the same thing.

I miss this terribly when he's at school because we only have Saturday mornings to do this.

I'm concerned about history repeating itself; my parents weren't really around when I was young (they were always working, 7 days per week). However, I also think him seeing me making a go of a new career may also be good for him.

Apologies if I'm assuming, but it sounds like your parents weren't interested in you as a child. Whether they worked 7 days a week or 1, it doesn't seem like they would have chosen to spend what free time they had enriching your life mentally/emotionally (perhaps financially?). You, on the other hand, actively plan/perform activities with LittleK and are bemoaning the fact that school means you only get 1/2 day a week to do projects with him. Quite the opposite, I think.

FWIW, I was a latch-key kid growing up. My parents were divorced and my mom worked a full time job so I was on my own after school from about age 8 onward (my grandmother was around, I think, but she wasn't really interested/involved due to mental health issues). I never doubted that my mom cared about me even though she worked more than 40 hours a week. We'd read together before bed and do things on weekends and that was fine. I'm sure LittleK will have a blast being at the stables all afternoon and you can still fit in quality time in the evenings. I know I would have been in heaven with that sort of arrangement when I was his age.

maman

smallholdingsister wrote: »

What a fabulous childcare arrangement, he will have a blast.

I think you're over-thinking this Alex. I'm not sure how far you need to travel for your PGCE but I'd be surprised if you're expected to be there late in the day every day except for on your blocks of school experience. Then it's likely that they'll do their best to find you placements fairly near home. Plus MrsK might be able to pick him up some of the time, if not from school at least from your cousin. Plus he'll be older then......You're worrying more than you need to.:)


I know you aren't happy about the state of things with your father but think hard before apologising. What exactly would you be apologising for? Maybe for upsetting him? That's not too bad if it keeps the peace but you can't possibly mean to tell him that his behaviour was OK?


Also, if you did apologise, would your father (and mother) expect things to go back to exactly as they were before with you at their constant beck and call, staying over, spending every Sunday there, them being rude to MrsK, abusing your NBFs the scummies???


I'd suggest you do what you can to pursue a diagnosis for your father then you'll know what you're dealing with as far as his health is concerned. Maybe it would be better to involve your mother (not tell her you're worried too but as a way of allaying her fears) as she will ask questions of the doctors.


Hope you have a better day today:).

misscousinitt

Hi Alex

Sorry mate, it was the next issue on the shelf in WHS. I will keep looking for the name of the wildlife cruise on the net for you - I am sure that I will know it when I see it!

I have been reading through your diary and I am really pleased that you seem to have turned a corner regarding your parents.

I always wanted to do the best by my Dad, but he was such a stubborn and obnoxious person (especially in later years) that it was very difficult. I used to do alot of running round for him and I would get phone calls at all times of the day and night. When he was first ill - it took me weeks to persuade him to go into hospital - but I did it! We fought all the time, but I would never not do anything for him - but I would put a condition on it (I'll have to fetch it tomorrow after work, or I'll take you next week). When I look back, I think it did have an effect on mine and DHs relationship - he would bare the brunt of my anger towards Dad and became increasingly frustrated with Dad's demands on me. this has changed considerably since Dad passed away and we have come out the other side closer than ever.

You do have to make allowances for them as you get older and if they are ill - but not at the expense of your own sanity and family life - my Dad was attacked many years ago and had a serious head injury - he was a difficult man before, but often intolerable afterwards - but you can't keep feeling sorry for them and pandering to their every whim just because they think they can get away with it. I had to move out in the end with my Dad as he was sending me nuts, driving me to drink and sending me crying to bed every night.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you can still care about your parents, but you mustn't be obligated to them and you can still care at arms length too - from recent posts I think you are realising this now. Apologising to your father for his behaviour is really out of the question - agree to disagree if you must - but it's important to stand up for what you know is right. You may find that you will wear him down over time. There are ways and means of getting round difficult people.

Well done on your progress and OPs and de-cluttering and selling cars - it's all positive and brilliant.

Really hope you feel better today.

