Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

Another good day had. Went to bed and got up early (sleep wasn't great, though), did some work and studying. Son had a fairly good day at school, dogs happy and parents still in good spirits. No money added to savings today, though.

Going to try for another decent day tomorrow. Actually fairly tired tonight, will have a mug of hot chocolate, finishing reading an article for my course and then hopefully go to bed and drift off to sleep with some Bach playing in the background. Will miss that when I'm home as Mrs K hates music playing in the bedroom.

ourcornercottage wrote: »

I don't like the sound of mrs lk's comments.

Glad your day is better

My wife is who she is, I've come to the realisation she does and says what she wants.

maman wrote: »

Good to hear you sounding positive Alex.

I didn't know that LittleK was staying over. Is MrsK away this week?

I'm trying my best to be as positive as I can. I don't think being negative all the time is very good for my son.

Yes he's staying here. He was staying with my wife until she went away for the weekend. She's now back home but apparently son woke her up a few times last week and she "can't cope". He's actually been better these last few days for being here rather than here all day until 30 minutes before bedtime. I suppose it's a bit more consistent.

Fay wrote: »

I've just been reading Alex and wondered whether you would consider going for counselling/therapy. From what you've said it would really help and there will be free/very low cost options in your area, just do a Google search.

Fay, thank you. I actually go to counselling, it's slowly helping but I'm not convinced I'm ever going to be "cured".

maman

Things do sound more settled with LittleK. I suspect in time he'll hanker after his mum and his home but we'll worry about that when the time comes. Enjoy the settled period while it lasts.:)


Interesting that you like music playing to send you off to sleep. I prefer talk radio. Out of curiosity, does it carry on playing after you've nodded off? One of my requirements when buying my bedside radio was it could be set to turn off after a set time.

Fay

AlexLK wrote: »

Fay, thank you. I actually go to counselling, it's slowly helping but I'm not convinced I'm ever going to be "cured".

If you've been going a while and you're not getting too far, at least 6 months I mean by a while with weekly sessions, then it's worth considering a different form of therapy. Analytic or jungian would be helpful from what you've put on here. There is no cure, this is you, but you can learn how to change and adapt to what you are naturally drawn to do. Good luck with it.

greent

Fay wrote: »

I've just been reading Alex and wondered whether you would consider going for counselling/therapy. From what you've said it would really help and there will be free/very low cost options in your area, just do a Google search.

AlexLK wrote: »

Fay, thank you. I actually go to counselling, it's slowly helping but I'm not convinced I'm ever going to be "cured".[/QUOTE]

Fay wrote: »

If you've been going a while and you're not getting too far, at least 6 months I mean by a while with weekly sessions, then it's worth considering a different form of therapy. Analytic or jungian would be helpful from what you've put on here. There is no cure, this is you, but you can learn how to change and adapt to what you are naturally drawn to do. Good luck with it.

Post edited


I haven't read your diary for a few weeks, Alex - and reading a 'lump' of it in one go was screaming 'counselling' to me, so I'm glad to hear you do have some. How do you feel about your counsellor? And how do you feel it's going? (not necessarily questions to be answered on here, but to ask yourself )


My OH has struggled with depression for around 18 or more years to one degree or another. It has made him do some horrible things to us as a family and my children have seen and heard far too many things which they shouldn't have (not saying that's the case with you in any way, just saying my experience) <snipped> What makes a difference to him is his counsellor (oh - and he's actually recently started to take meds - having always refused them/ refused to take his prescription) - this particular one (he's had lots and seen psych professionals from the county mental health team) he likes and gets on with and that really helps. (Having had counselling myself a couple of times to come to terms with some of this I can definitely say that the right counsellor, as well as the right sort of counselling, makes a massive difference) I see the cost of it as 'healthcare' in our monthly budget - not cheap, but oh so necessary.


However (having rambled to get to this point!) he has always seen himself that he will always be depressed/ prone to depression. He said this to his counsellor a few months back and she questioned why he felt like that. Her view is that it doesn't have to be that way - that it can be different. Your post above (the part in bold) resonated with me for this reason. Possibly worth thinking about..? Maybe discuss with your counsellor?


x

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Things do sound more settled with LittleK. I suspect in time he'll hanker after his mum and his home but we'll worry about that when the time comes. Enjoy the settled period while it lasts.:)

Interesting that you like music playing to send you off to sleep. I prefer talk radio. Out of curiosity, does it carry on playing after you've nodded off? One of my requirements when buying my bedside radio was it could be set to turn off after a set time.

My wife stayed last night and is going to stay for the weekend. I'm not going to tell my wife but I really don't want to go "home" now. Things are working quite well and I know this is a better place for my son to grow up, can't see him missing our house, there's much more space here.

Honestly, I don't have a radio (in the bedroom). I just put about 2 hours worth of Bach on youtube.

Fay wrote: »

If you've been going a while and you're not getting too far, at least 6 months I mean by a while with weekly sessions, then it's worth considering a different form of therapy. Analytic or jungian would be helpful from what you've put on here. There is no cure, this is you, but you can learn how to change and adapt to what you are naturally drawn to do. Good luck with it.

Thank you. I've been going to counselling for quite a long time now. However, it was a bit on and off until recently.

Greent: Thank you. Not sure what to make of reading a "lump" of my diary and it screaming "counselling"... . Seriously, I know you're right.

Regarding my counsellor, I don't "feel" much at all. Didn't know you were meant to?

I'm sure some of my actions have been less than exemplary though I have always tried my absolute best to pretend there's nothing wrong for my son. I think my wife is the main reason why I am this way. I love her dearly but things have happened that have stopped me from trusting her and I know my marriage isn't good most of the time.

Taking medication has always been something I've had a problem with, I'll do it for a while when things get really bad but soon stop.

Can't say I've ever thought about discussing the fact I see myself as having a depressive personality, purely because that's why I'm there in the first place. However, I will try to discuss that and see where it goes.

maman

Thinking of you today Alex. Sad day for the Defender.:(


BUT might that mean existing ones become even more valuable?:D

SueP19

Wow greent an amazing post and so beautifully honest, I salute you and will remember it when things are bad at home, because my OH could be so much worse than he is

As I see it depression when it's long term becomes a way of life, as if you are not allowed to be happy, I once asked my OH why he couldn't be more happy and his answer was "if I am then something bad will happen"..........it's as if the depression has become linked to happiness.

Alex, your comfort in your present surrounding is artificial, to face home and your wife is ultimately more frightening xx

newgirly

That is such a brave post greent, what an amazing strong wife and mum you must be, I hope things are much better for you all now. x

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Thinking of you today Alex. Sad day for the Defender.:(

BUT might that mean existing ones become even more valuable?:D

A very, very sad day for the Defender. Here we are still in shock that it is no more.

I suppose it many mean a rise in prices but the ones we have aren't going to be sold. Therefore, it'll make no difference for us.

SueP19 wrote: »

Wow greent an amazing post and so beautifully honest, I salute you and will remember it when things are bad at home, because my OH could be so much worse than he is

As I see it depression when it's long term becomes a way of life, as if you are not allowed to be happy, I once asked my OH why he couldn't be more happy and his answer was "if I am then something bad will happen"..........it's as if the depression has become linked to happiness.

Alex, your comfort in your present surrounding is artificial, to face home and your wife is ultimately more frightening xx

I think you're right about depression, Sue. I can't say I believe that if I'm happy something bad will happen but I do believe something would promptly come to take the happiness away and for me the lows after a previous high point are worse than just having no hope in the first place.

Not sure the comfort in my present surroundings is at all artificial, I like being here and look forward to the day my current house is sold and my family and I live here on a permanent basis. On an MSE note it is very nice to know no money is owed to the bank and therefore no pressure to pay a mortgage.

newgirly wrote: »

That is such a brave post greent, what an amazing strong wife and mum you must be, I hope things are much better for you all now. x

I too hope things are better, greent.

SueP19

AlexLK wrote: »

I think you're right about depression, Sue. I can't say I believe that if I'm happy something bad will happen but I do believe something would promptly come to take the happiness away and for me the lows after a previous high point are worse than just having no hope in the first place.

Spot on, believing something bad will happen is the next stage, after that is true hopelessness. It becomes almost a comfort blanket, to keep the lows close to protect against the highs, because the highs become too painful.