Take care and I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

MCI

Madmel

Alex, do you need to spend a year doing a PGCE? There are other routes into teaching now that I'm not sure existed when I trained (23 years ago :eek:). Do any of the local village schools offer Schools Direct or something similar? That is school-based as opposed to Uni/college based. You do spend a bit of time at the tertiary ed. place, but the overwhelming majority is in school.

It may also be worth looking into whether or not you can do this part-time. PGCE/training and the NQT year are probably the most demanding and whilst I love how far you have travelled on your journey since you started posting, I don't know whether you yet have that resilience to deal with 2 very full-on years.

In relation to filling in an application form, I have found honesty to be the best policy. Schools love staff who bring something fresh to them, whether that is industrial/professional experience in a different field, or running your own business. As far as MH issues go, please look at the TES forums (community section of their website) as there are lots of knowledgable posters there who can guide you through the process.

Wishing you and your family all the very best

maman

Madmel wrote: »

Alex, do you need to spend a year doing a PGCE? There are other routes into teaching now that I'm not sure existed when I trained (23 years ago :eek:). Do any of the local village schools offer Schools Direct or something similar? That is school-based as opposed to Uni/college based. You do spend a bit of time at the tertiary ed. place, but the overwhelming majority is in school.

It may also be worth looking into whether or not you can do this part-time. PGCE/training and the NQT year are probably the most demanding and whilst I love how far you have travelled on your journey since you started posting, I don't know whether you yet have that resilience to deal with 2 very full-on years.

In relation to filling in an application form, I have found honesty to be the best policy. Schools love staff who bring something fresh to them, whether that is industrial/professional experience in a different field, or running your own business. As far as MH issues go, please look at the TES forums (community section of their website) as there are lots of knowledgable posters there who can guide you through the process.

Wishing you and your family all the very best

I don't know whether it's possible to do Schools Direct training part time but I know the NQT year can be done part time. Obviously the school has to want to take on a part time teacher and it takes longer to obtain QTS but it is possible.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Oh dear Alex, I'm neglecting my three then.

What a fabulous childcare arrangement, he will have a blast.

I don't think that.

I hope so, smallholding.

hiddenshadow wrote: »

A friend of mine (also a music teacher) says the same thing.

Apologies if I'm assuming, but it sounds like your parents weren't interested in you as a child. Whether they worked 7 days a week or 1, it doesn't seem like they would have chosen to spend what free time they had enriching your life mentally/emotionally (perhaps financially?). You, on the other hand, actively plan/perform activities with LittleK and are bemoaning the fact that school means you only get 1/2 day a week to do projects with him. Quite the opposite, I think.

FWIW, I was a latch-key kid growing up. My parents were divorced and my mom worked a full time job so I was on my own after school from about age 8 onward (my grandmother was around, I think, but she wasn't really interested/involved due to mental health issues). I never doubted that my mom cared about me even though she worked more than 40 hours a week. We'd read together before bed and do things on weekends and that was fine. I'm sure LittleK will have a blast being at the stables all afternoon and you can still fit in quality time in the evenings. I know I would have been in heaven with that sort of arrangement when I was his age.

Thanks, Hiddenshadow.

My parents were very generous financially (much more so than I would be, even if I were in their position) but they always have liked to throw money at 'problems'. To say they didn't teach me skills would be unfair but they were always very strict, 'old fashioned' and emotionally cold. Not too long ago I sat with my father who told me he regretted this terribly yet history repeats itself and now he's disappointed I'm not following his example.

Today my son played a mini-recital at the house. Mother and father came, so did his other grandparents and my brother-in-law and his family. All my in-laws were really encouraging and pleased to hear their grandson play. My mother had to pick up every mistake he made and dissect everything about the pieces he played and my father told him that Chinese children are playing grade 7 and 8 pieces at a younger age, therefore his playing is "nothing remarkable" and he needs to "up his game". :mad: Doesn't matter the methods used so long as your young child can play a grade 8 piece like a robot, of course. :mad: My son has spent the rest of the day very upset and told me he thinks he's not very good at Music. This is representative of how my parents have always been but for various reasons I didn't think they'd be like this with my son.

maman wrote: »

I think you're over-thinking this Alex. I'm not sure how far you need to travel for your PGCE but I'd be surprised if you're expected to be there late in the day every day except for on your blocks of school experience. Then it's likely that they'll do their best to find you placements fairly near home. Plus MrsK might be able to pick him up some of the time, if not from school at least from your cousin. Plus he'll be older then......You're worrying more than you need to.:)

I know you aren't happy about the state of things with your father but think hard before apologising. What exactly would you be apologising for? Maybe for upsetting him? That's not too bad if it keeps the peace but you can't possibly mean to tell him that his behaviour was OK?

Also, if you did apologise, would your father (and mother) expect things to go back to exactly as they were before with you at their constant beck and call, staying over, spending every Sunday there, them being rude to MrsK, abusing your NBFs the scummies???

I'd suggest you do what you can to pursue a diagnosis for your father then you'll know what you're dealing with as far as his health is concerned. Maybe it would be better to involve your mother (not tell her you're worried too but as a way of allaying her fears) as she will ask questions of the doctors.

Hope you have a better day today:).

Thank you, maman. I suppose I am over thinking this. He will be almost 7 when I start the course (if I get a place). Hiddenshadow is right about the fact he'd enjoy being with my cousin. My wife doesn't usually get in until just after 7pm, which I think would be too late to pick my son up and I'd hope to be home before then, anyway.

My parents are both unhappy at the moment with me not being there more often. I mentioned the fact I'm applying to the PGCE course this year and that was met with whilst they are happy, could I not wait until they're 'gone' because they aren't getting any younger. I've not apologised. Every time I get close to apologising I think I've not got anything to apologise for, so cannot actually do it.

Father refuses to let mother take him to health appointments because she asks questions. I have to take him and sit in the waiting room before taking him back (don't know what will happen when I do PGCE / teaching :eek:). For some reason if he's going to see a doctor he won't drive himself, either. I do understand he doesn't want mother to worry or be upset but she's good at dealing with people at the GP's surgery and hospital.

AlexLK

misscousinitt wrote: »

Hi Alex

Sorry mate, it was the next issue on the shelf in WHS. I will keep looking for the name of the wildlife cruise on the net for you - I am sure that I will know it when I see it!

I have been reading through your diary and I am really pleased that you seem to have turned a corner regarding your parents.

I always wanted to do the best by my Dad, but he was such a stubborn and obnoxious person (especially in later years) that it was very difficult. I used to do alot of running round for him and I would get phone calls at all times of the day and night. When he was first ill - it took me weeks to persuade him to go into hospital - but I did it! We fought all the time, but I would never not do anything for him - but I would put a condition on it (I'll have to fetch it tomorrow after work, or I'll take you next week). When I look back, I think it did have an effect on mine and DHs relationship - he would bare the brunt of my anger towards Dad and became increasingly frustrated with Dad's demands on me. this has changed considerably since Dad passed away and we have come out the other side closer than ever.

You do have to make allowances for them as you get older and if they are ill - but not at the expense of your own sanity and family life - my Dad was attacked many years ago and had a serious head injury - he was a difficult man before, but often intolerable afterwards - but you can't keep feeling sorry for them and pandering to their every whim just because they think they can get away with it. I had to move out in the end with my Dad as he was sending me nuts, driving me to drink and sending me crying to bed every night.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you can still care about your parents, but you mustn't be obligated to them and you can still care at arms length too - from recent posts I think you are realising this now. Apologising to your father for his behaviour is really out of the question - agree to disagree if you must - but it's important to stand up for what you know is right. You may find that you will wear him down over time. There are ways and means of getting round difficult people.

Well done on your progress and OPs and de-cluttering and selling cars - it's all positive and brilliant.

Really hope you feel better today.

Take care and I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

MCI

Hi MCI,

Hope you're having a good weekend.

Thanks for looking, it's much appreciated. Also thank you for your advice, it's been really helpful.

Until these last few weeks, I haven't put conditions on helping my parents out. My mother is in very good health but father struggles a little. Really, they do not need me but they see me as someone they can call on 24/7.

Madmel wrote: »

Alex, do you need to spend a year doing a PGCE? There are other routes into teaching now that I'm not sure existed when I trained (23 years ago :eek:). Do any of the local village schools offer Schools Direct or something similar? That is school-based as opposed to Uni/college based. You do spend a bit of time at the tertiary ed. place, but the overwhelming majority is in school.

It may also be worth looking into whether or not you can do this part-time. PGCE/training and the NQT year are probably the most demanding and whilst I love how far you have travelled on your journey since you started posting, I don't know whether you yet have that resilience to deal with 2 very full-on years.

In relation to filling in an application form, I have found honesty to be the best policy. Schools love staff who bring something fresh to them, whether that is industrial/professional experience in a different field, or running your own business. As far as MH issues go, please look at the TES forums (community section of their website) as there are lots of knowledgable posters there who can guide you through the process.

Wishing you and your family all the very best

Thank you for your advice, madmel.

I am looking into PGCE (university based) and also school direct with PGCE. As far as I can tell (it is confusing), some school direct do not offer a PGCE qualification but give QTS. I want to gain the PGCE qualification, so I can go onto an MA in Education (will be my 3rd MA, :eek: :rotfl:) after. There are no places very locally but quite a few within 20 or so miles.

Of course I will be honest in an application form but it feels I don't have a 'standard' work experience. Will check out the advice on TES.

I have another year before training would start (if I get a place). Whilst I'd like to do training full time, my plan would be to get a 3 day per week teaching post in a small village school thereafter. Depending on how I got on during the training year, I'd perhaps consider a full time post or decide that it is not the right time for me. If it doesn't work out I think I'll be pleased I've given it a go. I have no desire to fail a class of pupils and will try my absolute best but I am also unwilling to make myself ill. If I'm not coping I will not go into a teaching post and if that were to happen during the NQT year, I'd not desert my pupils half way through the year but would be leaving at the end of the school year. I've spent a long time discussing this with my wife as she was very concerned about my health.

maman wrote: »

I don't know whether it's possible to do Schools Direct training part time but I know the NQT year can be done part time. Obviously the school has to want to take on a part time teacher and it takes longer to obtain QTS but it is possible.

Are there any potential problems in taking longer to gain QTS? As far as I can tell there aren't.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Are there any potential problems in taking longer to gain QTS? As far as I can tell there aren't.

No problem except that not all schools want a part time teacher and might prefer to just offer a one year contract to a NQT.

I understand you wouldn't want to let a class down but it really wouldn't be in your interest to do that if things weren't working out. Each term of the NQT year is assessed and if any term isn't going well you're best to leave as that would give you the opportunity to start again in another school. This really is sensible because if you don't you don't get another chance. I know you're not at this point but it's good to have the information.

I hadn't realised MrsK got home that late. Maybe her employer would let her work a bit more flexibly now and again.

I think your parents were incredibly cruel to LittleK. They sound totally self centred and if they think that's an acceptable way to talk to a 5 year old then it's no wonder they screwed you up. I'd tell LittleK that the Chinese children only manage what they do because they have a sad life. Boys like him could be that good at music but only if they gave up riding and dog walking and playing with dad! And then he'd be a very boring person!

smallholdingsister

Might be a teachable moment as Maman says about children living in oppressive regimes.

Really though, your parents need a punch in the face each for that shameful behaviour.

How utterly grace less.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Every time I get close to apologising I think I've not got anything to apologise for, so cannot actually do it.

:T Bravo :T

AlexLK wrote: »

Father refuses to let mother take him to health appointments because she asks questions. I have to take him and sit in the waiting room before taking him back (don't know what will happen when I do PGCE / teaching :eek:). For some reason if he's going to see a doctor he won't drive himself, either. I do understand he doesn't want mother to worry or be upset but she's good at dealing with people at the GP's surgery and hospital.

He basically wants a private hire driver who will wait for him. He has money - let him pay for it.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Might be a teachable moment as Maman says about children living in oppressive regimes.

Really though, your parents need a punch in the face each for that shameful behaviour.

How utterly grace less.

Seconded. Alex, when they say things like that can you picture yourself being on the receiving end at that age and see what harm they have done you? Neither wonder you have such low self-esteem. You are better keeping your son away from them to be honest. With the positivity he gets from you, your wife and her family there won't be any lasting harm done but I wouldn't be prepared to put up with that.